Fluck the Universe *warning: possible CP mentioned, mine*
LunaBug924
member
For mobile users, *warning: possible CP mentioned, mine*- also an apology, because this got long!
You guys, I feel so lost right now. Here's a little re-cap on me: It's been 9 months since our loss. It was our first pregnancy. I was almost 10 weeks, baby stopped developing around 6 weeks. It has always been my biggest fear not to have children of my own, and I saw this as the beginning of my nightmares coming true. Doctor says I am perfectly healthy, and it was bad luck. I was told to wait 3 cycles before TTCAL.
So for 6 months now, DH and I have been trying. And by trying, I mean trying EVERYTHING. Charting, OPKs, pre-seed, mucinex, you name it. I've even been seeing a therapist, quit my very stressful job, and then stopped charting for the last 2 months to "try to relax and let it happen on it's own." Well, last month my body played a cruel trick by gifting me with a 38 day cycle, as opposed to my normal 32. Yea, 6 days of BFNs, that was fun.
On to this month. I wasn't charting, but I did start with OPKs again. I got a very definite positive on CD 13. I usually don't O until CD 19, so DH and I just HIO for a week to be safe. After last month's ordeal, I promised myself I'd wait till CD 33 to start testing. Well, after seeing the massive wave of grads on CD 31, I broke down and tested on CD 32. BFN. Then I'm reading all these stories how the internet cheapie tests were making everyone go crossed-eyed looking for a faint line, so I went out and bought some FRERs just to have on hand.
So this brings me to yesterday. I went right for the FRER, and son-of-a-blitch, there it was. A line. A faint line, not a squinter. A flucking line. DH saw it too, but he was hesitant to call it a positive. I think AL brain is starting to affect him too. We agreed that we'd wait another day, test again, and if the line was still there, we'd go buy a digital to confirm. I spent all day in suspense, and I purposely stayed off the boards, which killed me! I just kept thinking, "this has to be it", and I could tell even DH was convincing himself that this was real. It didn't last long.
I started spotting around 10pm last night, and as of this morning, it's full CD1 flow. I ugly cried all night, and DH is just in disbelief. We are both so hurt, and so angry. I can accept the fact that it may take us longer than some people to get pregnant. I cannot accept that my body is flucking with me. I keep searching for an answer, a reason, even though I know there isn't one. It's just so unfair.
I'm sorry that got so long. But now I have a question. Do I call my doctor? What do I say? Does it even matter at this point? I'm just at such a loss, and am feeling so defeated right now.
Re: Fluck the Universe *warning: possible CP mentioned, mine*
I am so, so sorry. You do not deserve this type of mindfluck. Extra huge Friday hugs for you!
If I were you, I would call my doctor. It can't hurt. I know that for me, it helps to have someone listen.
2013: BFP #1 - M/C 3/13
2015: Dance break = got healthy
7/2016: IVF #5 = BFP!!!
married my best friend 10/04/08, TTC since July 2012
BFP#1 Thanksgiving 11/22/12, mo-mo twins(one sac), traditional EDD 7/27/13, EDD due to risk 6/15/13
mmc Angel 2/7/13 @ 15w3d, mmc Aubrey 2/13/13 @ 16w2d, D&E 2/16/13
BFP#2 9/21/13, EDD 6/2/14, DD born 5/17/14
All AL always welcome in my threads!
BFP on Mar. 4, 2013, DX with MMC (blighted ovum) at 8 weeks, D&C
TTC again as of May 2013
BFP on June 24, 2013, EED March 12, 2014
Diagnosed with endometriosis, PCOS, heterozygous MTHFR and positive for ANA
GROW BABY, GROW!
