Possibly becoming a single mom....opinions needed!!!

salsamommy · May 2013

Well I was planning on telling DH on Father's Day with a nice little surprise about LO ... but on Saturday DH and I were having an argument over him playing poker at a friends place after the UFC match until 1:30 AM ... I was EXHAUSTED, nauseous, hormonal, and my mom was watching DS which she wasn't expecting us to be that late ... We had all been out all day together and everyone was tired.... So after he threw his wedding ring at me, which hit me in the thigh ... I blurted out that I was pregnant in the heat of the argument ... and his reaction and comments followed in the following order:

1. I don't believe you ...

2. If you are pregnant, it's not mine ...

3. If it is mine, Shall we get rid of it?

I'm in complete shock ... and wish I hadn't said anything to him and just told him to leave and that be it ...

He now wants to try and make things work between us, but I've lost a lot of respect for him ... he works away a lot, so I raised DS pretty much on my own ... and I told him right then and there ... "I raised DS on my own ... I can raise this one too!"

I've just had enough of him ... it's always argument after argument ... and he's to the point where he annoys me!! Maybe the hormones are causing a much shorter fuse ... with DS I didn't have a short temper until much later in the pregnancy ...

Ugh ... rant over!

Has anyone been in a similar situation??? Been pregnant and going through a divorce???

MinnesotaMomma91 · May 2013

I got divorced during the early part of my pregnancy. It wasnt fun. My ds isnt my exes child which made things legaly easier. But with an abusive ex husband my pregnancy gave him more amo to make me look like the bad person.

My advice get a lawyer and file first. You want this on your terms not his

tracy41 · May 2013

I think I'd consider counseling before divorce. The fact he would say those things are pretty indicative that things are really bad between you. Fighting dirty like that, saying whatever will hurt most, is not good. A good marriage counselor can help you see if its salvageable or you're better off pulling the plug. Because trust me you may have mostly have raised your firstborn alone but really raising one alone, or two, is a whole different story.

salsamommy · May 2013

tracy41:
I think I'd consider counseling before divorce. The fact he would say those things are pretty indicative that things are really bad between you. Fighting dirty like that, saying whatever will hurt most, is not good. A good marriage counselor can help you see if its salvageable or you're better off pulling the plug. Because trust me you may have mostly have raised your firstborn alone but really raising one alone, or two, is a whole different story.

We've been going to counselling ... and the counselor even suggested in my one on one session that I should seriously start to consider cutting my losses because the stress has put me at a 9.5 out of 10 with stress level ... He can see that I'm just exhausted and tired of everything between me and DH in general ...

My main worry is with DS ... because DH is obviously going to fight for visitation, but his temper absolutely frightens me ... when DS was about 13 months or so, I had to go to the ER for myself, and DH wouldn't drive me ... so i told him to stay with DS ... well DS started crying as usual with DH ... DS won't stay with him at all on his own ... never has!!! Well because I didn't answer my phone ... DH lost it ... thank god my mom went over to the house, because when she got there, DH gave her DS and said, "get this kid away from me" ... when i arrived home, he tore a strip off of me for not answering my phone ... i found the house phone in a million pieces upstairs with a huge scuff on our dresser and when i questioned what happened, he said it was either the phone or DS ...

a situation before this, I was at work and DS was crying while DH was home all day watching him ... DH calls me in a panic, and says he had to put DS in the crib and closed the door for a few hours... well to this day, DS will no longer go in his crib, not even to play while i put away the laundry ... When I heard this ... I got my Aunt who watches DS while he's away working (on a cruise ship) to call first and see if everything was ok and if she could help ... and he called me right after yelling at me for telling my aunt there was a problem ... in turn I had to leave work to pick DS up and take him to my Aunt.

Is this something the courts would consider when it comes to Custody??? The counselor advised I could ask for the conditions that he seeks anger management ... but obviously DH will fight me all the way!!! He's even gone as far as to say he'll quit his job just so that he doesn't pay me the full child support amount I would be entitled to based on his current income ...

Ugh it's a mess ... what can i say!

tracy41 · May 2013

And now I say...that would be the end of it for me. There's too much really wrong there. Do you really think he'll want extensive visitation when he can't handle a few hours alone with your son?

CoIvie · May 2013

Oh my!! That's too much stress to be pregnant and already have a kid. Maybe he needs to talk to somebody by himself because that anger is not good. It was either the phone or the son? NO! Just grow up and learn how to handle your kid! Kids sense stress and that's probably why your son never wanted to be around him. smh. And as far as him quitting his job just so he won't have to pay...that won't make a difference!!!! You can either pay or have a warrant out for your arrest and you'll get sent to jail. Easy way or hard way!

Monkeybird84 · May 2013

Failing to pay child support is a felony if he lets it accumulate enough. He'll go to prison if he refuses, and most states will revoke a driver's license first. Also they will take it out of his unemployment checks if he quits his job and draws unemployment.

I say get a lawyer and throw the book at him. Document everything he says and does so that can be presented in court.

inthelost · May 2013

I'm with the PP on documenting and getting proof of everything he says and does. You and your DS and new little one don't need to be around it. You have tried marriage counseling: it's not working. I hate to say it, but divorce might be your only real option. I'm sorry you're going through this.

BabyVmakes5 · May 2013

My ex and I separated at 18 weeks with my last pregnancy. It was rough, but really...I did it. And I love being a single mom. I don't suggest divorce to anyone because I think it's too complicated of a choice for anyone to weigh in on from the outside. But if you do end up that way...it's not the end of the world. In fact for me it was the beginning.

Runaway22 · May 2013

tracy41:
And now I say...that would be the end of it for me. There's too much really wrong there. Do you really think he'll want extensive visitation when he can't handle a few hours alone with your son?

This.

Start documenting everything, even retrospectively, and hire a lawyer like, yesterday. He sounds dangerous.

babymama619 · May 2013

I'm pretty sure your hormones didnt make him say those hurtful things. Based on what you wrote here it sounds like you know this isn't the healthiest relationship. I hope you guys get professional help, or you get out.

Good luck

Possibly becoming a single mom....opinions needed!!!

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