Guardians

orangegoggles · May 2013

Anyone having a hard time choosing guardians? DH and I haven't done this yet...I know, bad! We are having trouble with it so I was wondering your thought processes.

My sister and her H are hands down the best choice. My sister parents like I do and her H is a great dad. I know they would take DS into their home with love BUT they live across the country with their 3 kids. That means our DS would be ripped away from his extended family (both grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins,) plus his friends, school, and familiar town. I know DS will become very close with all of his family, especially DH's parents. I am very close with my sister but we probably only see them 3- 4 times a year.

I would not want any of my other siblings at this point to be guardians. The grandparents are out...for a variety of reasons but I also worry about the age. We don't have friends that we are both comfortable with being guardians.

What was your thought process? How important was the location of your guardians? What else did you consider?

martinimomma · May 2013

Neither DH nor I have siblings, so this was a hard call for us. We decided on my parents, as DH does not have a traditional family structure. But with time, we may change that to one of our close friends and their spouse who also have kids as my folks age.

Most of our family and friends and within a 2-state (adjoining) area, so the distance thing was not a factor for us.

Big factors for us were maintaining family ties (of which we have few), values, faith tradition and discipline/parenting style. Also knowing that the guardians had the financial means to provide for an additional (or now 2) member - we'd have our life insurance follow the child, obviously, but if the potential guardian would be strapped for day to day expenses of another person in their household that would not work (hence overruling asking one of my dear friends who is a wonderful mother and person but in severe financal straits most all of the time).

We also had a hard talk with my parents about knowing when to say when, and possibly designating back-up guardians to give them the ability to acknowledge that they would not be able to handle it and have another loving family to take them in.

It is not an easy decision no matter what the circumstances. Good luck!

orangegoggles · May 2013

martinimomma:
Big factors for us were maintaining family ties (of which we have few), values, faith tradition and discipline/parenting style. Also knowing that the guardians had the financial means to provide for an additional (or now 2) member - we'd have our life insurance follow the child, obviously, but if the potential guardian would be strapped for day to day expenses of another person in their household that would not work (hence overruling asking one of my dear friends who is a wonderful mother and person but in severe financal straits most all of the time).

Thanks for sharing your thought process. I agree with everything you wrote. I'm just worried about the distance, though I know they would make sure DS kept in contact with our families with visits, etc. I just feel like it would be a hard transition to pick up and move but I do really believe he would have the best possible life with their family.

JulyMomma2U2 · May 2013

We still have not chosen guardians. It is such a difficult decision.

orangegoggles · May 2013

mkc5869:
We had a hard time at first also.nbsp; Like you, my sister is the obvious choice because she is most like me but neither of us agree with her husband's parenting.nbsp; We ended up going with my brother and SIL for various reasons.nbsp; This is what we considered: Proximity to both families, age, stability of family life, ability to Lprovide, parenting styles, importance of family, and something that we didn't think of at first but became very important was willingness to include the other family in their lives.nbsp; I knew that my brother and SIL would absolutely go out of their way to make sure that my DH's family got to see her and be a part of her life.nbsp; It is such a hard choice and I still haven't actually told my sister that I didn't pick her.nbsp; They chose me to be my nephews guardian when I was a single college student and I feel like it might hurt her feelings [:] On the up side is that we asked my brother and SIL to be her guardian at Christmas and they said that it cemented that they should start trying for a baby.nbsp; They have gone back and forth for years but started trying in January and hit the jackpot!nbsp; They have a little boy due in Oct!Good luck with making this choice!

Thanks for your insight!

orangegoggles · May 2013

JulyMomma2U2:
We still have not chosen guardians.nbsp; It is such a difficult decision.

I know right! I really want to get it taken care of though like soon!

melly918 · May 2013

You have to do what's best for your child and who is able to provide the best care. My sister will be my kids' guardian. I picked her because she has a home, a steady professional job as a school psych and knows how to care for children. She does live out of state 8 hours away from us and extended family but it is what it is.

jobiann · May 2013

It was super easy for us, so I'm no help. I'm the youngest of 5 with 4 sisters and 1 brother. So we asked my brother and his wife...they have two girls. They were thrilled. They live in our community so if something did happen to us, DS would still be close to DH's family too.

That is a difficult situation...I'd say go with who will provide the best care/support for your LO, but it would be hard to have your son be so far from his extended family. I think I'd still go with your sister. The next bet would be close friends, but I forgot you said you don't feel close enough with anyone. GL.

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