Wow is all I can say to some of the other posters here...I understand personal opinions, but attacks are unnecessary.
I personally plan to throw my own baby shower because my friends live all over the place and my house is fairly central for them to meet. Most of them don't know each other, they're from all different circles...highschool, college, activity/hobby groups, previous coworkers, etc. So trying to get any of them to organize something would be a nightmare. I don't have a single set of close knit friends that all know each other. Also they tend to be crazy busy in their own lives and who am I to demand that someone host and do everything for me? If I don't have rich friends or family who can throw it and plan it for me (which is hard to do since my schedule is all over the place, not just a regular 9 to 5 job with weekends off that it'd be easy to plan around), am I just supposed to get no party/celebration at all? So only the "privelaged" people with friends with lots of money and time on their hands who all happen to know each other deserve a chance to celebrate? It's my baby, so i'm doing it for myself. I don't care what people think...I want to celebrate with my friends, they're all excited about it, i've even started planning though it won't be until September. I did a random shout out on my FB asking if anyone would be interested in coming if I threw one and got over a dozen responses already, so it's not like i'm specifically inviting anyone in particular and they need to feel obligated. Not a single one of my friends or family has claimed it's "tacky".
In fact, throwing your own shower is becoming a growing thing, there's articles all over the place about it. I've been to 3 friends baby showers that were held by themselves or in conjunction with a parent and never felt like there was anything wrong with them. In fact my best friends was a pot luck at her grandmother's house, I brought a plate of sugar cookies I made and a cute onesie for the baby since it was all I could afford at the time. I didn't get all butthurt because she threw a potluck shower
Personally if your mom is hosting i'd just ask her if there's anything she needs help with or if she wants you to keep out of the planning...she'd be able to give you the best advice on what she needs/wants. If you prefer to do it on your own, then do it on your own and come up with something for food/favors like even pizza and little candy boxes if that's all you can afford. Not everyone is made of money. Dollar stores even have a bunch of cute decorations and party favors for cheap usually I know Babies R Us has a lot of cute stuff too you could check out. Good luck to you!
I'm actually originally from the Midwest and have hosted showers for friends, been to showers hosted by friends for friends, and even -shocker- I know!; been to showers hosted by the expectant mother. Now I live in the Pacific NW and I still see the same. Seems to me people get too hung up on etiquette and a bit too judgmental. While I have no intention of planning my own, doesn't mean I look down on someone else that does or think them "gift grabby."
Now, to stay on original topic, I think party favors along the spa idea are great.
who gives a flying mother fuuuuck if you host your own baby shower or have part in it.
i'm having a baby shower and i'm the one thats handing out invitations and etc. idk and idc about the baby shower rules. if you wanna have part in it then go for it. i dont understand why these ladies are so uptight with this baby shower shiiiit.
I honestly think what you're doing is fine! (:
i'm just glad to see everyone and hangout and cookout and relax with my family and friends celebrating my baby ! thats all that should matter.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Who cares what these people have to say. As you said to someone earlier, they aren't attending. Most of what you post, ask, are concerned about, etc. will always come with a plethora of feeble minded "The Bump" users giving you their 2 cents and honestly, do you really want it?
If the ladies on the bump are talking about how inappropriate it is to throw your own showers, I'd bet my money that the guests invited are also talking about it.
Most of what you post, ask, are concerned about, etc. will always come with a plethora of feeble minded "The Bump" users giving you their 2 cents and honestly, do you really want it?
Again, do what YOU want.
I'm completely LOL at "feeble minded". Yes, because advocating for the comfort and dignity of a person's party guests is absolutely feeble minded. What is this world coming to? You, on the other hand, JennyCupcakes-- are saying that its perfectly alright to throw your own party where you are asking people to bring you stuff. You must be the brightest, most considerate bulb in the box!
veronicavpling:
who gives a flying mother fuuuuck if you host your own baby shower or have part in it. i'm having a baby shower and i'm the one thats handing out invitations and etc. idk and idc about the baby shower rules. if you wanna have part in it then go for it. i dont understand why these ladies are so uptight with this baby shower shiiiit.I honestly think what you're doing is fine! (: i'm just glad to see everyone and hangout and cookout and relax with my family and friends celebrating my baby ! thats all that should matter.
From the tone, lack of punctuation and capitalization in your post here Veronica I would say that class, maturity and tact are not your strong suit. I am not surprised either. Also, PS, you aren't celebrating a baby at a baby shower. You are celebrating the mother to be. That is why she, and not the baby, is the guest of honor. Again, intelligence is seriously lacking in these people who think that hosting your own baby shower is "cool". WTF with this "do what you want" generation?! I shutter to think what you will be teaching your children. We wonder why there are so many takers, and "gimme gimme" folks already coming down the pike. FFS, people.
AFwifelife:
lucianneD:
lucianneD:
Nokkouttmomma:
What does it say? That I love my dad? And around here we don't drink "good" beer from kegs. It's a frat thing.
It screams "I sleep with my dad"
round here me and my daddy don't drink no beer from the keg, we get our bud light from the bottle.
Ewwwww incestuous AE Fail. Blech.
