"Playful" Sass — The Bump
Pre-School

"Playful" Sass

DD#1 is 5, just finished preschool.  She is a bright, kind, sweet girl.  She is polite and helpful.  We are so proud and in awe of her.  But.  Last few weeks she's been pulling a bit of sassy out and that's fine, she recants quickly with "the look."  But what is driving me crazy is when she gives a sassy "no" or "not fair" in a silly voice and laughs after. 

It is not a big deal in the grand, or even minor scheme, but I do get far more irritated at it.  I am ignoring at this point.  Would you ignore or treat it as the real thing? 

 

If you really want to be happy, no one can stop you.

[IMG]http://i47.tinypic.com/34fg0u1.jpg[/IMG]

Re: "Playful" Sass

  • DS will be five next week and also is finishing up his PreK year of school.

    DH says the only thing that DS has learned at school is how to be sassy.

     

    Lately there is a lot of eye rolling and a lot of unfairness (in his eyes) and he is having a really hard time with his sister, for the first time ever. He has no patience with her. :(

    I probably get more irritated than I should. I take it personally. And I feel like he doesn't get it and doesn't care that it's rude and unacceptable.

    So I guess I am no help, but need help! 

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  • imageVTbride05:

    DS will be five next week and also is finishing up his PreK year of school.

    DH says the only thing that DS has learned at school is how to be sassy.

     

    Lately there is a lot of eye rolling and a lot of unfairness (in his eyes) and he is having a really hard time with his sister, for the first time ever. He has no patience with her. :(

    I probably get more irritated than I should. I take it personally. And I feel like he doesn't get it and doesn't care that it's rude and unacceptable.

    So I guess I am no help, but need help! 

    Yeah I got so irritated today... I took the kids out to a new huge playground and then for a hike in the woods. Then we met DH at a town festival, they played in the spray garden, we went out for dinner, then walked around, and got ice cream and sat and watched the Army Band. We came home, played with the neighbors a bit, then came in and started night routine. During the tv show she chose to play checkers. Show over, time to go brush teeth and she fussed and said it was no fair that she didn't get to play on the computer, too, after we came home. I was in disbelief. I asked her how she'd feel if she made me a pretty picture, spent a long time on it and I said "No fair! I wanted paint, not markers! I don't like it." And she snapped back: "Then you should have put the paints out that day."

    Are you kidding me? Cracks me up in some twisted way, but ugh.

    If you really want to be happy, no one can stop you.

    [IMG]http://i47.tinypic.com/34fg0u1.jpg[/IMG]
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  • Both of my kids will occasionally pull the "I'm just kidding" thing.  Sometimes I think it's because the sass or the nasty comment pops out without them really thinking.  Then after they hear what they've said, they realize that they've made a mistake.  Of course, they do this to each other all the time in their arguments. But they do it to DH and I occasionally as well (or did -- they're starting to age out of this now, thank goodness!)

    5 year olds have a lot of words and social know-how at their disposal, but not so much impulse control.  They like to test the boundaries of social interaction in this way.  They know how to manipulate others' feelings.  I'd deal with it, but not by punishing.

    I handle this by reminding them that they need to slow down and think about what they're saying.  I flat-out tell them that saying something mean and then quickly (and, possibly, insincerely) adding "just joking" or laughing to turn a hurtful remark into a funny one can still hurt people's feelings -- it's not fooling anyone.  People won't know whether to take them seriously if they're always joking with their words in this way.

    Not taking things personally is really important with kids in the early school age years.  They are better able to "zing" you with their words; not letting them know that they have this power over you is key.

    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
  • imageneverblushed:

    Both of my kids will occasionally pull the "I'm just kidding" thing.  Sometimes I think it's because the sass or the nasty comment pops out without them really thinking.  Then after they hear what they've said, they realize that they've made a mistake.  Of course, they do this to each other all the time in their arguments. But they do it to DH and I occasionally as well (or did -- they're starting to age out of this now, thank goodness!)

    5 year olds have a lot of words and social know-how at their disposal, but not so much impulse control.  They like to test the boundaries of social interaction in this way.  They know how to manipulate others' feelings.  I'd deal with it, but not by punishing.

    I handle this by reminding them that they need to slow down and think about what they're saying.  I flat-out tell them that saying something mean and then quickly (and, possibly, insincerely) adding "just joking" or laughing to turn a hurtful remark into a funny one can still hurt people's feelings -- it's not fooling anyone.  People won't know whether to take them seriously if they're always joking with their words in this way.

    Not taking things personally is really important with kids in the early school age years.  They are better able to "zing" you with their words; not letting them know that they have this power over you is key.

    OH yes to the "Just kidding." I always thought it was because she was testing the boundaries trying to parlay like an adult, and then realize from my response that it was out of line. I think you've hit it with the impulse control.  Kinda like when I'm driving letting out the occasional "Are you kidding me?????" to the jerky driver cutting everyone off... LOL- I think we both need to work on that.  Or when DH throws out a mildly judgy "observation" and throws a chuckle at the end to "soften" the blow. 

    I like how you handle it and though I am pretty laid back, I probably let her know she got my goat by pulling authoritative mommy in response.  Great thoughts, thank you!

    If you really want to be happy, no one can stop you.

    [IMG]http://i47.tinypic.com/34fg0u1.jpg[/IMG]
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