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Blended Families
twister22
member
BD & Father's Day
twister22
member
For mobile bumpies: BD & Father's Day
Background: BD & I have a 4.5 yo DS. DH & I have an almost 6 mo DD, and BD & XG have a 2 yo DD. BD & XG are currently having a custody battle with their DD, and right now the TO gives BD EOWE, Friday at noon until Sunday at 5. BD's weekends with his kids line up. BD lives 20/30 minutes me, and XG lives 3 hrs away with their DD.
In BD's TO he wasn't given Father's Day, and it's not his weekend with his kids. In our CO he gets Father's Day from noon until 7:00 p.m. He doubts XG will work with him, and schedule-wise, it's unlikely to work out anyway. BD gets off work at 8 a.m. 6/16 (Father's Day) and then it would take him 30 min to come p/u DS, and then 3 hrs to drive down to DD. So he would arrive at 11:30 a.m. Then BD has to be into work at 8 p.m. 6/16, so he would have to leave 4:00 p.m. to drop DS off and to make it to work on time. So BD and DS would be in the car for 6 hours and only spend 4.5 hours with the three of them together.
So, I call BD to see what his plans are for Father's Day. When I asked him what he planned to do, he asked what day it was. I say June 16th. He asks what day of the week that is. Really? Father's Day is ALWAYS on a Sunday dude. He tells me how he gets off work at 8 a.m. and goes back into work at 8 p.m., so he doesn't think he'll be seeing his DD. I ask if he still plans to take DS. He says probably not, but can he see DS Monday 6/17 instead. I say that shouldn't be a problem, but to let me know his definite plans as soon as possible.
I'm awful and am actually happy that BD won't be taking DS for Father's Day. It means that DH, DS, DD, & I can enjoy the day together - we can get family pictures in the a.m., go to church, and then go over to my parents' to grill out.
Please don't flame me.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: BD & Father's Day
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
Because it affects my life and even more importantly DS's life, and that's where 99% of our BF drama comes from. The majority of the posts on this board are about the drama going on in the OPs BF life.
If BD wasn't going through a custody battle with his DD I guarantee he would be taking DS for Father's Day. This will be his 5th Father's Day and the first one he'll miss.
I will disagree. His custody battle has nothing to do with you. You are making it about you. He needs to figure out how to parent multiple children and his custody arrangement. You are being way to flexible and get too invested. You have to coparent with him over your child, not his other children.
While his custody battle has nothing to do with me, it does affect me and DS. And heck, if affects DH & DD and even my parents. My mom watches DS & DD while DH & I work, and the days that BD flakes it affects my mom.
BD does need to figure out how to parent multiple children by different BM's and his CO with XG, and I'm not telling him how to do that. But when he talks, I listen. Often times I will tell him something is TMI, and I don't need to know that. But other times I have gotten some VERY useful information. I wouldn't be surprised if BD & XG end up back together. And because of things BD has shared with me, I know how to better handle and approach certain situations.
I am too flexible with him, but I'm trying to put DS first. DS likes seeing his dad. Yes, BD needs to get his sh!t together and be consistent, but that's not happening yet, and I'm not going to let DS go months and months without seeing BD.
Coparenting with him over DS sometimes means being flexible with times so that DS can see his sister.
If I was a hard @ss and stuck to the CO starting now? Then, no, he wouldn't be able to get his sh!t together for several months. He would basically have to choose between his kids, and DS wouldn't get to see his sister. I'm sorry, but it's not the kids' fault that parents didn't stay together.
DS has stability. We have a great routine at our house. He has random visits with BD, and DS does fine with it.
I know I need to not be so flexible and accommodating to BD, but I'd rather be too flexible than not flexible enough, if ykwim.
Again, I'm not trying to be bitchy.
You're fine. I need to stop being so accommodating to him and he needs to be consistent for DS.
BD's life is a train wreck, and it's hard not to watch. It's awful, but true. And I don't want to share IRL and look crazy, so I share it here haha.