Baby Showers

Tacky Picnics

If you decide you want to have a picnic or cookout at your house I think you should supply ALL of the food. Every time my family has a cookout we buy all the burgers, dogs, cole slaw, pasta salad, and all the other sides, desserts, and drinks.  If people ask to bring anything I say then can bring a dessert if they would like but all we are requesting is their company. 

I was invited to a cookout this weekend via facebook.  The host is supplying the burgers and hotdogs but requested that everyone bring a side dish or dessert (OR TWO) to share.  I'm sorry but I find that tacky.  If you are not going to supply all of the food then do not invite people over to your house. In my experience people usually ask what they can bring anyway.  That's fine to say a side dish or dessert would be nice but I think it's tacky to ask everyone to bring a dish if they did not offer.

 What is your opinion on asking people to bring food?  

 

ETA: It's for her husband's 30th birthday. Does that change how you feel about it? 

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Re: Tacky Picnics

  • I'm from the Midwest, so we're big on potlucks for casual get togethers. I don't bat an eyelash about this. But I also spent some time in Seattle when I was growing up and can't remember a single potluck there. I think some of it is a cultural or circle of family/friends thing. I personally don't mind either way and have been to and hosted get togethers where both all the food was served and where side dishes were asked for.
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  • I think bringing a side or dessert is totally normal- however the host(s) should be prepared with enough main dishes/basic sides or treats for everyone. I do have a sort of relative (crazy blended family) who "hosts" parties by cleaning her house, inviting everyone over, and assigning parts of the meal to each guest. She makes 0 of the food. We have stopped attending their parties unless it is something special for one of the family kids.
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  • My family handles holidays like this, but I suppose that's different! The host always makes and buys the Turkey and the Ham and everyone else brings something; I.e. mashed Potatoes, stuffing, jello salad etc.

    Also birthdays are kind of handled like this in our family too except not everyone is asked to bring things. Only god parents help out by bringing chips or fruit or something easy.

    I agree that it's kind of tacky. My parents always do Fourth of July bbq's at our cabin and provide everything. Sometimes my aunt will bring cupcakes or potato salad if she has time to whip something up.
  • imagerachelstauf:
    I'm from the Midwest, so we're big on potlucks for casual get togethers. I don't bat an eyelash about this. But I also spent some time in Seattle when I was growing up and can't remember a single potluck there. I think some of it is a cultural or circle of family/friends thing. I personally don't mind either way and have been to and hosted get togethers where both all the food was served and where side dishes were asked for.[/quote

    This! It's usually if you want to throw some meat on the grill bring it then everyone brings booze to share. I don't see anything wrong with this for a low key thing.
  • NL105NL105 member

    imagerachelstauf:
    I'm from the Midwest, so we're big on potlucks for casual get togethers. I don't bat an eyelash about this. But I also spent some time in Seattle when I was growing up and can't remember a single potluck there. I think some of it is a cultural or circle of family/friends thing. I personally don't mind either way and have been to and hosted get togethers where both all the food was served and where side dishes were asked for.

    I live in MI and this is the only way I've ever seen casual outside gatherings work, with the exception of graduation parties or birthday parties- in those cases the host will supply all of the food, but almost always, guests will offer to bring a dish to pass.

  • For a formal shower? No.
    But just a casual gathering? Who cares? We do rotating gatherings among neighbors frequently and all pitch in. Sorry but we are all working parents and cannot cook a spread for 10 adults and 9 children.

    But if I was hosting a shower with an honored guest I would never ask anyone to bring food.
  • Again, it must be a Midwest thing. I live in NW Indiana and this is really how these things work here.the host almost always provides some sides and desserts, but guests are requested to bring a dish to share. That is,unless the guest is expected to bring a gift, i.e. shower, birthday, wedding,graduation, etc.

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  • I went to a BYOM BBQ (Bring Your Own Meat) and I'm a vegetarian. I brought soy burgers and the host (I'm friends with his wife) refused to cook them because it wasn't real meat. That was the rudest thing I've ever experienced at what was basically a pot luck BBQ. I don't mind bringing something but don't tell me it's not good enough. I haven't been to their house since.
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  • We do potlucks with immediate family only ( like siblings and parents ) for casual gatherings or BBQs.  However for something like a shower or a birthday, we provide all the food.  If someone offers, we will take them up on it, but I don't ask.