Nokkouttmomma:
lucianneD:
I will say this ONE MORE TIME for those who are having troubling grasping it.nbsp;I have had different friends offer to host a baby shower. Some of these friends are not friends with each other. I ran it by them, I would rather have one then several showers. I also offered to help with food and beverages, they were thrilled and thanked me.Therefore I AM HELPING because it works for my friends and family. We are all different.nbsp;Get over it. My friends and family are 100 down for this and appreciate the thought.nbsp;As far as the keg comments, who cares what I do? It isn't like I said most people should do this. My friends are excited to drink a beer or two and have some good food. I live in the number 1 beer community in the US we appreciate good beer. Quit crying about it.nbsp;As far as selfish and tacky, sure, whatever you say. nbsp;
I thought your Mother and MIL were hosting your shower, not your friends. You're either just tried to make yourself look better in your original post or are a straight up liar. Whatever you were trying to accomplish with this post is completely irrelevant to the fact that it will always be tacky to tell people to bring you presents. Showers are gifts, if it is not offered or you do not accept then you do not get one. Wouldn't it just be cheaper to stay home and use the money to buy the stuff for your baby than to travel 12 hours, plan your own party, look like an entitled brat and annoy people? Also, from my experience good beer isn't usually served from a keg at parties. Actually, I dont really know. My daddy taught me that kegs aren't classy. Maybe PP was right and you are from the trailer park. Be sure to have your friends help you do a keg stand and take a picture for the baby book! Your LO should know how Klassy his mom is!
I vote liar. and I give zillions of thumbs up to this post.
If the ladies on the bump are talking about how inappropriate it is to throw your own showers, I'd bet my money that the guests invited are also talking about it.
who gives a flying mother fuuuuck if you host your own baby shower or have part in it.
i'm having a baby shower and i'm the one thats handing out invitations and etc. idk and idc about the baby shower rules. if you wanna have part in it then go for it. i dont understand why these ladies are so uptight with this baby shower shiiiit.
Well, apparently a lot of people! I'd say about 90% of this board, which means probably about 90% of your friends in real life are side-eyeing you (general you, not quoted PP) and talking behind your back about your tacky shower!
But hey, if getting your precious gifts are that important to you, then whatever...
It's really tacky to host your own shower. A baby shower is a privilege, not a right. People host it for you, you don't host it for yourself. It just looks like you are begging for gifts by having your own shower.
I really probably wouldn't attend if a mother hosted her own shower. This topic really irks me. Why do people think they NEED a shower??!!
i'm hosting my own shower, providing food and drinks. That way none of my friends have to worry about it. Nobody has to bring gifts, that is optional....it is just a way for all my friends/family to get together under one roof (wouldn't normally happen otherwise).
Not sure why my baby shower plans irk you, but irk away!
So plan a pot luck..not a baby shower!! if they bring gifts, fine. That is their choice.
You are begging for gifts from your family/friends and only providing drinks? At least cater if you are throwing your own party! You want them to bring FOOD and gifts? Nope. I wouldn't go.
If your family is hosting it...let THEM host. You have nothing to do with it.
She did say that they do not have to bring gifts, so why are you going on about her asking for gifts? Read it again.
Ladies, I think most of you have actually forgotten the history behind the "baby Shower", but have gotten caught up in the modern day "hallmark" age of the meaning. the Purpose of the shower is to shower the woman and mother to be with love (many people take this to mean gifts, but this is not the point) and to celebrate and welcome the coming of the child into the world. Nowadays many woman (and i'm not pointing fingers or saying all of you) are so egotistical and want to be the best "friend" to the mother to be by giving the best gift. But attacking a mother to be for trying to attack her for having a hand in her shower is cruel. you (again, those that it applies to only) say that she shouldn't have a hand in providing the venue or the drinks or the food, but then attack her for also labeling it as a potluck. so in a sense you make yourselves look like fools by contradicting yourselves. she is asking for advise, not to be attacked, as no hormonal pregnant woman should be attacked for asking advise. so don't take offense if I find your view of "showers" to be the worst of them all.
Ladies, I think most of you have actually forgotten the history behind the "baby Shower", but have gotten caught up in the modern day "hallmark" age of the meaning. the Purpose of the shower is to shower the woman and mother to be with love (many people take this to mean gifts, but this is not the point) and to celebrate and welcome the coming of the child into the world. Nowadays many woman (and i'm not pointing fingers or saying all of you) are so egotistical and want to be the best "friend" to the mother to be by giving the best gift. But attacking a mother to be for trying to attack her for having a hand in her shower is cruel. you (again, those that it applies to only) say that she shouldn't have a hand in providing the venue or the drinks or the food, but then attack her for also labeling it as a potluck. so in a sense you make yourselves look like fools by contradicting yourselves. she is asking for advise, not to be attacked, as no hormonal pregnant woman should be attacked for asking advise. so don't take offense if I find your view of "showers" to be the worst of them all.
The modern term "Baby Shower" came from a German immigrant named Franz Schauer (hence "Shower") who was trying to capitalize on the market of a shower. If you are throwing a baby shower in modern times, it means that you are expecting gifts, from the very meaning of the label you place on the event.
