Blended Families
Lavender P
member
BM has some nerve
Lavender P
member
BM texted my DH earlier this week asking if she could have SS to take him to a sleepover party at her friend's house. Her friend has a son a few years uounger than SS, and they are having a party the same day as our DS's first birtday. SS hasn't been to our house in a month because she refused to switch weekends with us when we had a trip planned just for DH and I. Fine. That is her prerogative. Side note, we did pick him up during the week a few times so we could see him, even if its just for a meal. Second, she knows it is our DS's first birthday so we are having a big party. SS has been talking about how excited he is because we made sure to invite a bunch of his friends, their parents are our friends as well, so he would have fun too. Anyway, DH tells BM that we have family coming in from out of town and they all want to see SS too. Plus, we are just not willing to give up a day with him since it's been forever and would mess with our plans. BM tells SS that his dad is selfish and doesn't want him to have fun with her. When DH called SS, he cried on the phone saying he wasn't going to get to go to his best friend's house,BM's friend's kid. After DH asked him a few questions we figured out that the last time SS played with his 'best friend' was a year ago. Not because they couldn't but because they aren't even really friends, but BM has all the sudden convinced him they are best friends ro make him feel bad for missing it. Last night BM texts DH and says that SS's sister is sick and what do we want to do about it. As in, do we still want SS for the weekend. I don't believe for a minute that SS's sister is sick, and even if she was that has nothing to do with plus seeing SS. She just wants us to say that SS doesn't have to come over, even though we have never turned down a weekend with him because he is sick. She even sent him to our house with strep throat and fifths disease when I was pregnant and didn't even bother to tell us. We would've kept our weekend with SS had we known, but I would've been a lot more careful about hugging and kissing him. It is so frustrating that she is doing anything she can to get SS to go to her friend's party instead of our DS, SS's brother's, birthday. There is no real point to this point, but I did just want to get it off my chest so when I see her at pick up I can be cordial, despite the fact that I think she is a shady b!tch.
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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Re: BM has some nerve
Totally shady, and poor SS. Exh here also uses the "best friend" thing whenever he meets someone new with children and he hangs out with grown ups and the kids play together. When I ask DDs what their best friend's name is they have not once been able to tell me and now that they are older look at me like I am nuts - I know their BFFs. The girls don't even realize that they will say "I am sad to come home because I won't get to see my BFF". It's like it gets planted in their heads, and not until I say "What is your BFF's name" and I let them know they JUST said they are sad they won't get to play with their BFF...that they realize. Then we have a nice healthy discussion about how some people we know well are friends and some people we see once and never again are more acquaintances, and it's OK to be sad to not be having fun at the moment.
It kills me that these people don't see the damage they are doing to the kids - outside of the immediate emotional damage - the perceptions about people and relationships. Why do they devlaue those that are important (family)? BM tells skids that DH's family do not count, do not care about them, etc. She is estranged from her own family. Super insane.
You made a good point about talking to SS about relationships. He is 10 but pretty much believes everything his mom plants in his head so it might be helpful to just briefly discuss the difference between acquaintances and best friends. She also does the 'your dad's family isn't your real family' crap. It is so frustrating but we keep trying to show him how much a part of us he is and how important to our family. It's all we can really do.