My twins are 5 weeks old. One seems to be a lot more demanding and higher maintenance than the other - she cries if you put her down awake and so we usually end up holding her or wearing her around the house in a carrier almost all day. Otherwise, she won't nap. The other twin goes down easily in her RNP and usually doesn't mind just sitting in it, awake, sucking a pacifier. She is also quite a bit smaller than her more demanding sister.
I'm worried that my smaller twin is getting slighted and will end up not having as close a bond with me and not develop as quickly because she spends all her time in the stupid RNP. I'm also worried that this is the reason she isn't gaining weight as fast as her sister (she's gaining about an ounce a day but the fussier twin eats constantly and is gaining about 2 ounces/day).
Does anyone else have multiples with similar personalities? Am I worrying for nothing? Any tips for being hands on with them at the same time at this young an age? I'm getting teary looking at my daughter, awake in her stupid RNP, sucking away on a pacifier while I'm wearing her sister.
My husband does help a lot but he works, and we take turns napping when we're both home and can get both girls soothed.
Re: How do I give them equal attention?
Yup, that sounds just like how my DS (fussier twin) and DD (easygoing twin) were at that age. Don't worry, it evens out over time. DS now has his easygoing moments, and DD has her fussy moments.
That's not to say that I don't ever feel guilty. I think that comes with the territory of twin parenting, unfortunately! Whenever I have a day where I'm giving more attention to one baby and feeling guilty about it, I try to remind myself that the previous day was spent mostly tending to the other twin.
Same here!
You don't, and it's okay. I have one who will scream bloody murder just because she can -- thankfully, the other is of a much more chill temperament. I snuggle the chill baby as often as I can -- and I actually exclusively feed her overnight (she doesn't fight during feedings, so I can simultaneously pump and feed her -- DD1, not so much. DH can handle her. )
There's no "answer" to all of this -- you do what works. They'll turn out okay, I promise.
My boys seem to go through phases of who is fussier and needier. I will feel like I am giving more attention to one of the boys, then after a few weeks it will seem like I am giving more attention to the other one.
You sound like you are doing a great job! The first few months are tough!
Basically, your children will have different amounts of need at different stages of their lives. You are doing the right thing by giving the attention where it is needed! Hang in there the early days are hard.
Thank you all so much for your encouragement, I do feel better. And my "chilled out" twin kept me up until after 2 AM last night, so I guess she has her needy moments too. :]
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It's impossible. It's natural to want to do everything equally but it's just not possible and you only make yourself crazy trying to even things out, especially at that age where there is no reasoning with them. They both will be needy in their own ways and you'll give them the attention they need.
I used to joke I was worried DS would go to preschool and draw pics of mommy holding his sister in one hand and her coffee in the other because she was so needy and he was more chilled out. At 2.5 he's more content to play and she's always talking to me and wanting my attention. But even though he needed me less in the early days, I am no less bonded to him than I am his sister.
The early days are so so hard but it does pass. Good luck!