If you want to talk about the history of the baby shower (or something similar since there really is no history before Schauer), the "celebrations" were normally AFTER the baby arrived, and included ritualist and spiritual ceremonies. Schauer got his idea from the Victorian age, where gifts started to be given to the new mom and were typically handmade.
To translate : Unless the OP is doing something after the baby is here that involves some kind of ritualistic ceremony, she is having a modern day "Baby Shower" and it doesn't matter if we have forgotten the 'history behind the "baby Shower", but have gotten caught up in the modern day "hallmark" age of the meaning" since it is one in the same.
No one was attacking her, just offering thier opinions, and too bad if it hurt her feelings. IMO, it is not okay to host your own baby shower (or partake in any part of the planning). Do all of you think it is okay to also host your own wedding shower? Would you ask your guests to bring food to that also? (let me guess, they don't have to bring gifts to that either?)
Ugh, there is was too much stupid and I'm way too pregnant and irritable for this crap... Whatever ECB and Bliss said.
And to the person who said baby showers are a part of pregnancy... Wrong. Morning sickness is a part of pregnancy, swelling is a part of pregnancy. Baby showers are a gift not an inevitable part of pregnancy.
It's really tacky to host your own shower. A baby shower is a privilege, not a right. People host it for you, you don't host it for yourself. It just looks like you are begging for gifts by having your own shower.
I really probably wouldn't attend if a mother hosted her own shower. This topic really irks me. Why do people think they NEED a shower??!!
i'm hosting my own shower, providing food and drinks. That way none of my friends have to worry about it. Nobody has to bring gifts, that is optional....it is just a way for all my friends/family to get together under one roof (wouldn't normally happen otherwise).
Not sure why my baby shower plans irk you, but irk away!
So plan a pot luck..not a baby shower!! if they bring gifts, fine. That is their choice.
You are begging for gifts from your family/friends and only providing drinks? At least cater if you are throwing your own party! You want them to bring FOOD and gifts? Nope. I wouldn't go.
If your family is hosting it...let THEM host. You have nothing to do with it.
She did say that they do not have to bring gifts, so why are you going on about her asking for gifts? Read it again.
For the bazillionth time, if gifts are truly not expected, it would not be called a SHOWER. It would be called a party.
If the invite says shower, and has registry information, then it is implied that gifts are expected.
I don't know why it's so hard for people to grasp that shower gifts. If you really don't care about gifts, DON'T CALL IT A SHOWER.
Ladies, I think most of you have actually forgotten the history behind the "baby Shower", but have gotten caught up in the modern day "hallmark" age of the meaning. the Purpose of the shower is to shower the woman and mother to be with love (many people take this to mean gifts, but this is not the point) and to celebrate and welcome the coming of the child into the world.
Nope. Wrong... "The term shower is often assumed to mean that the expectant mother is "showered" with gifts. The related custom bridal shower may have derived its name from the custom in Victorian times for the presents to be put inside a parasol, which when opened would "shower" the bride-to-be with gifts..." From: Montemurro, Beth (2006). "Origins of Bridal Showers and Bachelorette Parties". Something Old, Something Bold. Rutgers University Press. p. 26.
"According to etiquette authority Miss Manners, because the party centers on gift-giving, the baby shower is typically arranged and hosted by a close friend rather than a member of the family, since it is considered rude for families to beg for gifts on behalf of their members."
The baby shower is not about celebrating the baby, but the mother.
alexisjo88:But attacking a mother to be for trying to attack her for having a hand in her shower is cruel. you (again, those that it applies to only) say that she shouldn't have a hand in providing the venue or the drinks or the food, but then attack her for also labeling it as a potluck. so in a sense you make yourselves look like fools by contradicting yourselves. she is asking for advise, not to be attacked, as no hormonal pregnant woman should be attacked for asking advise. so don't take offense if I find your view of "showers" to be the worst of them all.
For God's sake, its "advice". People ask for advice (the noun) and a person will advise someone to do something (the verb). You advise about giving advice. Sweet jesus...
I will spell it out: a mother to be should be the guest of honor, not the hostess. Asking people to feed themselves is exceptionally rude. Why? Because not only do you expect them to show up with a gift (a shower by traditional definition and custom is a gift giving event no matter what a butthurt noob wants to justify it with), but to take their time as well. Now you want them to provide their own refreshments?
No no no. Not only are you looking like you are begging for them to give you things (hosting your own) but you are also asking them to spend additional money feeding themselves?! That is a bad host if you are going to do it. Hosting means providing food, beverage and entertainment. You should never host your own (because it looks like you are begging for gifts. I'll repeat) but if you are going to do it (cringe) then at least provide your guests with refreshment. Don't make them do it themselves. Ideally don't do either one, FFS.
It's really tacky to host your own shower. A baby shower is a privilege, not a right. People host it for you, you don't host it for yourself. It just looks like you are begging for gifts by having your own shower.
I really probably wouldn't attend if a mother hosted her own shower. This topic really irks me. Why do people think they NEED a shower??!!
i'm hosting my own shower, providing food and drinks. That way none of my friends have to worry about it. Nobody has to bring gifts, that is optional....it is just a way for all my friends/family to get together under one roof (wouldn't normally happen otherwise).
