Birth Story

I went in for a scheduled induction on Friday...May 17th. I was already a week late and my doctor said she was comfortable with me getting induced. I've heard from a lot of friends say that it is better to go all natural and let her come when she was ready. I know this is true but at the same time, I knew all the complications that can come with letting them wait as well. Not all babies know when to come and not all bodies know when to react. When we got there, they gave me a pill to soften my cervix. The nurse on duty at the time said it could take up to 4-4 hour sessions for it to really kick in before petocine could begin. Towards the end of my first session, my doc came in and said I was ready for petocine. I was ecstatic. A few hours later, I was still at 2 cm and she decided to break my water. She found that there was meconium in my water. This was heartbreaking because my mother had meconium in her fluids with my brother and had many complications due to it. She also showed signs of hard labor and distress and the docs still wouldn't do anything for her. This was nearly 30 years ago so my parents have assured me that I am getting better medical care than what my mother ever got. The docs later diagnosed him as being 'socially delayed' and I knew I didn't want that for my child. My doc said that it so light in color and low in odor that there was probably nothing to worry about, they would just have to clean her up before I could hold her which I was okay with because I knew it was for the best.

I knew I wanted an epi so once the contractions got worse, I requested it. The baby's head was sitting on my nerve so of course my left side didn't get as much so I could still feel the contractions on my left side. I labored for about 16 hours and began to run a fever indicating infection. I was finally ready to push and did so for about 2 1/2 hours. It didn't really seem that long because my contractions were a couple minutes apart and I actually fell asleep between a few. DH watched the monitors because he could see some coming before I could even feel them and would sometimes tell me when to push. Once she came out, the nurses wisked her to her little plastic bed to clean her up and get her all settled. I had DH stay with her the whole time. I knew they had to give her antibiotics for my fever and the meconium.

She was sent straight into NICU. Again, I was alright with this because I knew it was what was best for her. They said that they are running tests for infection and giving her antibiotics. They said all her cultures came back negative but her white blood and PRC blood cells were high because she was fighting an infection but didn't know what. The antibiotics stabilized all this so it is no longer an issue. We later found out that she wasn't keeping anything down. She was constantly throwing up. They did an x ray and found residual formula in her stomach and did some tests to see why this was. The doc concluded that her intestines weren't pushing the food through her digestive tract like normal babies would so it was easier to throw it back up instead of trying to digest it. They've started her on medication to hopefully fix this problem. This meant that her visit would be prolonged.

I was discharged on the following Monday but had to leave her there. I knew she was in good hands. I cried most of the night and periodically since then because I missed her so much and just wanted her home with me. I just feel helpless now. I want to be with her all the time. When she was throwing up, she would just give me this look of either 'help me mama' or even a look of apology. There was nothing I could do to help her. She is on a feeding regimen of 7 cc's every 3 hours. The doc would like to see her up to 46 cc's every 3 hours. This only adds to my discouragement of having her home anytime soon. I know I should be grateful that her medical issues aren't worse but I cant stand to see my baby watch us walk away every day and not be home with us. I want so bad to do all the things you do with baby's at home. I want her home with her mommy and daddy where she belongs.

A part of me also misses just being at the hospital. My body is healing very well and I haven't had any problems. But I think I just miss the fact that someone was always checking up on me and looking after me. Its not that I can't do that on my own, its just nice to have that extra added attention. Has anyone else felt this way after leaving the hospital or is it just me? Maybe a little postpardum?