DH has stage fright? Performance anxiety?

Jarepaze · June 2013

I don't know how to say this more delicately than that. I know its normal for guys. Lord knows there have been times I've not really been "into it."
In our 4 years together, he's had performance issue a total of maybe 4 times. Last month when it would have counted was the first time in years. Tonight was the second time this WEEK. Also when it would have counted because I'm due to ovulate tomorrow. I'm hurt, frustrated, trying to be supportive when what I really want to do is cry. Is it me? Is it trying to get pregnant? Anyone had to deal with similar situations?

Milagros315 · June 2013

I'm sorry that you're feeling frustrated, but I wouldn't worry about it. It seems like this is a very common problem. I know it happened at least once to my H the first month we were TTC. The decision to start trying can be very overwhelming.

If you're concerned that your H might not be as ready as he thought, you should talk to him about it. If you think it's just the pressure that's getting to him, you could try not telling him when you're going to ovulate. Lots of women don't tell their H when it's their FW or when they get a positive OPK. As long as your H is totally on board with TTC, he doesn't need to know the details.

jschwind22 · June 2013

Are you telling him that it is your FW?

Jarepaze · June 2013

Thank you! That really helps a lot! He's been really on board and says he's excited. He's a teacher and covering for a maternity leave. The teacher came in with her baby and he sent me a pic of him holding her. His note with it read "I can't wait until I'm holding out baby"

Jarepaze · June 2013

I mentioned it at the beginning of the week, but haven't brought it up since. I honstly haven't made a big deal about FW.

MzBecky · June 2013

Don't mention anything about ovulation ever and give him a blow job.

RunCC37 · June 2013

Milagros315:
I'm sorry that you're feeling frustrated, but I wouldn't worry about it. It seems like this is a very common problem. I know it happened at least once to my H the first month we were TTC. The decision to start trying can be very overwhelming.

If you're concerned that your H might not be as ready as he thought, you should talk to him about it. If you think it's just the pressure that's getting to him, you could try not telling him when you're going to ovulate. Lots of women don't tell their H when it's their FW or when they get a positive OPK. As long as your H is totally on board with TTC, he doesn't need to know the details.

This exactly. The pressure of TTC gets to DH and me both from time to time. It's so frustrating and hard to let it go at the time. Rather than powering through when this happens, we will try again later. And I never tell him about the FW anymore even though it's obvious now that we are doing IUI's. But still, it helps him to perform. Even if I'm not in the mood, I just fake it so that it's not totally miserable.

kimcchem · June 2013

Totally agree with all of the ladies here. After several months of trying my DH started to have some performance issues as well. We talked about it and he let me know that it was starting to be more routine and a chore than fun. So I stopped telling him when my FW was and I spiced things up a bit...(new lingere worked for me lol) and things really have never been better!

rlyttle · June 2013

How often do you usually have sex? It could be a number of things that has nothing to o with you or an actual problem. I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe try again this morning or afternoon?

mathewsh · June 2013

We have been married for 8.5 yrs and DH has never had performance issues until we started trying, for him I think it's because we doing it a lot more than our normal. We are usually just 1x a week and during FW we are trying for ED. By day 3-4 I try and set the mood a little bit more and make it more about him. Just keep being supportive he is most likely just as frustrated as you!

Jarepaze · June 2013

Thank you all for your kind words and support. For us, as well as you all, it's been an interesting road that's taken longer than we had expected. The pressure, perceived and/or real, had gotten to us both. I'm going to keep info to myself and just try to keep things light and fun. Lingere and a bit more romance will help. Thank you!!!

becca1216 · June 2013

MzBecky:
Don't mention anything about ovulation ever and give him a blow job.

This. I have found that BJs during nonfertile days make DH forget about the TTC stuff. I'm pretty sure he once said to me,"Sex means you're horny. A BJ means you love me." Lol

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