Not sure why my baby shower plans irk you, but irk away!
So plan a pot luck..not a baby shower!! if they bring gifts, fine. That is their choice.
You are begging for gifts from your family/friends and only providing drinks? At least cater if you are throwing your own party! You want them to bring FOOD and gifts? Nope. I wouldn't go.
If your family is hosting it...let THEM host. You have nothing to do with it.
She did say that they do not have to bring gifts, so why are you going on about her asking for gifts? Read it again.
Why exactly are people so against etiquette and proud to be? You all realize that having good etiquette means you are treating your friends and family with respect and kindness. It's not necessarily about what fork goes where.
All you are saying is that you are proud to be rude.
Why exactly are people so against etiquette and proud to be? You all realize that having good etiquette means you are treating your friends and family with respect and kindness. It's not necessarily about what fork goes where.
All you are saying is that you are proud to be rude.
You could have a candy bar with various candies all colored either pink, blue or yellow depending if you know the gender. Guests can fill their thank you bags with as much or as little of candy as they want to take home.
TTC since June/09. 1st cycle diagnosed with slight hypothyroidism. Clomid, dexamethasone, HCG trigger shot. BFN 2nd cycle, Clomid, dexamethasone, HCG trigger shot. BFN 3rd cycle, Clomid, dexamethasone, ovulated with out tigger. BFN 4th cycle, Clomid, dexamethasone, HCG trigger shot. BFP!!! EDD 12/31/2011 ----- actual birthday 01/05/2012
Wow is all I can say to some of the other posters here...I understand personal opinions, but attacks are unnecessary.
I personally plan to throw my own baby shower because my friends live all over the place and my house is fairly central for them to meet. Most of them don't know each other, they're from all different circles...highschool, college, activity/hobby groups, previous coworkers, etc. So trying to get any of them to organize something would be a nightmare. I don't have a single set of close knit friends that all know each other. Also they tend to be crazy busy in their own lives and who am I to demand that someone host and do everything for me? If I don't have rich friends or family who can throw it and plan it for me (which is hard to do since my schedule is all over the place, not just a regular 9 to 5 job with weekends off that it'd be easy to plan around), am I just supposed to get no party/celebration at all? So only the "privelaged" people with friends with lots of money and time on their hands who all happen to know each other deserve a chance to celebrate? It's my baby, so i'm doing it for myself. I don't care what people think...I want to celebrate with my friends, they're all excited about it, i've even started planning though it won't be until September. I did a random shout out on my FB asking if anyone would be interested in coming if I threw one and got over a dozen responses already, so it's not like i'm specifically inviting anyone in particular and they need to feel obligated. Not a single one of my friends or family has claimed it's "tacky".
In fact, throwing your own shower is becoming a growing thing, there's articles all over the place about it. I've been to 3 friends baby showers that were held by themselves or in conjunction with a parent and never felt like there was anything wrong with them. In fact my best friends was a pot luck at her grandmother's house, I brought a plate of sugar cookies I made and a cute onesie for the baby since it was all I could afford at the time. I didn't get all butthurt because she threw a potluck shower
Personally if your mom is hosting i'd just ask her if there's anything she needs help with or if she wants you to keep out of the planning...she'd be able to give you the best advice on what she needs/wants. If you prefer to do it on your own, then do it on your own and come up with something for food/favors like even pizza and little candy boxes if that's all you can afford. Not everyone is made of money. Dollar stores even have a bunch of cute decorations and party favors for cheap usually I know Babies R Us has a lot of cute stuff too you could check out. Good luck to you!
Please don't take this as my attempt to be rude or attacking when informative is my intent. Unfortunately, if you do not have friends or family that offer to throw a shower in your honor, it does mean that you don't have one. Think about your motives for having a shower. Those who justify throwing your own by saying "gifts are not expected," know that people WILL bring gifts. And having been in that position before, some will do it because they feel obligated to do it. If they were truly not expected, you wouldn't provide registry information unless specifically asked for it and/or you would expressly say "do not bring gifts this is a celebration of life and an opportunity for people to get together." Also a shower does not have to be thrown by all of friends simultaneously. It can be thrown by 1 or 2 or 3 that do know each other. Friends are removed from the equation altogether when a family member offers to throw it. Having a shower does not have to the expense of the century, either. Having a small gathering with homemade food and beverages, games and such does not have to break the bank. Pinterest has thousands of DIY tips and ideas that host and hostesses could explore to stay within a tight budget.
Do I consider myself fortunate that I have friends and family who are collaboratively working together to throw me a shower? Beyond words! But had no one offered to do it, I would understand that I am not entitled to one just because I'm pregnant. And above all, I would not take it upon myself to throw my own shower. JMO?
OP, if you ever come back to this travesty of a thread, please let the host, your mother, worry about favors. Your only job is to sit back, relax and enjoy.
Why are some people on this site SO ANGRY? Who cares if she is hosting her own shower?? If it's tacky to host your own shower is it also tacky to register for your own gifts? And more importantly, why do you care? I thought forums like this were to *help* other expecting moms, not to be judgemental etiquette police?
