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Irrational fear of the day: Baby Showers

BootsOrHeartsBootsOrHearts member
in Pregnant after a Loss

I know my MIL and mother will want to plan some kind of a shower for me at some point.

Problem is I'm scared that something will happen after that. Even getting to like 35 weeks is not a guarantee of anything. And then what if (God forbid) something happens - do you return all the gifts? Or worse, keep them and have all these reminders of your loss? The whole thing would be really dreadful.

Would it be weird to say I don't want a shower until after the baby is born and we're settled in? I know it's a party someone else throws for you, so I should let them do what they want, but afterwards I would feel so much safer.

Anyone else have similar thoughts/concerns?

**Warning: Losses and living child mentioned**
BFP#1 1/31/12, EDD 10/6/12 Harrison Gray born sleeping @ 18w6d. You changed our lives little guy.
BFP#2 EDD 10/29/13, C/P 2/25/13, Bye little Ish, we barely got to know you.
BFP#3 EDD 12/21/13, Baby Boots born 11/23/13 My rainbow baby!
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Re: Irrational fear of the day: Baby Showers

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    allureaallurea member
    I think being family, they would understand your concerns and worries and wouldn't have a problem accomdating that if that's what you wanted.  Besides which, it's not unsual to have a Meet the Baby party/shower instead, it adds a little something special imo.

    BFP #1 09/15/09, MMC 09/28/09
    BFP #2 06/04/12, EDD 02/09/13, MC at 6w3d on 06/18/12
    BFP #3 01/16/13, EDD 10/04/13, Born 09/17/13

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    KikiCohenKikiCohen member

    imageallurea:
    I think being family, they would understand your concerns and worries and wouldn't have a problem accomdating that if that's what you wanted.  Besides which, it's not unsual to have a Meet the Baby party/shower instead, it adds a little something special imo.

    I agree.  FWIW- my mom's shower was after I was born.  She even has a cute picture of me on their couch with all the outfits that she (I?) received as gifts all around me.

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    twotexanstwotexans member
    I don't think there is anything wrong with it. My friend offered to host a sipandsee shower after this little one gets here.

    TTC started Oct '10
    Me: AMA w/RSD, atypical PCOS w/IR, LPD and High Prolactin. Controlled HP post-loss.
    DH: Low-T and borderline morph
    18 cycles, 3 medicated w/RE to get to a BFP!
    EDD 9/7/12, Saw HB @7w3d,missed m/c 1/30 @8w3d, d&c 2/8
    11 AL cycles, 9 medicated/IUI cycles. All BFFN!
    Moving forward with IVF
    BFP#2 our little cycle break surprise on AL cycle 12! EDD 10/27/13
    Beta #1: 41 Beta #2: 398; perfect u/s 3/11 hb @133bpm
    u/s 3/25 one perfect hb @183 bpm, adjusted EDD 10/23/13
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    ShhItsASecretShhItsASecret member
    I think it's fine to hold off until after baby arrives.

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    katharine25katharine25 member

    There's certainly nothing wrong with it. In Jewish culture, it's considered bad luck to have anything baby related in the house until after the child is born. DH makes me keep anything I buy (which really isn't a whole lot at this point) in the garage.

    I will say that if there's a need to travel for a shower or the like, it may just be easier to do it before the baby comes. And you'll still need to gets the bare necessities like clothes, diapers, a car seat and a place for the kid to sleep before s/he arrives. You may also just feel different about the whole thing as you get further along... I made the decision a few weeks ago to have my small family shower that's 5 hours away as late as possible (around 36w) but I regret it a bit because now I'm torn about what I will and won't need to buy, and if I'll have the essentials in time.