BFP #1 07/04/10. EDD 03/14/11. Missed m/c 08/09/10. D&C 09/27/10. }Casey & Jaimie{
TTA for 18 months and then TTC for 12 months
TTA for 7 months
Jan-Mar 2014 - RPL, SHG, karotyping: all results normal
TTC Again May 2014
Progesterone & baby aspirin combo for 5 cycles - All BFN's
SA with DNA fragmentation = Perfect results
Diagnostic cycle monitoring = Polycystic ovaries leading to premature egg release
TTA Oct 2014 - Jan 2015
Jan 2015 - Medicated cycle with timed intercourse
My Blog: The Canadian Housewife PGAL/PAL Welcome My Chart
***BFP 1-22-13, baby boy dx with Trisomy 13 at 15 weeks.
We let him go to Heaven on 4-27-13 at 17 weeks 1 day***
TTC since March 2012
BFP #1 1/29/13, EDD 10/9/13
BFP #3 8/11/14 EDD 4/22/14
I would tell your doc just so they have it on file in case if they needed to know for the future. And again ::hugs::
The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
Oh, Luna. I'm so, so sorry. I wish there were anything I could say to make it better.
As others have said, I'd probably call the dr. just so that it's on your medical records in case it becomes important in the future testing or something. Hopefully, though, it's another instance of terrible, bad luck, and your rainbow will be just around the corner.
Sending huge ((((squishy hugs))) to you this morning.
BFP #1 08/05/12. EDD 4/15/13 m/c 08/27/12
BFP #2 06/05/13. EDD 2/16/2014 (Team Blue). Baby Wombat born 2/20/2014 7lb. 11oz and 20 in.
Married August 2012. Me: 41 DH: 42
Daughter from previous marriage: 20
BFP 12/19/12: Ectopic discovered at 8 weeks, right tube removed 01/18/13
June 2013 Testing Results: Progesterone: 31.7, LH: 5, FSH: 5, Estradiol: 161
Clomid cycles Nov. 2013 and Jan, Feb, and March 2014
TTC journey over as of the end of October 2014
TTCAL BLOG
All ALers welcome!
**BFP#1 9/5/12 EDD 5/15/13 changed to 5/25/13 after u/s, missed mc 10/19/12. D and C 10/22/12**
BFP 4 10/28/19 EDD 7/6/20
Oh Luna, I am so sorry!
(((hugs)))
Like PP said, I would probably call the office and at least let them know that way it will be added to your history.
I'm so sorry. Sending big (((HUGS))) your way.
The wave of grads recently got me testing really early too.
DD born 2/3/03
BFP 3/21/13 w/ EDD 12/02/13, C/P 3/29/13.
BFP 9/18/13 w/ EDD 5/26/14,
Beta #1 @ 14-16dpo = 375, progesterone 33.6
Beta #2 @ 20-22 dpo = 8,782!
Beta #3 @ 27-29dpo = 44,230, dx subchorionic hemorrhage/ threatened mc
Beta #4 @ 29-31dpo = 72, 080
Grow, little one, grow!
***** All AL Welcome *****
I'd tell your doc just to get it in your records. Some docs and insurances require a set number of losses before testing.
BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11
BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14
My Recipe Blog
~All AL'ers welcome~
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
Diagnosed w/ endometriosis 12/2010 Laproscopic surgery & 6 months of Lupron
BFP 12/17/2011,EDD 8/23/12,ectopic discovered 12/29/11 at 6 weeks recieved methotrexate
Dec '12 HSG & ultrasound showed abnormalities & more endo. Laproscopic surgery in January '13 showed significant damage & scar tissue from Endo. IVF is our best shot to concieve our rainbow.
June '13 Decided to go the adoption route!
***PGAL/PAL WELCOME***
BFP #1, 3/12, EDD 11/9/12, MMC 3/27/12, D&C 4/10/12
BFP #2: 11/16/12, EDD 7/25/13, MMC 12/5/12, D&C 12/6/12, Complete molar pregnancy confirmed 2/9/13, benched for 6 months until August 2013
IUI #1, 8/16/13 Femara + Menopur, 3 mature follicles, BFN
IUI #3, 10/8/13 Femara + Menopur, six mature follicles, BFN
BFP #3, 12/9/2013, while on treatment break, EDD: 8/22/2014 Please stick and grow, LO!
