Updated: Bummed. WWYD? Re: back to RE (long)

OceanBreeze1 · May 2013

Updated: I called, but it's a no go. They don't have my chart yet, for one, because it's in storage. Plus they said even if I came in for CD3 b/w tomorrow my doctor wouldn't be available until Thursday, and even if I switched doctors (which requires approval from them) then it would still put me at CD 5, 6 or 7 by the time I could see someone next week.

The nurse said she'd try to snag my chart and talk to the other nurses to see if there's anything to do, but doesn't look like it. Thanks, though, for all your suggestions!!!

For mobile: WWYD? Re: Back to RE (long)

Backstory: DH has been slowly deteriorating physically, becoming sore all the time and having a hard time moving. In December he started getting really bad and we figured out it must be arthritis. He's 35 (I'm 34).

Yesterday he has his first appointment with the rheumatologist, and the doctor determined he has rheumatoid arthritis and suggested we treat it aggressively -- mainly because DH is so young, so treating it aggressively would stop the deterioration of his joints and *hopefully* lead to a remission at some point.

While explaining the medication for treatment, the doctor's question: "Are you guys done having kids?" Um, no, we're trying right now actually.

He said you have to be off the meds for 3 months before trying. He suggested starting the meds immediately and putting TTC on hold for at least 6 months (which would actually be at least 9).

He left and I told DH that we could just schedule an appt ASAP back at the RE, try IUI for two months then put on hold. So DH brought it up with the doctor, asking if we could put it off for just a bit. He wasn't fond of that, but then we mentioned we'd had trouble before so we'd just go to the RE and it wouldn't be like we'd be trying for a while, and he said it was up to us.

Well, yesterday was CD1 so I called the RE and asked if we'd be able at all to start this cycle. Of course not. I teared up, but got an appointment in a few weeks so we won't be able to do IUI til next cycle. DH said that's fine, and said we should try 3 IUIs before putting things on hold and starting the meds. But that's at least 4 months.

In the meantime, DH will have a steroid to help him with the pain when needed, but I feel terrible.

Am I being selfish for not wanting to put TTC on hold for 9 months? I'd rather not have that big of a gap between kids (DD is almost 28 months) and I'd like to get through the baby stage sooner, if that makes any sense. FWIW, our first IUI and our current RE (with injects) was successful. Our Dx was MFI (poor morph, great other #'s) -- but I think our real problem is I have weak ovulation.

Thoughts? Sorry so long, but no one else will quite get why I'm so bummed. Because I was also stupidly hoping for a BFP w/o the RE. Oh, well. Less worry with the RE, right?!

TJ1979 · May 2013

I am so sorry you are going through this. This must be very hard on YH physically, and on you emotionally. I don't have any advice. I don't think anyone can really tell you what to do in this situation. But I'll be sending lots of good T&P your way, and hope that you and YH can come to a decision that you both agree on. And maybe you'll get super lucky and get KU this month while you're waiting to see the RE!

firewife9278 · May 2013

You're not being selfish if DH is on board

Do everything you CAN do this cycle without the RE. You never know what might happen.

I'm here for you! xo

OceanBreeze1 · May 2013

TJ1979:
I am so sorry you are going through this. This must be very hard on YH physically, and on you emotionally. I don't have any advice. I don't think anyone can really tell you what to do in this situation. But I'll be sending lots of good T&P your way, and hope that you and YH can come to a decision that you both agree on. And maybe you'll get super lucky and get KU this month while you're waiting to see the RE!

Thank you so much!

Just when I was getting excited that my body may be starting to do what it's supposed to...so maybe this could be the month, lol. Sigh.

mrskitton · May 2013

IMO, it depends on what you guys think is more important? Having a baby or getting DH healthy (so to speak.) I understand to a point where you are coming from. DH and I had to put off IVF for a few months until I got complete clearance and a colonoscopy from my oncologist. DH was worried for my life if the IVF drugs would perhaps contribute to a relapse in my cancer. We were lucky and so far (knock on wood) everything has been good for us. I don't regret getting completely checked out before starting anything.

