In Law Vent — The Bump
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In Law Vent

Hello, I am 9 wks along with our second child.  We have told immediate family and close friends that are in our lives daily only because I have had severe morning sickness and we needed the support.  We decided to not tell my husband's family until July, mainly to get through the first trimester.  But also because they really stress me out.  They do not live nearby, and they are rude, self absorbed, all about drama kind of people. They do not participate in our lives often and when they do, it is a huge ordeal.   My in laws we a source of major stress to me during my first pregnancy, and this one will be my last - I want to have a more peaceful journey.  We invited all of my husbands family to visit at 4th of July, and normally any invite to them requires a lot of babysitting, begging, etc. just to get them here.  This time we agreed to just extend the invitation and leave it at that.  I guess old habits die hard tough and yesterday my husband called his brother to persuade them to visit and during this conversation, my husband told his brother about the pregnancy.  What's done is done, I know that it will be a short time now before news gets to my mother in law...  However, I am really furious with my husband.  When I addressed this issue with him he just shrugged it off.  But to me this was a huge violation of trust.   Any thoughts out there on how to process this with my husband?  Also, my instinct tells me to completely ignore my in laws to avoid the stress they bring, I also don't want to be rude, like they are.  And I understand that they are my son's family too - my own mother is dead, and my mother-inlaw is his only grandmother.  

Re: In Law Vent

  • I'm sorry you had a stressful time during your first pregnancy, but it sounds like he's just excited and wants to share his excitement with his family. I wouldn't consider him telling his family a huge violation of trust. Like you said, what's done is done.

    "I stammered, unable to form a coherent thought because I have a vagina."

     

     

  • I love how inlaw vents come to this board!

    If this is an ongoing issue with you and your husband you may need counseling to get him on the same page as you. 

    As for the rude,self absorbed all about drama in laws make sure they stay in a hotel. Use phrases like "No" "We have it covered"

    It's hard to give specific advice without knowing specific issues.  I deal with my rude, self absorbed, all about drama MIL by rarely talking to her and she lives 10 blocks away.

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  • image Hesterlicious:

    I love how inlaw vents come to this board!

    I know!  It's strange! 

  • Is there another board to go to?  Thanks for the support - I got over the fury pretty quickly, hormones... My husband and I have actually gone to counseling to work through issues involving his family and I work very hard not to allow them to affect my marriage.  My husband gives them the benefit of the doubt to a fault.  I am just extremely reluctant to include my in laws in anything because I always regret it later.  My mother died when my son was 9 mos old, my in laws showed up running late for her funeral at our house - and asked me to fix them lunch before we left.  Every interaction with them is about like that.  Hoping to keep them at a healthy distance this time...
  • image Marciaphillips:
    Is there another board to go to?  Thanks for the support - I got over the fury pretty quickly, hormones... My husband and I have actually gone to counseling to work through issues involving his family and I work very hard not to allow them to affect my marriage.  My husband gives them the benefit of the doubt to a fault.  I am just extremely reluctant to include my in laws in anything because I always regret it later.  My mother died when my son was 9 mos old, my in laws showed up running late for her funeral at our house - and asked me to fix them lunch before we left.  Every interaction with them is about like that.  Hoping to keep them at a healthy distance this time...

    That is probably the best thing you can do.

     

    I am sorry about your mom.

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  • Oh and I think the nest has a family matters board but I like the vents here because I lurk a drama filled inlaw forum when the lovely ladies of South Beach are sleeping.

     

     http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/4110113/ShowForum.aspx

    Don't ask me why I don't lurk there. I can't tell you.

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