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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
MountainRose12
member
Nightmare in the Car!! Suggestions needed.
MountainRose12
member
Hi Ladies! I'm popping in for some much needed advice . . .
My 17 mo DD absolutely, positively HATES riding in the car. She has always disliked it, but over the past 4-6 weeks it has become particularly unbearable. She screams as we fasten her into her seat, then calms down long enough to pull out of the driveway. But she begins whining by the end of the street and without fail, she's in melt-down mode by the 7 minute mark.
I feel like we've tried everything. Three different car seats, rear-facing, forward facing, various angles. Kids music, NPR, dance tunes, no music, talking about things we see out the window. We have special rotating car toys and books. I've tried reasoning with her by explaining why it's so important to stay calm in the car. She likes going "bye-bye" and will run to get her shoes when it's time to leave. But when I ask her whether she can behave in the car, she shakes her head and says "no."
The "Car Situation," as it's known at our house, has become so awful that we dread leaving the house. We simply cannot go anywhere further than 20 minutes away. I've developed an unhealthy fear of getting stuck in traffic. I should add that in all other respects, DD is an easy going, happy, mindful child.
Do you have any advice? Thanks in advance.
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Re: Nightmare in the Car!! Suggestions needed.
Is there a local park on your route, maybe you can start a routine of stopping at the park for 15 minutes on the way back from where eever it is you go.. but only on days she behaves in the car.
I'm at a loss with this one. This would be so hard. Are the straps too tight when you fasten her in? Is there a toy/electronic device (i.e. iPad) that she wouldn't normally be allowed to look at that you would let her have in the car? What is your reaction like when she starts melting down? Maybe she is feeding off of your anxiety? She knows you'll stop when she starts freaking out? How long have you let her go for?
Racking my brain...
Is the sun in her eyes at all? That'll send my toddler into car meltdown mode no question.
Is she too hot back there? My kid used to scream in the car if she was too hot, even as a newborn. It happens fast. Those carseats hold a lot of heat. I changed the vent settings, turned the air up and it helped a lot. I also don't put more clothes on her than necessary in the car. i save sweatshirts, pullovers etc. until we get out.
Are her carseat straps rubbing on her neck or legs in an annoying way?
She's hated the car since birth, so we've had the opportunity to plot and re-plot our reaction. I have raised my voice at her a few times, but my usual reaction is to go through the routine of attempting to distract her . . . ask her what's wrong, change the music, hand her a new book, point out a bicyclist, etc. I've not considered giving her an electronic device in the car, as I don't let her play with my ipad/phone in general, but I'm sure it would occupy her for awhile!
These days, we never pull over when she's screaming. We just wait until we've arrived at our destination. Like I said, we're almost never in the car longer than 20 minutes.
I don't think the straps are too tight. I liberally follow the two-finger rule. I've also tried going with and without the strap-pads.
You know, the sun being in her eyes is a good point. I removed the pull-down sun shield awhile back so she could see better out the window. Then again, she freaks out in all weather and at all times of day.
Maybe she is too hot back there. She is hot-natured and her behavior has gotten worse since spring sprung . . . I'll look into it. Thanks.
This is a TOTAL shot in the dark, but do you think it could be like sleep training?
Kind of like, she has gotten her way, you have changed your behavior to accommodate her?
A lot could be going on and causing a vicious cycle. She has had issues with the car, so you get tense when preparing and putting her in the car (logically so).
Could you buy ear plugs and just go about your routine and ignore the screaming? I know this is MUCH MUCH MUCH easier said than done, but it seems if she is good natured all of the rest of the time that you should be able to break this behavior.
Again, total shot in the dark, just my first thought when I read your story.
As for the heat.. we dont get as much cool air to the back of the car as the front so I bought a clip on fan that runs from the cigarette lighter socket. I have the cord wrapped around the handle several timesabove my side so in an accident it's pretty well strapped down and I'm the one who will get clocked in the head if anyone is. Got mine at Walmart for about $12, it's a bit loud but works great.
My youngest has always hated the car but we cannot avoid going places because of that. Like a PP suggested, we kind of just ignored his behavior once we knew there was nothing physically wrong with him and it's gotten a lot better. I have a soft mirror up and he likes looking at himself in that. Sometimes I give him a sippy of water, sometimes he gets a soft toy but for the most part, he just chucks those to the side and rides with nothing. I found that the more I talked to him/tried to calm him down in the beginning the worse he was.
Oops, my last response was directed at you, so I'll just repost it!
Ater thinking about and discussing it with DH, I think you hit the nail on the head. This is probably exactly what's going on. Thank you for the insight.
Get a portable dvd player for the car and attach it to the headrest. That's what we did and it saved my sanity!
I don't have any great advice, but I belong to a very large Facebook group administered / run by car seat safety technicians. If you post there you may be able to get some suggestions. As large as the group is, I'm sure someone else has run into this issue before. And perhaps one of the techs have some advice.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/CarSeatsForTheLittles/?fref=ts
I feel your pain. My oldest, who is now 5, was horrible in the car. Finally at about 2.5 years I took her to the doc- I pulled over and called while in the car so they could hear her in the back ground- and said I can't take this anymore- help!!
So it turned out, even though she pooped once a day, she was chronically constipated! We've been on miralax ever since and while it wasn't a night and day change right away- (she had definitely conditioned herself to scream her head off in the car) it got better.
She still had her moments, so I decided to try something way out there w/ my dh and it helped more than anything after her physical problems got better. We said no fits in the car and one day when she started, I had my dh pull over and make us get out. It was at a nearby elementary school and we sat on the curb and she screamed like crazy when daddy drove away. She was 3 at the time, so she could understand more, but we talked about how crying was no longer allowed in the car and if she started up again- I'd say I really don't want daddy to have to drop us off again- and she'd stop.
It really sucks and like I said I can completely empathize and I hope you figure out the trigger and condition her to cut that out so you can happily leave your home!