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What does BF think?

CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
in Blended Families
DH and I got the dental insurance cards in. I called and set up a dentist that was able to take all 5 of us me, DH, my DS and DD and K. Now my husband and I are torn...

There aren't cards for each person, just one group card in my husband's name. We're not comfortable giving BM a copy of the card since it has our GROUP info. We have had problems in the past of BM authorizing elective treatments without consulting DH and then having us billed for it. We get the bill, she cries "poor" and we end up paying the entire bill to avoid our credit taking the hit. My husband doesn't want her having the Group info and repeating the behavior. We are going to make all 3 kids' appointments for the same day and time so that DH can talk to the office about setting up some sort of plan if treatment is needed and there are out of pocket costs. We're hoping that they will be willing to do what the pediatrician has done and will not bill the copay, and will only do treatment if DH is contacted PRIOR and gives consent. However, even with his consent for treatment he does not want them billing us for it and wants it to be paid upfront.

Obviously DH is going to give BM notice of the appointment as well as the dentist's info. But he does not want to give her a copy of the card. In our State, dental insurance isn't mandated and he's not legally required to provide it. He just wants to make sure that K only receives treatment she NEEDS, not elective stuff that BM wants but refuses to pay for. Thoughts?
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Re: What does BF think?

  • dannie2011dannie2011 member
    I would not give her a copy of the card either. I know our dentist gets a copy and we never have to show the card again unless something with the insurance changes. I think what your husband want to do at the dentist office is perfectly fine. I hope they will agree to do it that way, I can't see why not since he is the one who carries the insurance. If not I would just make it so he must be the one to take her in or BM pays all of it herself.

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  • fellesferiefellesferie member
    Since she has pulled shenanigans before, I vote no card.
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  • hopankahopanka member
    I'm thinking that once K is a patient and her card is on file, her mother won't have to show anything. She may just make an appointment, approve whatever, and get it done without your husband knowing. All it needs is a different staff member who didn't know your husband is to be called, and there you have it. Plus, most dr offices don't want to be in the middle of custody scuffles, they take the patient and that is the end. If BM does that, you may just have to take her to court, unfortunately. Just curious, what kinds of electives was she requesting at the dentist before? I can't think of a single thing for a 6 year old that would make sense.
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    I agree with Hop that you might have issues with this because out will be on file. You might want to ask their office manager what can be done such as maybe after they bill the insurance they can remove ye insurance from their system and have to put it back in the next time she is seen. It would be easier in an office that has physical files but very few dentists have files and not computers anymore.
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  • 2chatter2chatter member
    I have never once used a dental card.  They can verify benefits without it, and my company went paperless.  I think you can give her the card or not, the same issue remains.  BM sees coverage as a reason to seek out dental care, largely elective.  Can DH place a notatized letter on file that states he only consents to treatment of SD there if you or he are present?  Might be  PITA you have to handle all appts, but really, how many are there?
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  • Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member

    Honestly, it doesn't matter whether she has the dental card or not like Hopanka and agree with what elective are you talking about her doing before. I also can't see a dentist doing any electives on a child that age.

    I have SM's insurance card for DD and BM has my insurance cards for my SKs. It's no big deal. The real problem isn't with the card at all. The real problem is consenting to things you don't agree to which can happen with or without a card.

    Oh and I haven't given my dentist my card in years. I have the same dental insurance I've had since 2000 and they only ask if I've had a change.

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  • twister22twister22 member
    imagegin9874:

    Honestly, it doesn't matter whether she has the dental card or not like Hopanka and agree with what elective are you talking about her doing before. I also can't see a dentist doing any electives on a child that age.

    I have SM's insurance card for DD and BM has my insurance cards for my SKs. It's no big deal. The real problem isn't with the card at all. The real problem is consenting to things you don't agree to which can happen with or without a card.

    Oh and I haven't given my dentist my card in years. I have the same dental insurance I've had since 2000 and they only ask if I've had a change.

    All of this.

    However, I still vote BM doesn't get a card. Let her throw a fit. I would definitely talk to the dentist and let them know that SD doesn't get ANYTHING done through DH's insurance without DH's consent. I would get something notarized.

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  • dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member
    What on earth expensive services can you authorize at a dentist?  If the child has a cavity it needs to be filled.  Other than the basic preventative which is usually covered at 100% or 80% I don't know how you could go buck wild at the dentist office for a 6 year old.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member

    imagehopanka:
    I'm thinking that once K is a patient and her card is on file, her mother won't have to show anything. She may just make an appointment, approve whatever, and get it done without your husband knowing. All it needs is a different staff member who didn't know your husband is to be called, and there you have it. Plus, most dr offices don't want to be in the middle of custody scuffles, they take the patient and that is the end. If BM does that, you may just have to take her to court, unfortunately. Just curious, what kinds of electives was she requesting at the dentist before? I can't think of a single thing for a 6 year old that would make sense.

    DH had dental insurance under his old health insurance years ago.  Back when K was 4 BM took her to the dentist and it turned out the K had 4 cavities.  BM insisted that K have the white fillings as opposed to the silver fillings (insurance only covered the silver fillings) and it cost an extra $50 per tooth.  And they were baby teeth that fell out, so why the need for the extra cost of white fillings?  Also, the insurance only covered 2 sets of X-rays per year.  BM would take K more than twice a year and demand X-rays be taken.  Um, my husband is a dental X-ray Tech, he could have done the X-rays at no cost.  But instead, BM took K in and we got hit with a bill for $350 that BM "couldn't" pay her half of.  The bleeding gums that K recently had?  She has a loose tooth.  BM is demanding that K see a dentist to make sure that the tooth that's loose is supposed to come out.  Seriously?  

    The way my husband handles the billing issues now is he has his attorney draft a letter stating that my husband does not consent to any future treatment aside from required cleanings and therefore cannot be held responsible for any costs incurred without his consent.  The letter from the attorney is attached to a copy of the CO showing that DH has joint legal custody and the portion that states "both parents must consent to treatment" is highlighted.  When K goes in for her first appointment, he signs everything with the statement "This visit only" and writes the date.

    The other reason for not wanting BM to have the insurance info (which I had completely forgotten about): the first time she's not allowed to have DH billed for services, she'll try and switch dentists.  I forgot that she had done this previously with a pediatrician, my DH reminded me.  The way our dental insurance works is if we don't go to our specified dentist without prior consent from the insurance company, then nothing is covered.  

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  • dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member

    imagedbliesmer:
    I can completely agree with not giving her the cards.  SD is on my insurance for medical, vision, and dental.  We have never given BM a card.  If any appointments need to be made it is always us taking her.  If she is sick on the weekends she is there we try to work with the place over the phone.  Our BM is manipulative and lies a lot and I could see her using the card to get care for her other daughter.

    Usually the court does require that a medical card be provided to the other parent.  I think it's pretty sad that you don't give it to her.  What if the child needs to go to the ER or Urgent Care.

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  • AlohaloveAlohalove member
    I vote for no card.  Also, write a letter to the dentist saying that all procedures need to be authorized by your husband.  
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  • Lavender PLavender P member
    imageAlohalove:
    I vote for no card. nbsp;Also, write a letter to the dentist saying that all procedures need to be authorized by your husband. nbsp;

    Agree with all this. Everything is computerized now so th dentist office should put a flag or some sort of notice on K's file indicating above.
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