Additional Dx: hypothyroidism, TgAb positive & anti-TPO positive, POR/DOR (2/2013), and suspected endometriosis
******All AL always welcome******
My Ovulation Chart Fruit
Oh Luna (((BIG HUGS))) I'm so sorry this happened. I agree and think you should call your doctor. I don't know if they will say anything but just to "have it on the books" more or less. I'm not sure your doctor will have much to say or be helpful at all but it's possible. I'm so so sorry it is an evil horrible joke. It's hard to keep hope and being positive when things like this happen.
THE DARK SIDE IT IS
and GBCB
BFP 8/2/12 EDD 4/9/13 Addie was delivered 1/4/13 at 26 weeks due to Eclampsia
BFP 9/15/14 EDD 5/28/15 Please be our R A I N B O W take home baby BOY
~All AL always welcome~
All of this, and so very many (((hugs)))!!! Snuggle your Beagle-pups close today hon.
July TTCAL Siggy Challenge - Favorite Children's Book
Surprise BFP 5/15/12, EDD 1/29/13, mm/c @ 8wks, discovered at 11wks, D&C 7/11/12
AF finally arrived on Christmas after 167 days of waiting.
TTA until January 2014
PGAL/PAL always welcome
This.
I am so, so sorry. This cycle has been especially hard on my DH too, so I know that seeing him like this is probably making this even harder on you. ((hugs))
BFP with #1 (twins!) 11/18/2011 - missed m/c at 8weeks3days; d&c 1/19/2012; myomectomy to remove 18cm+,10cm & 5cm fibroids 4/2012; TTC again 7/2012; BFP #2 (twins) 11/13/2012; missed m/c at 7weeks;
BFP #3: baby girl born 3/5/2014
Balaustine: an anthology about wanting family
Off BC, NTNP since June 2011
Started acupuncture/herbs July 2012
First BFP 9-8-2012,EDD 5-15-2013, heartbeat of 175 at 8w2d, mmc discovered on 10-26-12 (11w6d) Cytotec on 10/26/12
8/23/13 DX with non-IR PCOS
Second BFP 9.12.13, EDD 5.29.14, heartbeat of 114 at 6w1d, mmc discovered on 10-18-13, D&C on 10/23/13 (baby girl/Trisomy 10)
Third BFP (surprise at Beta draw after d&c) on 1/10/14 (15dpo), EDD 9.20.14 Please be our RAINBOW!
~Amanda
All are welcome in my posts
I'm so sorry, Luna. Big, big ((hugs)) to you and lots of love. Take it easy today...maybe call your dr. just to let them know what happened so it is in the records and they are aware.
BFP #1 ended in MMC. Discovered Oct 2005 @10w5d, baby stopped growing around 6w. D&C.
BFP#2 Nov 2005. Baby's heart stopped @ 8w3d. D&C Jan 2006. Trisomy 18
BFP#3 Nov 2006. My "miracle baby" DD born 7/25/07
BFP #4 11/6/12. EDD 7/16/13~my birthday! No sac found @ 5w1d, betas not increasing. Natural m/c started 11/20/12.
BFP#5 11/9/13. EDD 7/21/14 Our beautiful rainbow born on his due date!!
All of this. So sorry, it just sucks Luna
4 Losses (2003, 2008, Apr 2012, & Oct 2012)
All RPL and IF testing with multiple REs = normal
5 IUIs = BFN
All AL are welcome
BFP#1 9/5/12, MMC, MC confirmed 10/9/12,
D&C 12/12/12 BFP#2 7/30/13, EDD 4/12/14, DS born 4/14/14
All of this. I'm so sorry
I would definitely call and let your doctor know so it is part of your record. HUGS!
