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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Mother in law ignores my toddler
I'm heartbroken. Over and over again I see my mother in law completely ignore my 15 month old and it hurts. In every family gathering, she just ignores him.
It started a few months ago. It sometimes is when we are alone with them or on a larger group. For example, we brought him over to her house on Mother's Day which is 2 hours away and I cooked her lunch. We said she could just relax and spend time with our little guy while we ran the kitchen and she spend the whole time standing in the kitchen while I cooked. My son just sat and played with his grandpa.
When my son was first born she packed her bags and stayed here for a whole week even though we asked her to please give us sometime until we were ready for house guests. We have been working hard to create boundries while still making an effort for her to spend time with him. She now decided to ignore him. Maybe she is mad at me and wants to make a point. Im not sure. She will insist to come to our house and we will pull him out of daycare for the day so she can spend time with him. Last time, I got home from work and she was upstairs doing her nails while my father in law ran after our son. God knows what happens all day. I will not pull him out of daycare for the day anymore when she comes to visit.
She also picks favorites. My brother in law has twins and she compares them all the time, makes terrible comments about one of the boys and ignores him really. He is only 5. I feel like she is heading the same way with my son.
My little man is a very happy, smiley, easy going boy. I can't imagine why she would do this but she does and it's awful.
Not sure what to do about this... My parents live overseas and she is the grandma that will be around most of the time. Just to think he might have his feeling hurts in the future really makes me sad. Any advice on how I should handle this?
It started a few months ago. It sometimes is when we are alone with them or on a larger group. For example, we brought him over to her house on Mother's Day which is 2 hours away and I cooked her lunch. We said she could just relax and spend time with our little guy while we ran the kitchen and she spend the whole time standing in the kitchen while I cooked. My son just sat and played with his grandpa.
When my son was first born she packed her bags and stayed here for a whole week even though we asked her to please give us sometime until we were ready for house guests. We have been working hard to create boundries while still making an effort for her to spend time with him. She now decided to ignore him. Maybe she is mad at me and wants to make a point. Im not sure. She will insist to come to our house and we will pull him out of daycare for the day so she can spend time with him. Last time, I got home from work and she was upstairs doing her nails while my father in law ran after our son. God knows what happens all day. I will not pull him out of daycare for the day anymore when she comes to visit.
She also picks favorites. My brother in law has twins and she compares them all the time, makes terrible comments about one of the boys and ignores him really. He is only 5. I feel like she is heading the same way with my son.
My little man is a very happy, smiley, easy going boy. I can't imagine why she would do this but she does and it's awful.
Not sure what to do about this... My parents live overseas and she is the grandma that will be around most of the time. Just to think he might have his feeling hurts in the future really makes me sad. Any advice on how I should handle this?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Mother in law ignores my toddler
Our family blog
I disagree with some other posters... I a) understand why you needed to set boundaries when he was first born, and b) understand why you are hurt by your MIL behaviors. Grandparents are special people in a kid's life... I personally would work very hard to ensure my kid's have a positive relationship with them. From what you've written, it sounds like MIL got her feelings hurt by the boundaries and is being petty/immature about it. If she is hurt, she should speak directly to you about it rather than act passive-aggressive toward your family.
That said, I would be the bigger person and sit down with MIL. Tell her what you've noticed and how it makes you feel. Have DH there as well... it's his mother after all. Apologize for any hurt feelings and try to get on the same page with her. Hopefully you guys can remedy the situation.
I think dh may have to head up this issue, but I'd have to ask if she's coming out what she wants to do? If she says visit w/ your son, then cool, but maybe she just wants to get away for a day??
Have dh ask her if she is intentionally giving the kiddo the cold shoulder? She may be clueless or she may need to have someone call her out so she'll cut that out!