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Intro :)

mlhopsonmlhopson
in Natural Birth
Hi all! I've been lurking, but thought I would drop in with an intro and a question.
I'm still a very early FTM, only at 15 weeks or so, but I've been planning a natural childbirth for over a year. I was with a close friend during her hospital/OB birth and watched everything spiral exactly as she had feared (Pit-->epi-->slow progress-->more pit-->baby in distress-->C-section)
I'm feeling very alienated when I discuss my birth plans and fears with my friends and family. Natural childbirth does not seem to be a popular way to go and I am constantly plagued by eye rolls, "good luck", and defensiveness about their own births. I've tried simply not discussing it, but the subject gets brought up anyway. Anyone have any suggestions for dealing with these attitudes in a polite and non-confrontational manner?
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Re: Intro :)

  • LokiLahveLokiLahve member
    I just started saying "I plan to have a healthy baby...we'll see how it goes"
    My neighbor actually saw a natural birth book I was reading and asked strait if I was planning to go natural. When I told her yes her reply was "oh well this is your first baby. I'm sure they'll have the epi ready when you need it" I wanted to punch her.
    I found the negative comments did not help my confidence at all so I truly avoid the convo with people unless I know they will be supportive. Some advice I got on here for the extra pushy people, ask them what THEY did...most people want to relate their own experience to yours anyway. This just takes the spotlight off you.
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  • ssmb_clarinetssmb_clarinet member
    I agree with PP...avoid the convo with un-supportive people. It will not help your confidence. You need to have full confidence in your body and know that you can do it, which you can! Just tell them you plan to do what your body decides to do. Or if someone asks, don't say anything at all. It's your body and no one has the right to tell you what is best, even if they think they do. Good luck! You will do great!
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  • natalie202natalie202 member
    Honestly, I found that most people who ask about this are really looking for an opening to talk about what they think and to share their experiences, rather than actually wanting to know what you're thinking. A noncommittal answer will generally get you through the conversation quickly and with less negativity. I liked "we're doing a lot of research into our options, but you never really know for sure how things will turn out do you?" No lie involved, gets the conversation to "their turn" and then you're done. Change topics and move on. If they do happen to be open to natural birth in their discussion of this, you can decide whether or not you want to talk to them more. Honestly, though, most women I know who are on the natural birth side of things don't walk up to other women and ask about these things as bluntly.
    "Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • mlhopsonmlhopson
    Thanks for the advice! I think it's a good idea to turn the conversation to the other person. That's probably where all the defensiveness comes from anyways! When I tell them what I'm doing, they automatically feel like they have to defend their own birth (which I'm completely not looking down on). I'll try turning the conversation next time.
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