Why are some people on this site SO ANGRY? Who cares if she is hosting her own shower?? If it's tacky to host your own shower is it also tacky to register for your own gifts? And more importantly, why do you care? I thought forums like this were to *help* other expecting moms, not to be judgemental etiquette police?
1.) No one is angry. I fail to see how adamant disagreement equals angry. We disagree. It doesn't mean we are angry people. Please disabuse yourself of this notion. We are also not bitter, have plenty of friends, and love puppies.
2.) Registries can be done for the completion coupon. You can, gasp, have a registry and not have a shower. That is what I am doing this time around. I do it for my own peace of mind to have a list of things and to get the discount. Shocking, I know. Its not tacky to register. Its a suggestion and not a requirement. The only time the word tacky becomes associated with registry is if you get way bent out of shape that you didn't get everything you registered for.
3.) We care because she posted about it. Much like anything else on this site. If you post it then people care about it. They will opine on it and you might not like everything they have to say. Why do you care that we care?
4.) The forums are strictly for entertainment only. We are not responsible for coddling, advising or otherwise doing anything for anyone else. Is it nice to get help from other moms? Yes. Is it a requirement? No. Its a community of various people with various opinions. Welcome to the internet and TB. Seriously, get a clue and realize that not everything has to be helpful to be worthy of commenting.
Lastly, 5, everyone judges. You are judging us because we are judging right? So see, you aren't exempt from being just as judgmental. Also, you haven't really contributed anything positive or helpful yourself, have you? Nope. So I am really confused how you get off wagging your finger at us when you haven't really done squat for the OP or anyone else except be annoying.
Why are some people on this site SO ANGRY? Who cares if she is hosting her own shower?? If it's tacky to host your own shower is it also tacky to register for your own gifts? And more importantly, why do you care? I thought forums like this were to *help* other expecting moms, not to be judgemental etiquette police?
1.) No one is angry. I fail to see how adamant disagreement equals angry. We disagree. It doesn't mean we are angry people. Please disabuse yourself of this notion. We are also not bitter, have plenty of friends, and love puppies.
2.) Registries can be done for the completion coupon. You can, gasp, have a registry and not have a shower. That is what I am doing this time around. I do it for my own peace of mind to have a list of things and to get the discount. Shocking, I know. Its not tacky to register. Its a suggestion and not a requirement. The only time the word tacky becomes associated with registry is if you get way bent out of shape that you didn't get everything you registered for.
3.) We care because she posted about it. Much like anything else on this site. If you post it then people care about it. They will opine on it and you might not like everything they have to say. Why do you care that we care?
4.) The forums are strictly for entertainment only. We are not responsible for coddling, advising or otherwise doing anything for anyone else. Is it nice to get help from other moms? Yes. Is it a requirement? No. Its a community of various people with various opinions. Welcome to the internet and TB. Seriously, get a clue and realize that not everything has to be helpful to be worthy of commenting.
Lastly, 5, everyone judges. You are judging us because we are judging right? So see, you aren't exempt from being just as judgmental. Also, you haven't really contributed anything positive or helpful yourself, have you? Nope. So I am really confused how you get off wagging your finger at us when you haven't really done squat for the OP or anyone else except be annoying.
You do not host parties in which you are the guest of honor. You also should not ask your guests to supply both gifts and their own food. You should rethink this event.
I can't get the ticker to work, but I have two sons:
Wow is all I can say to some of the other posters here...I understand personal opinions, but attacks are unnecessary.
I personally plan to throw my own baby shower because my friends live all over the place and my house is fairly central for them to meet. Most of them don't know each other, they're from all different circles...highschool, college, activity/hobby groups, previous coworkers, etc. So trying to get any of them to organize something would be a nightmare. I don't have a single set of close knit friends that all know each other. Also they tend to be crazy busy in their own lives and who am I to demand that someone host and do everything for me? If I don't have rich friends or family who can throw it and plan it for me (which is hard to do since my schedule is all over the place, not just a regular 9 to 5 job with weekends off that it'd be easy to plan around), am I just supposed to get no party/celebration at all? So only the "privelaged" people with friends with lots of money and time on their hands who all happen to know each other deserve a chance to celebrate? It's my baby, so i'm doing it for myself. I don't care what people think...I want to celebrate with my friends, they're all excited about it, i've even started planning though it won't be until September. I did a random shout out on my FB asking if anyone would be interested in coming if I threw one and got over a dozen responses already, so it's not like i'm specifically inviting anyone in particular and they need to feel obligated. Not a single one of my friends or family has claimed it's "tacky".
In fact, throwing your own shower is becoming a growing thing, there's articles all over the place about it. I've been to 3 friends baby showers that were held by themselves or in conjunction with a parent and never felt like there was anything wrong with them. In fact my best friends was a pot luck at her grandmother's house, I brought a plate of sugar cookies I made and a cute onesie for the baby since it was all I could afford at the time. I didn't get all butthurt because she threw a potluck shower
Personally if your mom is hosting i'd just ask her if there's anything she needs help with or if she wants you to keep out of the planning...she'd be able to give you the best advice on what she needs/wants. If you prefer to do it on your own, then do it on your own and come up with something for food/favors like even pizza and little candy boxes if that's all you can afford. Not everyone is made of money. Dollar stores even have a bunch of cute decorations and party favors for cheap usually I know Babies R Us has a lot of cute stuff too you could check out. Good luck to you!