OceanBreeze1 · May 2013

firewife9278:
You're not being selfish if DH is on board

Do everything you CAN do this cycle without the RE. You never know what might happen.

I'm here for you! xo

THANK YOU!!! Yep, going to refill the Met in a few, actually. And I will try my darndest to take it every day, despite the s/e, lol. Cross your fingers for me!

firewife9278 · May 2013

OceanBreeze1:
firewife9278:

You're not being selfish if DH is on board

Do everything you CAN do this cycle without the RE. You never know what might happen.

I'm here for you! xo

THANK YOU!!! Yep, going to refill the Met in a few, actually. And I will try my darndest to take it every day, despite the s/e, lol. Cross your fingers for me!

Will the RE store sperm for you? Because maybe you could do that now/next cycle and then DH could start his meds right away and you could still do your IUIs ??

ccam · May 2013

I don't think you're being selfish. If YH is completely on board and the doctor seems open to it, I would go for it, too.

OceanBreeze1 · May 2013

mrskitton:
IMO, it depends on what you guys think is more important? Having a baby or getting DH healthy (so to speak.) I understand to a point where you are coming from. DH and I had to put off IVF for a few months until I got complete clearance and a colonoscopy from my oncologist. DH was worried for my life if the IVF drugs would perhaps contribute to a relapse in my cancer. We were lucky and so far (knock on wood) everything has been good for us. I don't regret getting completely checked out before starting anything.

See, that's the thing -- if it were vital that he start the meds immediately, I wouldn't question. We'd like to start it ASAP so DH is out of pain and to stop any further deterioration, but DH said he's been in pain for so long, what's a couple more months.

Ideally, I'd be happy with cycling this month and putting things on hold. I guess we could always reevaluate after the month and see if we want to wait. I think maybe we could try one IUI and move on...I don't want DH to be the martyr.

Thanks for your thoughts!

ccam · May 2013

firewife9278:
OceanBreeze1:
firewife9278:

You're not being selfish if DH is on board

Do everything you CAN do this cycle without the RE. You never know what might happen.

I'm here for you! xo

THANK YOU!!! Yep, going to refill the Met in a few, actually. And I will try my darndest to take it every day, despite the s/e, lol. Cross your fingers for me!

Will the RE store sperm for you? Because maybe you could do that now/next cycle and then DH could start his meds right away and you could still do your IUIs ??

That's an even better idea!

OceanBreeze1 · May 2013

Ducky719:
Did you try explaining to your RE why you wanted to start this month? Maybe they will squeeze you in.

I agree with PP - you aren't being selfish if YH is on board. If he was iffy, or wanted to get on his meds right away, then that is a different story.

(((Huggies))) for you, OceanBreeze!

I did, to the nurse, but I don't think she really understood. But my RE is only taking appts for consults on Thursdays, so tomorrow would be my CD3 b/w...do you think I should call back? What would I say? Do I *need* a consult before b/w???

OceanBreeze1 · May 2013

firewife9278:

Will the RE store sperm for you? Because maybe you could do that now/next cycle and then DH could start his meds right away and you could still do your IUIs ??

Not sure? Do you know how that changes success rates? Hmm, good idea, though! I'll have to look into it. Thanks!

OceanBreeze1 · May 2013

ccam:
I don't think you're being selfish. If YH is completely on board and the doctor seems open to it, I would go for it, too.

Thank you! Just a little worried DH is sacrificing himself for me, kwim?

firewife9278 · May 2013

OceanBreeze1:
Ducky719:

Did you try explaining to your RE why you wanted to start this month? Maybe they will squeeze you in.

I agree with PP - you aren't being selfish if YH is on board. If he was iffy, or wanted to get on his meds right away, then that is a different story.

(((Huggies))) for you, OceanBreeze!

I did, to the nurse, but I don't think she really understood. But my RE is only taking appts for consults on Thursdays, so tomorrow would be my CD3 b/w...do you think I should call back? What would I say? Do I *need* a consult before b/w???

