Ugh bad Infertility weeks...

Manada · June 2013

I have been MIA, I will admit it. I have been super busy at work and stressed out about that, plus our upcoming Love Party. Bah.

AND my cousin texted me yesterday to say she's pregnant and "thought it would be hard but it wasn't". Um throat punch! Then she proceeded to tell me pretty much everything you shouldn't say to someone struggling with IF "just relax! It won't work if you're stressed! I know you will get it soon!" Um, no. I won't.

We are going in tomorrow for H's Lap surgery and tube removal and we have no idea what news will come from it. But I DO know that we blew through about ten grand already this year trying with me and it didn't happen! Fluck you little cousin who got pregnant after three months of trying with your husband ... you have no idea if we will get it or not, but relaxing has very little to do H's bum tube or my crappy ovaries! Argh!

I am sorry. I just had to rant. I am so tired of this, and because we are queer our people have no idea of how hard or invasive it is to just TRY, not to mention how much harder and more expensive it gets when infertility issues show up.

Days like this make me just want to bury myself in queer communities because I had the way straight, or friends in hetero relationships, just can't seem to possibly get it.

Jazibel · June 2013

Ugh - blech. Insensitive people are so frustrating. So sorry your cousin doesn't understand what you two are going through in trying to start your family. EV and I tried over the course of a couple of years (on and off) to get pregnant with K. In that time is seemed so many of my straight friends were popping out kids left and right and some of them were less than supportive - in trying to be supportive. It's just so different when TTC isn't simple. And I'm sure adding IF into the mix adds another layer of complexity. I have faith that you'll have your family soon - and that the path whatever it entails will be worth it.

Our sister-in-law is struggling right now she and my brother-in-law have been trying for over 15 months and I could see the stress in her face the last time we talked. I was grateful for my experience TTC because we talked about fertility signs and techniques and I didn't just pat her shoulder and tell her it'll happen when it happens (which I had heard back then). I would love a cousin for K - so its hard when I feel personally invested in their success. But I love them too much to not respect the emotional, trying times around starting a family.

Sorry to ramble. Anyway I hope that you find out good news at your next appointment. And that your family and friends are amazingly supportive (in all the right ways) over the coming weeks and months as you two gear up for the big celebration.

clairmeij · June 2013

Today I am trending on being minimalist with words, and honestly, I don't know what I could say except that I understand how difficult this must be for you both. It never ceased to amaze me how people who could never understand the situation would give advice when we were trying - it was so frustrating. Having several friends and family members accidentally get pregnant didn't help either.

Sending big love, lots of peace and patience for those days when you want to break a nose.

KH826 · June 2013

I am so sorry Manada -- it is hard, and most people just don't get it. You and Healz have been through a lot trying to start your family. You are right, relaxing will only get you so far, and when you have fertility issues to overcome, hearing "just relax" is not helpful. I am sorry that your cousin was insensitive about what you have gone through and continue to go through.

This might not be the right thing to say, but I mean it genuinely, so hopefully it will be received that way... but if you can, try to just focus on the "right now" and be thankful for the love you have and the opportunities for the future that you can still hold onto. Your Love Party is going to be amazing, and you have a lot of reasons to be optimistic about the surgery you folks are tackling this week. Sending you lots of support!

mollykelley · June 2013

I'm sorry Manada! I've noticed your absence and I've definitely missed you. Thinking of Healz for her lap surgery, and wishing you all the best for the steps forward that you are taking.

And hoping you will enjoy your Love Party and everyone there to celebrate you and your love!

lbugher · June 2013

"I just had to rant. I am so tired of this, and because we are queer our people have no idea of how hard or invasive it is to just TRY, not to mention how much harder and more expensive it gets when infertility issues show up."

Sorry to hear that, Manda I totally sympathize with you in that statement. My partner and I always say how grateful we are that we're two women since we have 2 sets of baby-bakers so I can't imagine how frustrating it would be if we found out neither of ours worked the way they should. I won't now how fertile I am until I try (first IUI in July or August) but I'm up first and she's up next (if she can handle it - kind of a pansy when it comes to pain lol)

In any case, I'm wishing your partner successful and easy surgery/recovery. Hang in there and don't give up! And know there are plenty of lesbians out there who are shelling out big bucks trying to get knocked up, too.

I'm tempted to tell people I went to the local bar and skeezed on a desperate man in order to save money on IUI... I wonder how that will go over.

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