  • imageMrsApplelovesMrApple:
    I went to a BYOM BBQ (Bring Your Own Meat) and I'm a vegetarian. I brought soy burgers and the host (I'm friends with his wife) refused to cook them because it wasn't real meat. That was the rudest thing I've ever experienced at what was basically a pot luck BBQ. I don't mind bringing something but don't tell me it's not good enough. I haven't been to their house since.

    This is horrifying. I've gone to BYOM BBQs before, mostly because a lot of my friends are foodies and like showing off something new or interesting they found, but we would NEVER disparage a guest because they brought a vegetarian "meat" to the party! We'd just make sure we had some foil to put on the grill so the veggie item was kept off of where the meat had recently been. (We have friends who are vegan, and would die at the thought of their food touching the grate after meat was on it, plus my ILs have an egg/chicken allergy, so we have to grill any chicken either on foil, or after all of the other items have been cooked, so there's no cross contamination.) It sounds like your friend's husband is a Neanderthal, and thought he was being funny when in fact he was being a giant jerk. I wouldn't go back to their house for a social engagement either if I were you. 

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  • imageMrsApplelovesMrApple:
    I went to a BYOM BBQ (Bring Your Own Meat) and I'm a vegetarian. I brought soy burgers and the host (I'm friends with his wife) refused to cook them because it wasn't real meat. That was the rudest thing I've ever experienced at what was basically a pot luck BBQ. I don't mind bringing something but don't tell me it's not good enough. I haven't been to their house since.
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  • imagePunkyBooster:
    For a formal shower? No. But just a casual gathering? Who cares? We do rotating gatherings among neighbors frequently and all pitch in. Sorry but we are all working parents and cannot cook a spread for 10 adults and 9 children.

     But if I was hosting a shower with an honored guest I would never ask anyone to bring food.

    Yeah, this is where I'm at.

    While usually it's a given that people will bring sides,  I don't care if I'm actually asked to do that.  *shrug* hosting can be expensive and I'd rather someone just out and out ask vs not throwing the party at all because they feel they can't do it all (not even talking $$ - just being able to put together enough food for everyone!).

     

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  • imagePunkyBooster:
    For a formal shower? No. But just a casual gathering? Who cares? We do rotating gatherings among neighbors frequently and all pitch in. Sorry but we are all working parents and cannot cook a spread for 10 adults and 9 children. But if I was hosting a shower with an honored guest I would never ask anyone to bring food.

    This. For just a friendly gathering I don't see the big deal with pot lucks. If it bothers you that much you don't have to go.  

  • I have a huge family I'm one of five children and countless cousins, if it was a big family event I could totally see doing things pot luck style. For a small get together I would supply everything. 

    Edit to add

    I would never consider pot luck for an event like a shower or a wedding I was talking about family picnics that it wouldnt bother me 

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  • imagePunkyBooster:
    For a formal shower? No. But just a casual gathering? Who cares? We do rotating gatherings among neighbors frequently and all pitch in. Sorry but we are all working parents and cannot cook a spread for 10 adults and 9 children. But if I was hosting a shower with an honored guest I would never ask anyone to bring food.

    All of this. I don't have a problem with a casual gathering being treated like this, but showers, birthdays, weddings, etc....NO.

    I don't personally throw parties like that, because I am too much of a control freak. 

  • imageNL105:

    imagerachelstauf:
    I'm from the Midwest, so we're big on potlucks for casual get togethers. I don't bat an eyelash about this. But I also spent some time in Seattle when I was growing up and can't remember a single potluck there. I think some of it is a cultural or circle of family/friends thing. I personally don't mind either way and have been to and hosted get togethers where both all the food was served and where side dishes were asked for.

    I live in MI and this is the only way I've ever seen casual outside gatherings work, with the exception of graduation parties or birthday parties- in those cases the host will supply all of the food, but almost always, guests will offer to bring a dish to pass.


    Ditto. I grew up in Indiana and if it is a family get together/party/cookout, this is what we do. Now, I would kinda wonder why a friend would invite me to a party via Facebook and assign me a dish, but I would probably have asked them what I can bring anyway so it doesn't really matter. I would never do it that way, but to each their own.

