New here, and a little lost
Ya Never Know
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Hi, I'm new to this board. I'm a working mom with a 15 month old daughter. I've only been back in the work force for a few months, and I've been having a difficult time. It's been slowly getting better than it was the first few weeks (putting DD in daycare was brutal, I cried every day for a week straight!!), but I still feel lost.
When I was pregnant with DD, I lost my job just before she was born. I was fortunate enough to be able to get leave benefits because of the timing, and the whole having a new baby thing kind of overshadowed my feelings about job loss so I was able to not think about it for the year that I was home with DD. Once my leave was up though, I went back in to the workforce in a short term contract, and I really had a hard time getting back in to it. When that contract ended, it took me a month to find another job, and now I'm on yet another contract (that could lead to a permanent position, hopefully) working from home as an e-learning developer.
While I'm employed and that is a great thing, I'm lost. I'm not feeling the same way about what I do that I did before I went on leave. I'm a graphic designer, and my industry is always so wishy washy anyway, I'd consider a career change if I could afford an education for a new career, but honestly, I have no idea what I would do with myself other than this. The job that I'm doing right now is okay, but not exactly what I want to do. Also, it's not busy enough. As much as working from home has been great, I think I miss the dynamics of being in an office, but this setup is just so much easier on us. At the end of the day, I think that I have no idea what I want.
I don't really know what I'm trying to say here, other than that I just feel like I'm kind of having some sort of working/life/identity crisis. It's hard to figure out who I am and what I want to do now that life has changed so much.
It's only been a short period of time that I've been back to work, and maybe the key is just giving things time and they will all sort out, but it's just hard not to feel so lost and confused. I guess I need to stop expecting things to look like what I think they're going to look like, but I feel like I'm getting older and I'd really like to be able to settle in to something. I don't know if this current job is going to go anywhere, since I don't even have enough work from them as it is, and job searching/interviews are exhausting.
Sorry this is so long. It's just something that's been on my mind for a while, and I know I can't be the only person who feels this way, right? Or maybe I'm nuts. 
Re: New here, and a little lost
I think going back to work is hard, and it takes a while to get in the swing of things whether you're going back to the job you've had for years or starting fresh. You're in a position where you have had to be looking for work with the various contracts, but it seems (to me - who hasn't been in your shoes) like it might be too early to stress over finding that perfect job until you know what it is you want.
Can you start a list of what you know you want or don't want in a job? Home vs. office, hours, goals of things to look for? Then separately put that aside when you're working and just try to get back into the routine of working during the day, without actually doing the job searching for at least a short while? A job search is a huge undertaking, and maybe more than you can handle while you're still getting used to the job you have (that may or may not go anywhere).
I guess the biggest thing that is making things even more difficult is that I felt that I had the perfect job before I lost it when I went on leave. So I guess to that end, I know what I want in a job, but it took me a long time to find that one, and it will probably take me a long time to find something even remotely close to that. I think I'm still really bummed that I didn't get to keep that job either (freakin' cut backs). I think you're right though, I'm not really giving this new job much of a chance if I'm already searching for something else, so I guess I should just cool it, and just give things time. If this job gets busier, maybe I'll end up liking it more.