Please don't take this as my attempt to be rude or attacking when informative is my intent. Unfortunately, if you do not have friends or family that offer to throw a shower in your honor, it does mean that you don't have one. Think about your motives for having a shower. Those who justify throwing your own by saying "gifts are not expected," know that people WILL bring gifts. And having been in that position before, some will do it because they feel obligated to do it. If they were truly not expected, you wouldn't provide registry information unless specifically asked for it and/or you would expressly say "do not bring gifts this is a celebration of life and an opportunity for people to get together." Also a shower does not have to be thrown by all of friends simultaneously. It can be thrown by 1 or 2 or 3 that do know each other. Friends are removed from the equation altogether when a family member offers to throw it. Having a shower does not have to the expense of the century, either. Having a small gathering with homemade food and beverages, games and such does not have to break the bank. Pinterest has thousands of DIY tips and ideas that host and hostesses could explore to stay within a tight budget.
Do I consider myself fortunate that I have friends and family who are collaboratively working together to throw me a shower? Beyond words! But had no one offered to do it, I would understand that I am not entitled to one just because I'm pregnant. And above all, I would not take it upon myself to throw my own shower. JMO?
First, thank you for at least not attacking me like some others feel the need to.
I actually do have a few friends who wanted to help host, but they all still live in small apartments or with their parents. One of my best friends is also autistic and got frustrated trying to figure out how to be my maid of honor, so I wouldn't want to put that responsibility on her. I got together with a few of them and we decided my house was the best place to host it since it's a central location with a lot of parking. The only people who will be coming are those who have asked me if i'm having a shower, those who ask about my registry, and those who express an interest. I'm not just mass inviting all my friends hoping to squeeze out as many presents as possible out of obligation. This is friends who were already planning on getting me presents or wanting to come to a shower. I'm "hosting" in the manner of providing food, drinks, decor, party favors, and games. A few of my other friends will be bringing various things they said they wanted to bring (not that I asked them to)...one is making a cake, another is bringing a game to play, etc. They're all excited for it, so why is it "selfish" of me to help out and take some of the weight off their shoulders? I understand etiquette dictates that they need to throw it entirely or not at all...but I feel like that's closed-minded and not helpful. I'd rather be the helpful mom who cared enough about her friends who wanted to celebrate with her to actually offer to host, than the one who told them that no they have to figure it all out on their own and good luck.
I haven't read through all the comments so this may have already been said...if I were you I would use the money for the favors and get sides for the hot dogs and hamburgers. That way it doesn't need to be a potluck anymore. I have gone to number of baby shower some with favors and some without, I never felt slighted when I didn't get one.
I would definitely not go to a baby shower that I had to bring a dish and a gift.
Me: 32 DH: 37 Married: May 24, 2008 TTC #2 since: June 2020
I am about to have my first - due in November! And I am
trying to figure out what we really need...and more importantly what items I probably shouldn't buy as I'll likely receive them during my baby shower.
Is this really bad of me to factor in gifts I may receive? What are the most gifted items... or more accurately put: What should I hold off buying till after the shower?... just in case
Also while online I came across this ?complete? list: www.bab.io Personally, I think it's useful... as I can't bear using Excel
However, there?s a lot listed? and quite a bit of it is ?optional?.
Does this mean I can ignore the optional items if budget gets tight? What are
people?s thoughts? Is the list roughly right? Missing anything major? Useful?
Any and all thoughts welcome.
The irony of having so much concern for the feelings and comfort of others by obeying shower etiquette rules because if you don't those same guests will talk trash behind your back. Too bad the expectations for etiquette don't go both ways.
Re: Baby shower favors
LOL! Goth, you are going to get eaten alive for this post. And, sorry to say, you deserve it.
I'm actually originally from the Midwest and have hosted showers for friends, been to showers hosted by friends for friends, and even -shocker- I know!; been to showers hosted by the expectant mother. Now I live in the Pacific NW and I still see the same. Seems to me people get too hung up on etiquette and a bit too judgmental. While I have no intention of planning my own, doesn't mean I look down on someone else that does or think them "gift grabby."
Now, to stay on original topic, I think party favors along the spa idea are great.
After reading all the crazy this is exactly what I think...
who gives a flying mother fuuuuck if you host your own baby shower or have part in it.
i'm having a baby shower and i'm the one thats handing out invitations and etc. idk and idc about the baby shower rules. if you wanna have part in it then go for it. i dont understand why these ladies are so uptight with this baby shower shiiiit.
I honestly think what you're doing is fine! (:
i'm just glad to see everyone and hangout and cookout and relax with my family and friends celebrating my baby ! thats all that should matter.
Do whatever you want.
Seriously.
Who cares what these people have to say. As you said to someone earlier, they aren't attending. Most of what you post, ask, are concerned about, etc. will always come with a plethora of feeble minded "The Bump" users giving you their 2 cents and honestly, do you really want it?
Again, do what YOU want.