I am so so sorry Luna ((((HUGS))))
I agree with PPs, I think you should let your doc know, so at least it is in your records.
(((Luna)))
"It's, not, where you are, it's where you're going,
And it's, not, about the things you've done, it's what you're doing, now"
TTC Journey Began 8/12
BFP #1 11/9/12, MMC/D&C 12/21/12 @ 9w2d, EDD 7/24/13
SAs: 2%-3% Morph - RE Official Diagnosis Unexplained
BFN = IUI #1 (Clomid) | IUI #2 (Letrozole)
BFP #2 4/19/14 = IUI #3 (Letrozole)
Expecting Our Elf 12/27/14
~All Welcome~
TTC since April 2012
BFP #1, 10/03/2012 - EDD 6/15/2013 - MMC 11/15/2012 - D&C 01/04/2013
BFP #2, 04/06/2013 - EDD 12/17/2013 - MC 04/19/2013
6/12/2013 Diagnosed with Balanced Translocation (12 & 16)
IVF #1 with PGS: 10/2013: Canceled 9/27/2013 for issues with genetic lab
IVF #1.5 with PGS: 11/16/2013: Canceled. 11 eggs retrieved, 9 mature & 9 fertilized, all unhealthy embryos
IVF #2: 1/22/14: Canceled. 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 7 fertilized, all unhealthy embryos
IVF #3 with PGS: 5/10/2014: Switched to FET in July. 10 eggs retrieved, 9 mature, 8 fertilized, 2 healthy embryos!
FET #1: 7/31/2014: Transferred 2 nearly perfect (6AA, 6BA) healthy embryos- BFFN
Laproscopy: 10/2014: Healthy uterus
IVF #4: 12/8/2014: Canceled. 17 eggs retrieved, 15 mature, 10 fertilized, all unhealthy embryos
Everyone welcome on my posts
BFP#1 9/9/12 -- EDD 5/14/13 -- MMC 10/10/12 Miso 10/19/12
BFP #2 9/17/13 -- EDD 5/25/14-- CP confirmed 9/21/13
BFP #3 2/1/14 -- EDD 10/5/14 -- NMC 2/10/14
Dx: low progesterone & mild hypothyroidism
My Chart
~*~All AL Welcome~*~
My Ovulation Chart
BFP #1 3.16.12. mmc 5.7.12 at 11 weeks ~Avery Cameron~
BFP #2 12.12.12. mmc 1.22.13 at 10 weeks ~Theodore Michael~
D&C #2 Chromosome analysis results: Translocation Trisomy 14
My RPL Testing: Homozygous MTHFR, normal karyotype
DH's karyotype results: Robertsonian Translocation 13:14
BFP #3 9.10.13 mc at 4 weeks~Our little May Flower~
BFP #4 10.13.13- Our Rainbow Baby, a little girl, arrived June 25, 2014!
The world flucking sucks and that is just so unfair.
[[[[[[[[[[[Hugs]]]]]]]]]]]]]
I would call your Dr.
"As long as I live you will live. As long as I live you will be loved."
BFP#1 3/31/12 EDD 12/1/12,No HB 6/6/12 (14 weeks 4 days), D&C 6/11/12 (15 weeks 2 days)*Arabella Ann*
BFP#2 5/21/14 EDD 1/27/15 *GROW BABY GROW*
dream 1 CAME TRUE 2.13.2010
<dream 2> 12.2011
2.10.12 : 4 weeks
6.17.12 : 10 weeks
10.10.12 : 4 weeks, 6 days
12.13.12 : 9 weeks, 1 day
4.6.13 : 4 weeks, 4 days
10.27.13 : 5 weeks, 6 days
4.2.14 (IVF #1) : 4 weeks, 1 day
6.19.14 : IVF #2 Negative
</dream 2>
resolve.org
lyrics
***All always welcome!!***