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Working Moms
Gigglebuggy
member
Serious Mommy Guilt
Gigglebuggy
member
in Working Moms
Hi Everyone,
I learned that I'm pregnant with my first right after my hubby and I moved to Memphis. We're both new hires at our jobs (we're school teachers) so my maternity leave is unpaid, and he has no paternity leave. Therefore, I'll need to leave my LO with a babysitter at 6 weeks old. She'll be at the sitters from 7:00 A.M. until 4:20 P.M every weekday.
Seriously, I can't stop crying. I was raised by a
stay-at-home mom, and every one of my friends is home with their babies.
I can feel their silent judgement on me. I don't think I'll be able to
concentrate on my class without missing her to pieces at every second.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Serious Mommy Guilt
Can you financially afford to SAH? No? Then STOP wasting energy on feeling guilty about working to put a roof over your LO's head, clothes on their back and food in their mouth!
Who care what your "friends" think. If they are judging you, it's time to find new friends.
You and your LO are going to be fine. :-) Stop worrying about things you can't change and focus on the positives.
GL to you!
Most of us (if not all) have felt Mommy guilt to one degree or another... whether we went back to work at 6 weeks, 3 months, a year, or more. It's totally normal to feel this way... but it does get better.
The build up leading to going back... the worry and anxiety over missing your sweet baby and wanting to stay home with them always is worse (in my experience and the experience of many of the other mamas on my birth month board) than actually going back to work.
Work isn't all that bad. Getting out into the 'real world' with adults, carrying on adult conversations, rocking out to loud music in your car (something you can't do with an infant), and having time for YOURSELF is great! But even with all the ups, you will miss your LO... no question. I work full-time and have really crappy days sometimes, but coming home to my smiling little man is seriously THE BEST and makes the whole work day melt away.
And your friends that stay home are (hopefully) not really judging you. If they are they can get over THAT real quick and mind their own business, there is NOTHING wrong with being a working mama.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Secondly, I want to share with you that my little guy is 12 weeks and in daycare full time. He's doing great there and is so happy. The socialization is great for him and his caregivers adore him. So daycare isn't a bad thing so far it's been a very positive experience. As they get older they learn a lot there too. I think you may find that daycare winds up being great for your LO too.
Good luck and don't beat yourself up. You guys will be just fine :
Both of my kids went into DC at 5-6 wks for longer hours than you mentioned. They are thriving and I couldn't be happier. I am working to provide for my family, enjoy grown up time and extras I like with my disposable income.
Most ppl experience some sort of guilt. It's up to you which part of your life you want to focus on. Remember it's about the quality v quantity of time you spend with LO.
DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption
I am sorry you are feeling this way. I know it is hard when your actual life does not match up with the expectations you may have had, and it sounds from your post like that is what is happening here. But you really, really need to let go of the guilt. You are putting your LO in DC so you can provide a stable, happy home. There is nothing wrong with that whatsoever.
If you can maintain a teaching job, that is one of the most ideal jobs to have once your LO is older - you will still be able to work but will have the same schedule as your child.
A lot of moms-to-be struggle with this so you are normal and not alone. But you need to let go of the guilt, and any friends who are actually judging you, and muster the confidence to know you are doing the right thing. You have time for find a DC that will be a good environment for your child - lots of kids thrive in DC.
When I was still pregnant, I felt similar in that I was really worried about leaving my 8 week old in daycare and I was worried about how much time (or how little) time I would get to spend with him in the evenings before bed. After the reality happened and I actually had the baby and went back to work and put him in daycare, none of those worries happened. I enjoy coming to work, he does great in daycare, and I get to spend plenty of time with him on weeknights and the weekends.
It's easy to worry and be scared about the unknown, but there is no point feeling guilty or worrying about something that is just a fact of life. If you can't be a stay-at-home mom or you don't want to be, don't feel guilty about that! Enjoy your pregnancy, enjoy your baby. If your friends truly are judging you, maybe you need some new friends. Or maybe you need to have a talk about why you're choosing to go back to work so they can understand your point of view. My best friend is a SAHM and I've never felt any judgement from her whatsoever. Everyone has to make their own best choices for their family. Don't let someone else make you feel bad about what works best for your family.
this! Plus mommy guilt happens regardless. I'm mostly home with my LO (freelance part time) and I feel guilty if I even take time to paint my nails or do something nice for myself. Most of my time goes to my LO and trying to find balance is tough if you are a sahm or a working mom. If you can afford to stay home do it but that doesn't erase mommy guilt.
Your LO will be fine. Her normal will be going to a sitter and, later on, daycare or school. She will not feel sad or deprived because that will be all that she knows. And she will grow up like all the other kids who go to daycare (or who have nannies) to be a well-adjusted, wonderful adult. That is not to say you won't still feel guilty, but it will be just that - a feeling. I still feel a little sad after a long weekend with LO, but I also know that my LO is getting great care!
P.S.--I was at a wedding this past weekend with LO. A relative, who is a SAHM, had her LO (who is the same age as my LO) with her. Her LO was clingy and cried almost anytime she was separated from her Mom. On the other hand, my LO was outgoing and enjoyed being passed around from person to person. He was a complete ham and happy regardless of who was holding him or playing with him. Now I'm sure part of that is innate personality, but I also think the fact that my LO is used to having other people other than myself care for him plays into that, too. That is not to say that SAHM's cannot successfully provide the same interactions through play dates, etc., but it is innately built-in to having a third party care for your child.
I also think that there is a real benefit as children get a little older (say 2-4) to having them in a daycare or preschool that teaches them age appropriate lessons/skills. Again, that is not to say that a SAHM can't do the same thing at home...
2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014
May 2014 January Siggy Challenge:
Ditto all this.
We were at my college reunion this weekend and while DD took a few minutes to warm up to people and was a little overwhelmed w/ the crowd intially, she warmed up quickly. In fact, she was so comfortable she happily went on a dog walk w/ one of my friends (who she'd NEVER met before) and 2 other older girls she'd just met. They got stuck b/c of sudden thunderstorm - and again, not a word or a concern about anything. (I'm sure about 70% of this was getting a chance to "walk" a dog, but she was great and fine leaving me and DH). And, we got a few mintues to ourselves. Win Win - on the other hand, some people couldn't come to reunion b/c their older kids (6, 7, 8) threw hissy fits when mom proposed leaving for 2 nights. All of those were FT SAHMs.
We've visited different day cares, and we've spoken to 2 in-home program owners. Our neighbor's sister has offered to watch her as she's starting up a very small home daycare. Based on her skills (she's a former pediatric nurse, as well as a parent), as well as her prices, we're very interested in having her watch LO. She also knows my husband, and he seems very comfortable with her and her family. Once LO is a toddler, we'll look into an accredited day care/preschool in our neighborhood.