I'm completely LOL at "feeble minded". Yes, because advocating for the comfort and dignity of a person's party guests is absolutely feeble minded. What is this world coming to? You, on the other hand, JennyCupcakes-- are saying that its perfectly alright to throw your own party where you are asking people to bring you stuff. You must be the brightest, most considerate bulb in the box!
From the tone, lack of punctuation and capitalization in your post here Veronica I would say that class, maturity and tact are not your strong suit. I am not surprised either. Also, PS, you aren't celebrating a baby at a baby shower. You are celebrating the mother to be. That is why she, and not the baby, is the guest of honor. Again, intelligence is seriously lacking in these people who think that hosting your own baby shower is "cool". WTF with this "do what you want" generation?! I shutter to think what you will be teaching your children. We wonder why there are so many takers, and "gimme gimme" folks already coming down the pike. FFS, people.
Ewwwww incestuous AE Fail. Blech.
I vote liar. and I give zillions of thumbs up to this post.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Well, apparently a lot of people! I'd say about 90% of this board, which means probably about 90% of your friends in real life are side-eyeing you (general you, not quoted PP) and talking behind your back about your tacky shower!
But hey, if getting your precious gifts are that important to you, then whatever...
ETA:
the Sheldon gif. perfect!
She did say that they do not have to bring gifts, so why are you going on about her asking for gifts? Read it again.
The modern term "Baby Shower" came from a German immigrant named Franz Schauer (hence "Shower") who was trying to capitalize on the market of a shower. If you are throwing a baby shower in modern times, it means that you are expecting gifts, from the very meaning of the label you place on the event.
If you want to talk about the history of the baby shower (or something similar since there really is no history before Schauer), the "celebrations" were normally AFTER the baby arrived, and included ritualist and spiritual ceremonies. Schauer got his idea from the Victorian age, where gifts started to be given to the new mom and were typically handmade.
To translate : Unless the OP is doing something after the baby is here that involves some kind of ritualistic ceremony, she is having a modern day "Baby Shower" and it doesn't matter if we have forgotten the 'history behind the "baby Shower", but have gotten caught up in the modern day "hallmark" age of the meaning" since it is one in the same.
No one was attacking her, just offering thier opinions, and too bad if it hurt her feelings. IMO, it is not okay to host your own baby shower (or partake in any part of the planning). Do all of you think it is okay to also host your own wedding shower? Would you ask your guests to bring food to that also? (let me guess, they don't have to bring gifts to that either?)
And to the person who said baby showers are a part of pregnancy... Wrong. Morning sickness is a part of pregnancy, swelling is a part of pregnancy. Baby showers are a gift not an inevitable part of pregnancy.
For the bazillionth time, if gifts are truly not expected, it would not be called a SHOWER. It would be called a party.
If the invite says shower, and has registry information, then it is implied that gifts are expected.
I don't know why it's so hard for people to grasp that shower gifts. If you really don't care about gifts, DON'T CALL IT A SHOWER.
Nope. Wrong...
"The term shower is often assumed to mean that the expectant mother is "showered" with gifts. The related custom bridal shower may have derived its name from the custom in Victorian times for the presents to be put inside a parasol, which when opened would "shower" the bride-to-be with gifts..."
From: Montemurro, Beth (2006). "Origins of Bridal Showers and Bachelorette Parties". Something Old, Something Bold. Rutgers University Press. p. 26.
"According to etiquette authority Miss Manners, because the party centers on gift-giving, the baby shower is typically arranged and hosted by a close friend rather than a member of the family, since it is considered rude for families to beg for gifts on behalf of their members."
The baby shower is not about celebrating the baby, but the mother.
For God's sake, its "advice". People ask for advice (the noun) and a person will advise someone to do something (the verb). You advise about giving advice. Sweet jesus...
I will spell it out: a mother to be should be the guest of honor, not the hostess. Asking people to feed themselves is exceptionally rude. Why? Because not only do you expect them to show up with a gift (a shower by traditional definition and custom is a gift giving event no matter what a butthurt noob wants to justify it with), but to take their time as well. Now you want them to provide their own refreshments?
No no no. Not only are you looking like you are begging for them to give you things (hosting your own) but you are also asking them to spend additional money feeding themselves?! That is a bad host if you are going to do it. Hosting means providing food, beverage and entertainment. You should never host your own (because it looks like you are begging for gifts. I'll repeat) but if you are going to do it (cringe) then at least provide your guests with refreshment. Don't make them do it themselves. Ideally don't do either one, FFS.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Le sigh.
Why am I not surprised that you're wrong again?
All you are saying is that you are proud to be rude.
You said this well, Liz.
1st cycle diagnosed with slight hypothyroidism. Clomid, dexamethasone, HCG trigger shot. BFN
2nd cycle, Clomid, dexamethasone, HCG trigger shot. BFN
3rd cycle, Clomid, dexamethasone, ovulated with out tigger. BFN
4th cycle, Clomid, dexamethasone, HCG trigger shot. BFP!!!