You're an established patient - why do you need another consult?? Call to set up CD3 b/w

OceanBreeze1 · May 2013

firewife9278:
OceanBreeze1:
Ducky719:

Did you try explaining to your RE why you wanted to start this month? Maybe they will squeeze you in.

I agree with PP - you aren't being selfish if YH is on board. If he was iffy, or wanted to get on his meds right away, then that is a different story.

(((Huggies))) for you, OceanBreeze!

I did, to the nurse, but I don't think she really understood. But my RE is only taking appts for consults on Thursdays, so tomorrow would be my CD3 b/w...do you think I should call back? What would I say? Do I *need* a consult before b/w???

You're an established patient - why do you need another consult?? Call to set up CD3 b/w

Because it's been 3 years?! You think? I don't know what to say to get them to agree, lol...

firewife9278 · May 2013

OceanBreeze1:
firewife9278:

Will the RE store sperm for you? Because maybe you could do that now/next cycle and then DH could start his meds right away and you could still do your IUIs ??

Not sure? Do you know how that changes success rates? Hmm, good idea, though! I'll have to look into it. Thanks!

I'm not sure about success rates, but definitely look into it! It can't hurt to at least have the info.

TJ1979 · May 2013

OceanBreeze1:
firewife9278:

Will the RE store sperm for you? Because maybe you could do that now/next cycle and then DH could start his meds right away and you could still do your IUIs ??
Not sure? Do you know how that changes success rates? Hmm, good idea, though! I'll have to look into it. Thanks!

I don't think it changes the success rates. We were going to freeze some bc MH was traveling so much we were afraid he was going to miss my O dates. We ended up not needing to do so, but just so you are aware it might be pricey. Just another thing to consider.

firewife9278 · May 2013

OceanBreeze1:
firewife9278:
OceanBreeze1:
Ducky719:

Did you try explaining to your RE why you wanted to start this month? Maybe they will squeeze you in.

I agree with PP - you aren't being selfish if YH is on board. If he was iffy, or wanted to get on his meds right away, then that is a different story.

(((Huggies))) for you, OceanBreeze!

I did, to the nurse, but I don't think she really understood. But my RE is only taking appts for consults on Thursdays, so tomorrow would be my CD3 b/w...do you think I should call back? What would I say? Do I *need* a consult before b/w???

You're an established patient - why do you need another consult?? Call to set up CD3 b/w

Because it's been 3 years?! You think? I don't know what to say to get them to agree, lol...

I don't believe you. 3 years?! Time goes too fast.

Can one of the other doctors fit you in sooner? You saw Dr J, right? What about Dr H? I liked her...

OceanBreeze1 · May 2013

Ducky719:
OceanBreeze1:
Ducky719:

Did you try explaining to your RE why you wanted to start this month? Maybe they will squeeze you in.

I agree with PP - you aren't being selfish if YH is on board. If he was iffy, or wanted to get on his meds right away, then that is a different story.

(((Huggies))) for you, OceanBreeze!

I did, to the nurse, but I don't think she really understood. But my RE is only taking appts for consults on Thursdays, so tomorrow would be my CD3 b/w...do you think I should call back? What would I say? Do I *need* a consult before b/w???

I would call back and ask again! Worse thing they could say is no. I'm a pushy person when I need to be, and honestly, this would be a "need to be" situation IMO. And I would ask if you needed a consult or if you could do the b/w and then do the consult after the fact? You've been there before, it's not like you don't have any idea of what you are doing.

Good point.

I think I will call in a bit. Can I just be all like, "I want an IUI with injects, and I'm on CD2 so I'm gonna need b/w tomorrow" lol?!

Thanks, ladies!

OceanBreeze1 · May 2013

firewife9278:

I don't believe you. 3 years?! Time goes too fast.

Can one of the other doctors fit you in sooner? You saw Dr J, right? What about Dr H? I liked her...

Yep, my successful cycle was 4/24/10, lol!

I did see Dr. J...I guess I could ask if they could squeeze me in with her...but what if she has different treatment ideas, etc? I just think too much...I'll call and see.

