The last 45 minutes of my life:

NativeFloridian · May 2013

1. Pull into driveway with sleeping children. Make phone call to what is assumed to be an automated line. Real person picks up, begins asking questions.

2. Newborn wakes up, needs to be nursed. Frantic cries wake toddler, who becomes jealous when newborn gets to go up front with mom. Toddler begins frantic crying.

3. Nurse newborn while toddler screams and phone call is still in progress.

4. Burp newborn. Be puked on. Call still in progress. Toddler still screaming.

5. Make nest in passenger seat for newborn. Newborn commences crying upon being set down. Toddler still crying. Wrapping up phone call.

6. Take children inside. Only one person, so have to do it one kid at a time. Start with newborn since he can't get into things when placed inside house. Toddler increases intensity of screaming. Take toddler inside and place in crib to finish nap that was cut short. Toddler increases intensity of screaming.

6. Give up. Hold newborn, allow toddler to wreck house and whine a lot because of being tired. Inevitably be b!tched at for doing nothing upon return of housemates.