EDD 12/31/2011 ----- actual birthday 01/05/2012
Surprise BFP! - EDD 10/14/2013
Please don't take this as my attempt to be rude or attacking when informative is my intent. Unfortunately, if you do not have friends or family that offer to throw a shower in your honor, it does mean that you don't have one. Think about your motives for having a shower. Those who justify throwing your own by saying "gifts are not expected," know that people WILL bring gifts. And having been in that position before, some will do it because they feel obligated to do it. If they were truly not expected, you wouldn't provide registry information unless specifically asked for it and/or you would expressly say "do not bring gifts this is a celebration of life and an opportunity for people to get together." Also a shower does not have to be thrown by all of friends simultaneously. It can be thrown by 1 or 2 or 3 that do know each other. Friends are removed from the equation altogether when a family member offers to throw it. Having a shower does not have to the expense of the century, either. Having a small gathering with homemade food and beverages, games and such does not have to break the bank. Pinterest has thousands of DIY tips and ideas that host and hostesses could explore to stay within a tight budget.
Do I consider myself fortunate that I have friends and family who are collaboratively working together to throw me a shower? Beyond words! But had no one offered to do it, I would understand that I am not entitled to one just because I'm pregnant. And above all, I would not take it upon myself to throw my own shower. JMO?
1.) No one is angry. I fail to see how adamant disagreement equals angry. We disagree. It doesn't mean we are angry people. Please disabuse yourself of this notion. We are also not bitter, have plenty of friends, and love puppies.
2.) Registries can be done for the completion coupon. You can, gasp, have a registry and not have a shower. That is what I am doing this time around. I do it for my own peace of mind to have a list of things and to get the discount. Shocking, I know. Its not tacky to register. Its a suggestion and not a requirement. The only time the word tacky becomes associated with registry is if you get way bent out of shape that you didn't get everything you registered for.
3.) We care because she posted about it. Much like anything else on this site. If you post it then people care about it. They will opine on it and you might not like everything they have to say. Why do you care that we care?
4.) The forums are strictly for entertainment only. We are not responsible for coddling, advising or otherwise doing anything for anyone else. Is it nice to get help from other moms? Yes. Is it a requirement? No. Its a community of various people with various opinions. Welcome to the internet and TB. Seriously, get a clue and realize that not everything has to be helpful to be worthy of commenting.
Lastly, 5, everyone judges. You are judging us because we are judging right? So see, you aren't exempt from being just as judgmental. Also, you haven't really contributed anything positive or helpful yourself, have you? Nope. So I am really confused how you get off wagging your finger at us when you haven't really done squat for the OP or anyone else except be annoying.
YWIA. Toodles.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I'm sure OP hosted her own potluck wedding shower too.
<a href="https://www.gifbin.com/982166"><img src="https://gifs.gifbin.com/tn_1233928590_citizen kane clapping.gif" alt="funny gifs" /></a>
Totally what im doing right now
I can't get the ticker to work, but I have two sons:
Baby RJ, born 1/25/2014
Formerly Twilightmv
First, thank you for at least not attacking me like some others feel the need to.
I actually do have a few friends who wanted to help host, but they all still live in small apartments or with their parents. One of my best friends is also autistic and got frustrated trying to figure out how to be my maid of honor, so I wouldn't want to put that responsibility on her. I got together with a few of them and we decided my house was the best place to host it since it's a central location with a lot of parking. The only people who will be coming are those who have asked me if i'm having a shower, those who ask about my registry, and those who express an interest. I'm not just mass inviting all my friends hoping to squeeze out as many presents as possible out of obligation. This is friends who were already planning on getting me presents or wanting to come to a shower. I'm "hosting" in the manner of providing food, drinks, decor, party favors, and games. A few of my other friends will be bringing various things they said they wanted to bring (not that I asked them to)...one is making a cake, another is bringing a game to play, etc. They're all excited for it, so why is it "selfish" of me to help out and take some of the weight off their shoulders? I understand etiquette dictates that they need to throw it entirely or not at all...but I feel like that's closed-minded and not helpful. I'd rather be the helpful mom who cared enough about her friends who wanted to celebrate with her to actually offer to host, than the one who told them that no they have to figure it all out on their own and good luck.
I haven't read through all the comments so this may have already been said...if I were you I would use the money for the favors and get sides for the hot dogs and hamburgers. That way it doesn't need to be a potluck anymore. I have gone to number of baby shower some with favors and some without, I never felt slighted when I didn't get one.
I would definitely not go to a baby shower that I had to bring a dish and a gift.
DH: 37
Married: May 24, 2008
TTC #2 since: June 2020
I am about to have my first - due in November! And I am trying to figure out what we really need...and more importantly what items I probably shouldn't buy as I'll likely receive them during my baby shower.
Is this really bad of me to factor in gifts I may receive? What are the most gifted items... or more accurately put: What should I hold off buying till after the shower?... just in case
Also while online I came across this ?complete? list: www.bab.io
Personally, I think it's useful... as I can't bear using Excel
However, there?s a lot listed? and quite a bit of it is ?optional?. Does this mean I can ignore the optional items if budget gets tight? What are people?s thoughts? Is the list roughly right? Missing anything major? Useful? Any and all thoughts welcome.
The irony of having so much concern for the feelings and comfort of others by obeying shower etiquette rules because if you don't those same guests will talk trash behind your back. Too bad the expectations for etiquette don't go both ways.