Saraevh · May 2013

I didn't read everyone's comments (sorry) but I say if your husband is cool with it, I'd start getting serious about TTC right away. Once you are pregnant (which will hopefully be soon) he can get started on his medication. I wouldn't want to put off TTC for another 9 months but maybe that's because I'm crazy and want my family completed as fast as possible?!

Bummer about not being able to get in this cycle. I'd try to call and explain my situation to see if they could squeeze me in.

pb_bride · May 2013

I'm sorry you and YH are going through this. Tough decisions one way or the other! GL with the RE and hope they can squeeze you in this cycle!

OceanBreeze1 · May 2013

Saraevh:
I didn't read everyone's comments (sorry) but I say if your husband is cool with it, I'd start getting serious about TTC right away. Once you are pregnant (which will hopefully be soon) he can get started on his medication. I wouldn't want to put off TTC for another 9 months but maybe that's because I'm crazy and want my family completed as fast as possible?!
Bummer about not being able to get in this cycle. I'd try to call and explain my situation to see if they could squeeze me in.

Thanks! I called, but they won't be able to squeeze me in. Fx for a surprise while we're waiting, lol.

Mrs.AmyDylan · May 2013

mg0202:
There is no right or wrong answer it is a tough situation. I like PP idea if storing the sperm. Good luck with what you decide.

I would store some sperm regardless. The cost would be worth him not being in pain for three months down the line if he has to come off the meds so you can try again. Fwiw, I think donor sperm is all frozen. It's not like they have a room full of guys waiting to donate fresh on demand!

mdiblasi10 · May 2013

I am sorry you are faced with this dilemma. If it were me and DH was on board like yours, I would try to get going with the RE right away too. Hopefully the RE can get you in for this cycle. I hope your husband starts to feel better soon!

wordslikeswords · May 2013

If it's what your DH wants, I'd go for it now. I was in a similar situation. I have a progressive kidney disease and all the medications are really not OK for TTCing. I knew there was a time limit for us on TTC because at some point I would be too ill to carry a baby, so I told my husband we could just put treatment on hold and go for the baby. Every single day I tell myself how glad I am I made the right choice, even though my kidneys did get a little worse.

Just having come from a similar place, I wouldn't hesitate. I'd make the same decision again right now even knowing what I know about my kidney failure at the end of the pregnancy. I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this though and I wish you the best of luck!

imoverit · May 2013

What a dilema. Sorry you have to go through this. GL on whatever you decide. Hugs.

browneyedgrl4282 · June 2013

I was also going to suggest freezing a few samples of sperm from him. I know a few ladies who have done this and they had success!

LnR70707 · June 2013

I am sorry you are going through this. DH's best friend and his wife have been battling RA for years (her, not him) and just put TTC on hold indefinitely for the 3rd time because she injured her knee (just crappy luck). They don't have an IF diagnosis but because of the RA their window of trying is very small before she is in too much pain and has to return to the meds.

I would definitely look into sperm banking....possibly even sending the poor guy in a few times over the next month while you wait for your testing....that way you are set for IUI or IVF whether or not he is on the meds. GL!

OceanBreeze1 · June 2013

LR70707:
I am sorry you are going through this.nbsp; DH's best friend and his wife have been battling RA for years her, not him and just put TTC on hold indefinitely for the 3rd time because she injured her knee just crappy luck.nbsp; They don't have an IF diagnosis but because of the RA their window of trying is very small before she is in too much pain and has to return to the meds.nbsp;nbsp; I would definitely look into sperm banking....possibly even sending the poor guy in a few times over the next month while you wait for your testing....that way you are set for IUI or IVF whether or not he is on the meds.nbsp;nbsp; GL!

Thank you! I feel bad for your friend, this RA stuff is pretty crappy.

But DH and I talked about freezing samples, so I will talk to the RE this week and hope we can do that if it's not too expensive. Thanks again!

Updated: Bummed. WWYD? Re: back to RE (long)

Re: Updated: Bummed. WWYD? Re: back to RE (long)

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