My husband and I are expecting in early December. My husband is supposed to be deployed until the fall but he will be in an area that is commonly faces extensions so there is the possibility he wont be home until after my EDD. I am not one to have anyone but my husband involved in stuff but given that it's first child and he may not be home I have been thinking a lot of asking a family member to come down around the time of delivery. Even if my husband is home he can be very high stress so it would be nice to have someone around that can help keep me come and stuff.
My mother died unexpectedly last year and the relationship with my mother in law is very stressful as she is very pushy, loud and does not understand me at all. It doesn't help that she acts as if she is the one having the baby. We live in VA and all our family lives up North. We had recently told our parents we'd like just them to come down for Christmas after the baby is born and the next day she turned around and invited the entire family. While visiting them recently she grabbed me when a friend arrived and announced, "this is the breeder of our baby" after that and being smothered all day she couldn't understand why I walked away and found something else to do. She has been furious that she can't talk about it on Facebook and announce that she is going to be a grandmother but doesn't care that I get harassed by my birth family constantly and am worried about what will happen after it gets out to them. So as you can see these are just a few reasons she wouldn't be a good support for me during the end of my pregnancy or during the delivery but I know she is going to throw a huge fit once she finds out that I want either my cousin or my husbands Aunt with me. I am very close with both of them; they are supportive and help keep me through difficult situations and they both have characteristics similar to my mother that has passed. My cousin and his Aunt are just about the only ones I am comfortable with. Given my husband will be gone most of the pregnancy and may not make it home in time I would like to know one of them could be there if I needed them. We are home visiting this week and both my cousin and aunt are in the medical field so would need to plan ahead for taking time off etc. I am 12 weeks and would like to talk to them about coming to down but I am very worried about what will happen as soon as my MIL finds out. I'm not trying to upset her I just feel like having her in the delivery room would make it harder and if it has to be her I'd rather be alone even if my husband doesn't make it.
Any experiences with a similar situation? Any suggestions on approaching the situation with out causing an earthquake?
*edited by Mod* Please don't post specific months for deployment and redeployment dates.