Normal for a 4 or 5 year old?

proudworkingmom82 · June 2013

DD is 4.5 years old and I still can not leave her alone even to do something as simple as shower. She either gets in to stuff she's not supposed to or I'm afraid she will leave the apartment. Is this the norm or can you leave your 4 or 5 year old alone long enough to shower? I know she is too young to be left unattended longer than that but it seems kind of odd that at this age I still can't even shower while she's awake.

ETA: Maybe it is me being overprotective.

74dragonfly · June 2013

I can leave DD playing and shower or clean. Do your DD play on her own?

proudworkingmom82 · June 2013

KKDRAGONFLY:
I can leave DD playing and shower or clean. Do your DD play on her own?

She will play on her own a little but not much.

Littlejen22 · June 2013

Can you say with certainty that it is not you being overprotective? If she really cannot go 5 or 10 min without getting into a dangerous situation I would be concerned. I could leave my kids to shower when they were two and certainly by 4 cannot imagine not being able to do that even if it meant putting on a TV show.

proudworkingmom82 · June 2013

Littlejen22:
Can you say with certainty that it is not you being overprotective? If she really cannot go 5 or 10 min without getting into a dangerous situation I would be concerned. I could leave my kids to shower when they were two and certainly by 4 cannot imagine not being able to do that even if it meant putting on a TV show.

Maybe it is me being overprotective.

74dragonfly · June 2013

proudworkingmom82:
KKDRAGONFLY:
I can leave DD playing and shower or clean. Do your DD play on her own?
She will play on her own a little but not much.   

Id work on getting her to play by herself more.

LoveEeyore · June 2013

I think it is normal for an only child who hasn't been given sufficient practice. I recommend finding something she likes and giving her materials and setting a timer and rewarding her for 5 minutes staying on it. Increase to 10 and then 15 and take quick showers!

I would lock your bedroom door so she doesn't have free reign of the apartment. Talk to your management and see if you can install a safety lock on the exit door.

I think it may a global problem: my three year olds (nearly four) for some time have been able to engage themselves for some time... I think maybe engaging her in a toy- like bristle blocks for 3-5 minutes then exiting and having her play on her own, and setting a timer would help. It could be a lack of defined expectations, it could be a shortage of materials that capture her interest, or it could be a red flag for a problem. I would say try to be more clear of your expectations and restrict her free reign, then consider talking to your pedi if it doesn't improve or if there are other red flags.

ilovemygirls · June 2013

Yes, you should be able to leave a child that age long enough to shower. My only concern from your post is that you mention her getting out of your apartment- you need to get a high lock or chain put in for safety. Other than that she should be able to play or watch TV by herself so you can shower in peace. Heck, when my kids were 1 & 3 I could leave them in a kid-proofed room together to watch TV while I showered. Those were faster showers, but as they got older & certainly by the time they were 2 & 4 I could take a leisurely shower!

changingnames · June 2013

LoveEeyore:
I think it is normal for an only child who hasn't been given sufficient practice. I recommend finding something she likes and giving her materials and setting a timer and rewarding her for 5 minutes staying on it. Increase to 10 and then 15 and take quick showers!
I would lock your bedroom door so she doesn't have free reign of the apartment. Talk to your management and see if you can install a safety lock on the exit door.
I think it may a global problem: my three year olds (nearly four) for some time have been able to engage themselves for some time... I think maybe engaging her in a toy- like bristle blocks for 3-5 minutes then exiting and having her play on her own, and setting a timer would help. It could be a lack of defined expectations, it could be a shortage of materials that capture her interest, or it could be a red flag for a problem. I would say try to be more clear of your expectations and restrict her free reign, then consider talking to your pedi if it doesn't improve or if there are other red flags.

I think this is excellent advice. Our 4 1/2 year old can entertain himself for an hour no problem (he gets up at the crack od dawn and I will get up and feed him, set him up with an activity and go back to sleep till the baby gets up). He used to elope and we put hook and eye locks on the doors or made it so you need a key to open from the inside. One of the doors we just put a hook and eye on the screen so he couldn't get to to the door. If she truly can't play or even watch a cartoon thru a quick shower, I would bring it up with your pedi.

KL777 · June 2013

When I take a shower, I either play one of his favorite DVRd shows or take out his arts and crafts materials for him to create something (construction paper, stickers, kid scissors, glue stick, markers, and crayons).

memali26 · June 2013

DD1 is just over 3 and DD2 is 1.5 and I can leave them alone together while I shower for 10-15 minutes. I leave the bathroom door open so they can come get me if needed, lock the exterior doors (which DD1 actually knows how to unlock and open, but that hasn't been an issue) and turn on a TV show. Sometimes they sit nicely and watch the show or read books, sometimes they drag every toy they own into the living room. Either way, as long as they are both alive and in one piece with no bloodshed, I consider it a win.

