Kids lying - WWYD?

Mrs.Greg · May 2013

Lydia has started lying to me about random little things. Like if she washed her hands after going potty. Or she'll do something bad and say one of the babies did it. It's actually almost comical when she lies and says one of the babies did something bad because they understand and stick up for themselves. Like yesterday she took all o the cushions off the couches while I was in the bathroom and said Anna did it. Well, Anna said "nooo" and when I asked her who did it, both Anna and Fiona said "Lydi" and pointed to Lydia. I laughed a little to myself at that one. But anyway. I don't like that she's lying to me even if it's only little things. I've tired being stern, saying that she shouldn't lie, bad little boys and girls lie. I've tried reasoning with her, saying that she'll get in MORE trouble for lying, she needs to just tell me the truth. I've even tried to guilt her, saying that it hurts mommy's feelings when she lies to me. But she continues to do it. Am I overreacting? Is this normal 4-year-old behavior?

sbevmc09 · May 2013

I feel like this is normal behavior.

I'm interested in what is the proper way to handle it though.

alli2672 · May 2013

I will throw in my two cents. This is normal 4 year old behavior. In fact, some may say that this is good 4 year old behavior. She knows the difference between good and bad, cares about what you think of her, etc.

4 year olds don't tend to integrate good and bad very well. They still think of themselves as entirely good. So, when they do something bad, they don't really think of "themselves" as doing it. They think of "bad lydi" as doing it. So, when they say they didn't do it, they really aren't lying, or at least not in the sense that you and I are.

Bonus: They also think of you that way. That you are usually really good, and when you do something "bad," then it isn't really "you." (This is why in the book "Miss Nelson is back," all of the kids were tricked, and any kid you read it to is tricked by Viola Swamp, but as an adult it seems immediately obvious this is the same person. There are all sorts of children's stories that represent characters as being completely good or completely bad or good characters being replaced by bad ones...this seems totally natural to children). Some adults do a horrible job integrating "good and bad" as well, and tend to think of people as "all good" or "all bad."

Anyway, you are a great mom and absolutely doing the right thing. i.e. Punish her for lying. Explain that she shouldn't do it. Be as consistent as possible. Also, recognize that this is a phase and try not to worry about it too much.

TobieRose · May 2013

From what I understand it's fairly common at this age. I remember reading an article somewhere to give your kids as little opportunity to lie as possible. For example, if you see that she's done something, don't ask "Did you do pull the cushions of the couch?" since you already know it was her. Instead the article suggested saying something like, "We aren't supposed to pull the cushions off the couch; come help me put them back on." Asking them if or why they did something can trigger their "fight or flight" and so they lie even if it's obvious they did or didn't do something.

But admittedly, I don't have any four year olds yet! And obviously even if you guard your own language to prevent opportunities for lying, they will still lie sometimes. My friend's three year old does. I wish I had more to offer.

Hollylb3 · May 2013

I think it's pretty normal at 4. However I'm having the same problem with 10yo SD, and I'm not having any luck. :[

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