- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Working Moms
SunAndRain
member
Options
DH and exercise
SunAndRain
member
in Working Moms
DH has gone from a triathlete (two time ironman finisher!) to a couch potato. He has gained a LOT of weight and is on medication for high cholesterol. He eats like crap.
FINALLY he joined a gym (again). This, after I finally convinced him to quit the last gym after he didn't use it for six months. Because he "wants to get back in shape"
I'm frustrated because he joins a gym like that is the silver bullet to getting him back in shape. then he asks me when he should go work out. I asked him two weeks ago what sort of schedule he envisioned to get to the gym, and encouraged him to sign up with a personal trainer.
He joins the gym, pays the money, then asks ME when I think he should go. Glad he really thought this through!
He doesn't sign up with the personal trainer. without one he won't stay motivated to go, nor will he get the most out of the time spent at the gym (I know him)
Then he suggests that he go on the ONLY evening that he looks after DD alone so that he can stick her in the available childcare. So after she spends all day in daycare he wants to stick her in childcare at the gym?
His lack of planning is really pissing me off. His lack of consideration for DD pisses me off. His expectation that I figure all this out for him and then doesn't follow my advice pisses me off. And what pisses me off the most is that I am sounding exactly like my mother!
I am trying to be encouraging. But this is rediculous.
How do the "good" wives handle these situations???
This discussion has been closed.
Re: DH and exercise
I completely understand your frustration...my DH gained about 40 lbs and was eating horribly, drinking 2 glasses of wine every single night and then snacking even more, and doing nothing for his health. We bought healthy food at the grocery store but he would stop on his way home, buy a bag of candy, and eat the entire thing during his commute - we are talking about roughly 1,000 calories in pure sugar consumed in 45 minutes. And he would eat cr@p for lunch at work.
All of the encouragement in the world from me could not get him to do a thing. WIth things like losing weight, going to the gym, quitting smoking, etc., the person just has to get to a point where they are ready to make a change and just do it. For my DH that moment suddenly came to him one day and I am not sure exactly what flipped the switch, but I know he had gotten pretty disgusted with himself. But he literally changed overnight, and then no matter what temptations were in front of him he never caved until he reached his goal.
So...my point is that you just have to be patient, quietly encourage him, and he will do it when he is ready. Now if you exercise too, you can try going to the gym together, planning active things for the family to do on the weekend, etc. That will help get him out and also probably help him realize he is in bad shape and needs to step it up.
I would be annoyed about him wanting to go to the gym the night he has DD but I would probably let it go just so he gets there. Once he seems determined about going, then suggest he switch things up because DD is at DC all day and in the evening. But I would feel like if I said no at this point, then it would be me stopping him from going and I would not want to be his excuse for not working out.
It is hard, I know. I had nearly run out of patience with DH and thought he would never change his habits when he suddenly did. So I am hopeful for you!
Honestly, my husband is a grown man and I try and treat him as such. If he really wants to exercise he'll figure out the when and hows of it. If he doesn't, then he had better have a really good life insurance policy.
In your situation, if he's asking you when you think he should go why don't you set up a schedule for him? And, maybe go one step further and set up actual appointments with a personal trainer? I'm assuming you're willing to have him gone for a little while some nights or on weekends.
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
This Cluttered Life
My DH has also gained way more baby weight than me, and constantly complains about it but does nothing to correct his diet or get more exercise...but like pp said, that is up to him. When he is ready to change, I am sure he can figure it out. I try to stay out of it for the most part. His mom gives him enough of a hard time about it that I don't feel like me adding to that would be productive, anyway.
He does like to say he will get up at 4am to work out, or suggest that we both work out while the kids are napping on the weekend. With our kids, the probability of both being asleep at the same time for a nap is approximately zero.... so when he says these things I will give him the side eye and tell him I know that is not going to work, and make an alternate suggestion (maybe we can all go for a walk to the park, or maybe you should work out after we put them to bed instead of drinking beer, lol). That is pretty much the extent of how much I am willing to inject myself into the situation, though.
Love this!! I'm six weeks preggo (siggy is off by a day or two). I'm signing up for a 10K in August to keep me in shape/motivated during these exhausting times.
As a former Iron Man competitor, he's totally capable of being in (awesome) shape. He probably (like me - a former marathon runner) thrives on goals. Without a goal, my tail is on the couch most nights.....
This will mean he'll have some long runs in the next few months. However, even if he's overweight, he can pull off a half in the next three our four months. There are tons of free training guides for half and full marathons on line. This is less expensive than a gym and he may be able to run from home or work, on his own time.
THanks for all the replies.
I did suggest to DH the nights he might find it most reasonable to go given our family schedule. For example, on Tuesdays I take DD to her swim class, so I suggested he go then since he doesn't show much interested in joining swim (yes, I'm a bit frustrated about that too but whatever. I LOVE swim class with her and I feel fortunate to get to spend that quality time with her)
I also suggested we both pick a 5K to train for. Because that should be TOTALLY doable for both of us. We can even take DD on our training runs. (OH, and may I mention that he complains about how he doesn't like running with our BOB jogging stroller?! Seriously? I get it isn't as fancy free as running solo but it makes running with a child POSSIBLE...why can't he appreciate that much?!). I've completed six half marathons but am struggling to get back in to running shape.
I understand that the motivation has to come from within him. It is precisely his lack of motivation that I find so frustrating! But I will TRY to be more patient.