Before I was sure I could trust DD1 not to open the exterior doors I would put up a gate at the end of the hallway so she only had access to the bedrooms and the bathroom I was in. If you're concerned about your daughter leaving the apartment, maybe something like that is an option?

jlw2505 · June 2013

I can leave my girls alone in the house while I shower/go to the bathroom and totally trust them. My girls are now 5 and 7 in 2 weeks but I have been doing this for at least a year with my youngest. I didn't start as young with my older DD just due to her little sister but she would be totally fine.

I started with them a few years ago doing the basics of leaving them playing in the living room and running downstairs to do laundry for example or taking the trash can to the curb so it was 5 mins or less. I then moved up to having them watch TV in my room while I was in the shower. I can now have them playing and jump in the shower and not have to worry regardless of where in the house they are. We go over the rules and all of that stuff (don't open the door, etc).

echowysp2 · June 2013

Yes, I leave my 2 and 4 year olds routinely to do all sorts of things, like shower or do work calls, etc. They might make a mess, but nothing ever too much.

They've done this since super little, though, so they are used to it and I'm a bit more on the lax side of parenting. I will close the garage door if I'm showering to prevent the little one from maybe wandering out, but it's never been an issue.

sunnydays99 · June 2013

I've been able to leave my DS alone while I shower since he was 2.5. He typically hangs out in my bedroom with dd but sometimes he'll venture downstairs by himself. He's never been one to get into mischief though.

neverblushed · June 2013

I haven't read the other replies, but I think this is odd.

By 4, both of my kids could play outside in our yard unsupervised, could get up and play/read on their own for a little in the morning if they woke earlier than me, and could certainly hang out while I took a shower for 10 minutes.

If you have tried it, and your DD actually gets into stuff that's forbidden, you have a discipline issue or an impulse control issue.

If you've never actually tried leaving her alone while you take a shower, you have a confidence issue. If this is the case, try it! Just tell her what your expectations are before you go into the shower. For instance, "I'm taking a shower. I'll be in the bathroom for about 10 minutes, or as long as it takes to read a story. While I'm in there, you can stay in the living room and play with either ____ or _____. You cannot do ___ or _____. If you have any questions, knock on the bathroom door and get me."

proudworkingmom82 · June 2013

LoveEeyore:
I think it is normal for an only child who hasn't been given sufficient practice. I recommend finding something she likes and giving her materials and setting a timer and rewarding her for 5 minutes staying on it. Increase to 10 and then 15 and take quick showers!
I would lock your bedroom door so she doesn't have free reign of the apartment. Talk to your management and see if you can install a safety lock on the exit door.
I think it may a global problem: my three year olds (nearly four) for some time have been able to engage themselves for some time... I think maybe engaging her in a toy- like bristle blocks for 3-5 minutes then exiting and having her play on her own, and setting a timer would help. It could be a lack of defined expectations, it could be a shortage of materials that capture her interest, or it could be a red flag for a problem. I would say try to be more clear of your expectations and restrict her free reign, then consider talking to your pedi if it doesn't improve or if there are other red flags.

Thanks for the advice. I think it is very possible that I just don't try hard enough to make her play alone. She is an only child and has always had all my attention and not really been made to play alone.

proudworkingmom82 · June 2013

-auntie-:
Is this about you or is this about your child?
Even my essentially feral DS with ASD and ADHD was capable of being left alone for long enough to shower, dress, bring groceries in or get the mail by the time he was four. I mean he wasn't perfect, he'd get into stuff once in a while, but I'm not in the habit of leaving loaded guns around so it wasn't a huge deal.
Has your child attempted to elope or is this a "what if" possibility in your mind? A double dead bolt lock is effective against elopement assuming she won't use a window.
I'd be concerned about over all development if she can't amuse herself for a good 30 minutes at this age or if she's so impulsive bad things will happen if left alone for 10 minutes.

She is "bad" But she wouldn't go out a window or anything crazy. And I mostly just asked this because I am curious of what other peoples 4-5 year olds were like compared to DD.

rsd12 · June 2013

While it is definitely easier with siblings as it keeps them occupied. I do shower when if is just the youngest and I at home and his brothers at school. Most of the time I will put a show on for him, but I typically find him playing with a toy or his older brothers ds gaming system... Sometimes he will just join me too..

I always bolt the door as a precaution, but they have never left the house without my permission.

But my nephew at age 6 will still take off!

shopgirl78 · June 2013

I leave all 3 of mine to shower including a 3.5 year old. I worry most about my 5.5 year old though more because of his personality is to cause trouble. We also have an alarm on the house. I set it and would be able to hear if the door open. I do set boundaries for them while i am in the shower, usually don't answer the phone/door, don't make a mess and don't get into the snacks.

auburnbride2be · June 2013

My daughter is almost 5. She showers alone and plays alone, but I check on her often. In the shower, I just have to do reminders like - wash your body, wash your hair, almost time to get out because she gets distracts and plays. I think that is fairly normal. If I left her to do it on her own, she would but it may take twice as long.

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