"Oh, don't tell her!"

TheLittleRedM · May 2013

*eye roll*

I've found that the thing that bothers me most about things that people say, even more than the fat comments, is when someone tells about their not-so-great laboring experience and someone else gets all wide-eyed and shushes them. Especially when it comes from people that I feel should know me well enough to know that those stories don't bother me, they don't worry me. Yes, I'm well aware of things that can go wrong and things that can (and probably will) become frustrating and annoying and painful and blah blah blah. Normally, I just smile politely and say it's okay if they tell me because they aren't adding to my stress levels. What will be will be and there is probably very very little that I can do to prevent it if it's going to happen.

Are FTMs really that awful about worrying and stressing over labor or do we all just seem like these little creatures that don't understand the 'horror' we could be getting ourselves into? People share stories because it makes them feel like they can connect to me better and in a way, it works. Granted, I know there are plenty of mom-to-be's who do worry and stress a lot and I think it's wise to know where they stand on their feelings about labor before telling a labor story, but still.

Maybe it's just me.... /end rant.

RumbleLina · May 2013

I didn't/don't take it as that at all.

I personally am one of those "don't tell her that" people because I feel like some women tend to focus on the negative aspects of delivery when talking to a FTM instead of empowering them to feel like it is normal and their bodies are capable. It may not bother some but I do know a lot of FTM who end up with anxiety over some of the stories they have been told. Our society has such a negative view on birth to begin with and all you have to do is turn on a TV show or movie to see how things are portrayed...women are usually sweaty and screaming their heads off in pain adding in a few swear words.

TheLittleRedM · May 2013

And I completely understand being careful about what you say and what stories you tell. But the women in my life can be so overly dramatic when telling someone to stop sharing a story, it's ridiculous. I feel embarrassed for the party who was in the process of telling. And what bothers me more is when they wait until the end of the story to say that the person shouldn't have said anything and the teller laughs and agrees. If you really think that I shouldn't be hearing your story as a FTM, maybe you should think about what you're wanting to say or even cut yourself off before you say anything worrisome.

But like I said, these are women that should know me well enough by now to know I rarely let things get to me and I've been open about letting people know that my only real anxiety is about how I'll be as mom and that labor is just that, labor.

And I totally agree about how negative birthing is made out to be. Obviously everyone knows it isn't easy or fun because otherwise it probably wouldn't be called labor. People need to do more to empower. I personally think that women should be telling their labor stories as a "look what happened and look how I got through it and met this awesome tiny human" instead of "oh my God, it was so awful and the worst experience ever."

M0ON · May 2013

I've heard plenty of women complain about being bombarded with horror stories, so it may be that the "shushers" are erring on the side of caution that you don't want to hear any of it.

For some women it may even be less about worry or stress, and more just trying to maintain a positive, happy image of what's to come.

PrimRoseMama · May 2013

I'm of a mind that if someone is of a mind to ask me about my labor experience then I will tell them.

However, my labor was far from horrific. I just don't understand why some BTDT moms feel the urge to share a horrific story if no one asks. Seems crazy morbid to me.

Jasmineeelizabeth · May 2013

In my first and second trimester I didn't want to hear about any thing that could possibly go wrong because it would stress me out.

Now I'm wanting to know the birth story for every person I know.

My SIL's birth that my MIL just told me was by far the most absurd and horrifying I've ever heard, and I've been DYING to tell it on here (I wont, but I want to). So I guess I know understand why other people felt the need to share the ones they know with us.

But I agree with OP I can tell someone I don't want to hear horror stories by myself when it bothers me. I don't need people cutting other people off for me.

sophie206 · May 2013

The last couple times I've seen my FIL, he's told me a story about a nurse who pulled a baby's head off during childbirth. Not sure why he thinks I want to hear this (twice).

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