    ETA: I've never been asked or expected to bring food to a shower or birthday party, though. That does seem tacky, unless its for my immediate family member's birthday.
  • I guess I should have added that it's for her husbands 30th birthday. 
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  • jencnhjencnh member
    I'm from the northeast (yup, those crazies that have SURPRISE showers...hahaha). If we have a get together, most people that attend will just offer to bring a dish. Never really asked to do so, but I too would feel bad showing up empty handed. There are some that don't offer a dish and some that do. Either is fine.
    I think if it's someone's birthday party then no one should be asked, but perhaps if close friends and family offer you can take them up on it.
  • I don't have a problem with potlucks. I factor in someone getting their house/yard together before hand and having to deal with clean up afterwards, sio it doesn't bother me to bring a dish to share.

    But I think if you are hosting a party you either need to supply all the food and have it BYOB or you supply all the alcohol and sides and have people BYOmeats/non-meat grillables. One of DH's friends is notorious for hosting parties, usually for his own birthday or something, and stating that he'll make a 'big salad' or a 'bowl of popcorn' and that his guests need to bring whatever we want to eat and drink. Umm? What?

    When we host a party we usually supply all the drinks, meats/non-meats, sides and a dessert. But If people offer to bring something I don't mind, especially if it is more desserts. Or ice. We always seem to forget about ice! :)

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  • imageNL105:

    imagerachelstauf:
    I'm from the Midwest, so we're big on potlucks for casual get togethers. I don't bat an eyelash about this. But I also spent some time in Seattle when I was growing up and can't remember a single potluck there. I think some of it is a cultural or circle of family/friends thing. I personally don't mind either way and have been to and hosted get togethers where both all the food was served and where side dishes were asked for.

    I live in MI and this is the only way I've ever seen casual outside gatherings work, with the exception of graduation parties or birthday parties- in those cases the host will supply all of the food, but almost always, guests will offer to bring a dish to pass.

     Same. But I guess I never have been asked to bring food. I just always offer. Minnesota nice and all. 

  • imagestephersj:

    I don't see a problem if it is a casual thing.  We do that with friends, except I don't specifically request that people bring things.  I just make sure everyone knows what we are having which is usually whatever the main course is and a side or two and then everyone else just brings stuff to go with it.

    We have done this for birthdays recently (for my husband and myself), but we are late 20's early 30's and no one brings presents to these BBQs anyways.  (Not complaining I am 100% fine with that.  We don't need gifts)  We just like to get everyone together to hang out and everyone in our circle does the same thing.  No gift giving ever, just hanging out and enjoying some food and each other's company.  

    If it were for a kid's birthday then I would most definitely provide all the food and what not.

    Same here. No one does birthday presents any more at our age, it's just an excuse to hang out, drink a few beers, maybe play some Cards Against Humanity, and catch up with each other, so we do potluck gatherings as the general rule for bdays.

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  • I only find potlucks to be tacky if it's an event where you're supposed to be hosting everything. Like a wedding reception or baptism where you are inviting everyone as a thank you for attending. 

    A potluck for the sake of a potluck is perfectly fine, IMO. I wouldn't be offended by just being invited to a potluck. My office does potlucks sometimes around holidays and we all just share and have lunch.

    A potluck for a birthday is a little dicier. I like to provide everything when I'm throwing a party for a specific reason like that. And I know people say that people will being food in lieu of a gift, but an adult, I only give birthday gifts to, like, my husband and BFF. (Which is also one reason I'm taken aback if people post on FB about donating to xyz instead of a gift around their birthday - I wasn't going to get you anything anyway!) 

     

    To be honest, in my dad's family, we have big family parties the weekend before Christmas and all weekend long on Labor Day weekend. The host always provides booze, a meat/main, and a few other things. But family members always bring their own dishes - cookies, potato salad, stuffed mushrooms. No one ASKS, though. It's just what we do. We love food! 

     

     

    ETA: Also, as a vegetarian, it's nice to bring something I know I'll be able to eat! As a result I usually bring a substantial salad, or a hearty side like a pasta salad or 5 layer dip.  

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  • We recently had two parties at our house

    A combo birthday party for which we made a big Mexican taco bar and had mojitos, beer and sangria

    And a memorial day weekend pool party for which we supplied burgers, dogs (including vegan options) potatoe salad and some beer and everyone else brought the rest

    We have a pretty close group and are often throwing together dinners and impromptu get togethers. I would personally, however, never ask or expect people to bring food to a birthday or "guest of honor" event like pp's mentioned (but a bottle of booze is always welcome) 

     

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