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Working Moms
yepyepsms
member
is this weird? (daycare teacher behavior)
yepyepsms
member
in Working Moms
Just wanted your opinion on these...
1. I will be holding my son just after I pick him up off the floor when I arrive at DC, cuddling him, and one of his teachers will hold out her arms to him and say something like "I just want to see if he'll come to me". She did this for the first time about two weeks ago and did it for the third time this past Friday. I wait all day to see my son and once I've got him in my arms, I want him. Not to mention it's the end of the day and I want to get him and get home and don't have time to play this "who does he want to go to" game. It's really starting to irritate me. Why would she "test" whether he wants to stay in my arms or go to her? She is a grown woman and I just think this is very odd behavior?
2. (Same teacher) For the past couple of weeks my son (who is one year old in a couple of wks) is going through a hair pulling phase at daycare. When it first came up I asked her and his other lead teacher to redirect and shared that at home we are saying and demonstrating "gentle". She told me on Friday that she is now putting him in his crib for a timeout when he does it and won't listen to them telling him no, etc. I was so shocked I didn't know what to say. Please tell me if I am off here, but I feel like he is too young for a "timeout" in the crib? And by redirecting, I feel like he should be shown a different area or toy...don't get me wrong, he shouldn't be allowed to pull kids hair, but putting him in his crib for a timeout seems like too much for a baby at one year?
Thoughts? Suggestions? I am debating whether I should talk to her directly, the director or both?
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Re: is this weird? (daycare teacher behavior)
1) I would just say something like, "We're in a hurry now, you'll have to get your snuggles with this cutie tomorrow!" or "I'm not giving up snuggles now! I've missed them all day!" and turn your back slightly. Say it laughingly but firmly.
2) I'd want more clarification but it does sound odd. If I was feeling like my temper was short, I'd put DS in the crib at that age when re-directing wasn't working. Then I'd pull my hair back, take a breath, grab a toy for him, and pick him up. It was a break for him and me... not a time out. He's too young for a time out. It would be odd to me that a teacher would need a break from my kid that often, though.
Both would bother me. I agree with the suggestion to say "I'm in a hurry" and leave. 1 is too young IMO to start time-out. I would reiterate to the teacher what you are doing at home and how you want to keep consistency between home and daycare.
1) Weird. I agree to tell her that it's mama snuggle time now and how you've missed him all day, and then I'd probably walk away from her.
2) I tried to get my daycare to put my kid in time out at 14 months old and they told me it was against STATE policy until they were over 2 yrs old. So, you might check on that. Hair pulling isn't a time-out thing either I don't think. Much like biting, they are just learning how to express themselves and don't have the vocabulary to do so yet.
2 I would tell her that 1 year is too young for time out and you want them to encourage gentle hands and redirection and that you are telling her to not do the time out thing with your child until he is at least 2. If she doesn't seem to get it or argues then I would go to the director. Btw everything I've read says that 1 is too young for time out and my pediatrician has confirmed that.
1. That would bug me. who does that?
2. Our daughter's pedi doesn't recommend time outs until at least 3.
I would be talking to the director about both of these issues since it is the same teacher.
Yes, both would bother me.
As for the #1, the new aide at my son's daycare did that to me too, twice. I felt the exact same way as you did. I was so shocked when she did it the first time. In that incident, not only did she reach for him when I was holding him but once she got him, she said "bye bye Mommy." I was like, WTF!?! I didn't say anything other than "okay, time to go." I tried to say it in a cheery way so I didn't not give away in that moment how pissed I was.
The second time, DS was being fussy and wiggly because he was trying to get down because he didn't wan to leave so she, again, reached for him and took him from my arms (it's so shocking when it happens it's hard to react immediately, especially when DS reaches for her too) and took him upstairs, like it was time to go. Granted, maybe she was trying to help me, but it still rubbed me the wrong way. I looked at the head teacher/owner who was standing right there and said, "well, I guess it's time to go." It's never happened again. I don't know if the owner said something to her, but I'm sure I looked annoyed at that moment.
The aide is very good with the kids and I think she was not trying to do anything weird or inappropraite, but if it had continued I would have had to figure out a way to deal with it because it was not cool in my book. (The aide doesn't speak very good English so I would have had to say something to the owner.)
So, I agree with pp's try the cheery approach - "oh no, it's time for mommy snuggles" - first but if she doesn't get the hint after doing that a few times, I would probably say something to her first (nicely, like "I know it's fun to snuggle him but I would prefer that when I'm holding him you let me have my time with him) and then if she continues, still say something to the director because then it's beyond weird, IMO.
Number 1 is just weird. I can see why it annoys you. I'm not sure how to avoid that...
Number 2 seems wrong to me. Timeout at barely a year old doesn't sound like the right choice. Redirecting (like you said) would be my first choice and I know my DC didn't put DS in timeout until he was over a year and a half. I was the one trying to get them to do timeout sooner and they wouldn't.
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
Yes, I think both are weird. I would be irritated with a teacher trying to take LO away when I'm picking up and getting hugs and kisses. I'd probably say, he'll be here again tomorrow.
Our school has a no timeout rule altogether, so I would not be okay if they put DS in timeout...especially in a crib. I don't knwo how old your LO is, but especially if he's still in a crib, he doesn't understand the concept, so timeout isn't a teaching tool at this point either.
As far as 2, I work in the infant room and we have a notorious hair puller. We don't put her in time out, but sometimes she does have to go in her crib for a minute or two, if we are busy feeding/changing diapers and can't physically keep her away from the other babies. It is a safety issue. So I guess I would ask for more details on that.
Both are weird.
The second one, in particular, concerns me for a couple of reasons. Beyond what's already been said about one being too young for time-outs, I'd be concerned about them implementing time-outs without discussing with you first. In addition, the crib is a bad place to use as the time-out spot as your LO may start associating it with punishment. Pretty much every sleep book I've read counsels to avoid this.
I also work in an infant room and agree with all of this. When we have to put a child in their crib, we always make sure they have books or toys.
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