    Married My Love on 6/18/2006
    BFP#1 10/1/2011. Our perfect little girl, Her heart stopped @ 12w1d. D&E 11/23/11
    BFP#2 3/13/12 Weird CP/Possible EP @ 6w0d
    BFP#3 5/28/12 CP @ 5w0d
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    OmaCoOmaCo member
    I don't think there's anything wrong with it being after at all. That said as a fellow Dec 13 mom, my big concern would be constantly passing my baby around right at the peak of cold and flu season. I'm not a germophobe by any means, I'd just rather my baby's immune system not get tested by 20 people all over a couple hours.
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    BFP#1 05/08/12 - EDD 01/03/13 - MC 05/23/12 8w6d
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    BootsOrHeartsBootsOrHearts member
    Thank you ladies! This helps a lot. I'll talk to them about doing a post-baby arrival deal. We'll still have to buy some essentials before hand but that's fine, people like buying the cute outfits and stuffed animals and all that stuff anyway, that's more fun than nipple leak pads (I don't even know what you call those things) and whatnot.
    **Warning: Losses and living child mentioned**
    BFP#1 1/31/12, EDD 10/6/12 Harrison Gray born sleeping @ 18w6d. You changed our lives little guy.
    BFP#2 EDD 10/29/13, C/P 2/25/13, Bye little Ish, we barely got to know you.
    BFP#3 EDD 12/21/13, Baby Boots born 11/23/13 My rainbow baby!
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    Gatorsgirl731Gatorsgirl731 member

    First, I think it is a completely rational fear to have.  I would get freaked just going into the baby section at target.  My mom actually walked with me hand in hand looking at all the things I would need and want.  It was then that she finally realized what it would mean to have to return anything.

    A meet and greet or sip and see is a great idea.  And people really want to see the baby anyway.  As one PP's said cold and flu season is worrisome.  I went to a little meet the baby GTG and I was asked to wash my hands when I got there and before I held the baby.  I wasn't put off by it and will ask the same of people visiting this LO.  As with most things there is a nice way to do it.



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    lisafish1179lisafish1179 member
    I had this conversation with my mom last week. She was understanding. She said she hopes I change my mind but shes okay with throwing a congratulations party instead of a shower. Talk to them. Hugs!
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    km_mdkm_md member
    Just wanted to give you (((hugs))) boots


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    halfthetree halfthetree member
    No I had a shower after my first was about 3 weeks old. It was lovely, I put a timer on so no one could hog the baby, and I could steal him to nurse every hour. I would say I liked that way more than I would have having one prior to his birth
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    Junebug060609Junebug060609 member
    Lurking

    You could do a welcome baby party if you want. Or you could do a shower before baby and leave as much unopened as possible. You'll want some basics ready as you get in the home stretch [somewhere for kid to sleep, something to cover its butt with, food for its belly and supplies to get it in there...including bf stuff, a car seat, maybe a swing, some clothes to name a few things]but a lot of it can wait until kid is here.

    Word of advice: Leave tags on the clothes as long as possible. You won't know what size you'll need until kid is here and you'll likely find yourself favoring one type of outfit [ahem, sleepers] and not even using others [baby; socks are ridiculous].

    Plus tiny ones grow so damn fast...

    BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11

    BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14

     

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    Fitnessteach2010Fitnessteach2010 member
    I refused a shower. It was just not for me. I asked people to respect my feelings and they did. It was just a personal choice.
    m/c #1 6/30/05 m/c #2 9/18/06 m/c #3 9/18/08 BFP 10/21/12....EDD 7/6/13....Praying this is my sticky baby. Code snippet: HTML, Used for websites, email and some forums. Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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    babystolibabystoli member

    I completely understand your fear. I refused to talk about it for quite a while!  But then I realized it gave my sister something to focus on, instead of asking me a ton of other questions I didn't want to talk about.  I didn't relax until after my follow-up level II ultrasound at 24 weeks. And FINALLY feel more excited than afraid at 32 weeks (although the nagging "anything can happen" thought is definitely still lingering). My shower is next weekend, at 33 weeks, 5+ hours away.   Hopefully the car ride won't be too horrendous.



    TTC since Feb 2012. Me: 39, DH: 37
    BFP #1 5/27/12- m/c 7/9/12 @ 10w2d (cytotec induced @11w).
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    killian09killian09 member
    What if you wait until later in your pregnancy and see how you feel about it?  My shower wasn't planned until I was about 25 weeks pregnant and took place when I was 35.5 weeks.  We kept it pretty small and co-ed and relaxed.  There are never guarantees in life, but it felt right to celebrate our baby at that moment with those people.  
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