Grandparent poll

Mrs.Hizzo · May 2013

For context, my dad has made the decision to go off chemo and probably that means we'll be losing him in the next few months. Which sucks royally for me, but right now I'm thinking about my kids. Their other grandpa is awesome, but he's a state away. They typically only see him about twice a year. I'm wondering if I should step it up and try to get out to visit a little more often, since that's the only "grandpa" time they'll have before long. So here's the poll:

1. Do your kids have all their grandparents?

2. Do they have a relationship with all of them?

3. Have they ever lost a grandparent?

4. If so, did you make a point to foster more of a relationship with the remaining same-sex grandparent?

penguingrrl · May 2013

I'm so sorry to hear about your father. That must be so painful for you!

1. All four grandparents are living.

2. They do not have a relationship with my father (nor do I). I last saw him when Emma was a newborn, I'm not sure if he knows about Andrew at all.

3. No, they have not lost a grandparent.

4. N/A

dizzycooks · May 2013

Mrs.Hizzo:
For context, my dad has made the decision to go off chemo and probably that means we'll be losing him in the next few months. Which sucks royally for me, but right now I'm thinking about my kids. Their other grandpa is awesome, but he's a state away. They typically only see him about twice a year. I'm wondering if I should step it up and try to get out to visit a little more often, since that's the only "grandpa" time they'll have before long. So here's the poll:
1. Do your kids have all their grandparents?
Yes.
2. Do they have a relationship with all of them?
I suppose. ILs are several hours away and we see them every few months. DD does not recognize them at this point, but I would assume she will soon.
3. Have they ever lost a grandparent?
No. If it helps, I grew up with just one grandma and she was awesome. I couldn't have asked for a better grandma.
4. If so, did you make a point to foster more of a relationship with the remaining same-sex grandparent?
IDK. I would assume it would happen naturally since the others aren't around any longer.

Arnegard · May 2013

1. Do your kids have all their grandparents? Yes, well DH's Dad passed - but we have a good Step-Dad that is better than FIL ever was. Plus my Grandpa & DH's Gma are still alive.

2. Do they have a relationship with all of them? My in-law's yes. They see my side about once a year.

3. Have they ever lost a grandparent? Yes, but no one they were close to. Saw him about once a year. Funeral was 2 summers ago.

4. If so, did you make a point to foster more of a relationship with the remaining same-sex grandparent? I think my girls enjoy SFIL a lot. He is the kind to kid around with the girls, my parents are so far off.....

sunnydays99 · May 2013

I'm so sorry that your father and your family is going through this. It must be incredibly hard to make that decision.

1. Yes, the kids have 4 grandparents

2. They have a relationship with 3 of them. They are close to my parents. They see dh's mom fairly often if they saw dh's dad in the street they would have no clue who he is. When talking about grandparents DS says "grandma & papa" (my parents) and grandma f (dh's mom). All grandparents live in the same city as us and have equal opportunity to see the kids.

3. No

4. N/a

good luck in what you decide

ToBeMrsT · May 2013

1. no- they only have dh's parents now

2. sort of. Dh's parents live very far away and they don't make much of an effort to see us. They also don't make much of an effort to communicate with us.

3. yes

4. maybe a little, but dh's parents are not very involved so there isn't a lot I can do. I can only suggest so much, but if they don't try to know my kids there isn't a lot I can do.

Unfortunately my kids are going to grow up missing out on a lot of family relationships.

jensriot · May 2013

I'm so sorry your family is going through this.

1. Yes

2. Yes, but they only see each set once a year each or less. My parents are divorced and both remarried, so lots of grandparents.

3. No

4. Doesn't apply and I'm not sure what I would do in this situation. I really wish they had more opportunities to see grandparents as it is.

holz · May 2013

I'm so sorry about your father.

1. Do your kids have all their grandparents? Yes, plus one [FIL's wife]

2. Do they have a relationship with all of them? Sort of. We see FIL his wife very rarely, but they know who he is.

3. Have they ever lost a grandparent? No

4. If so, did you make a point to foster more of a relationship with the remaining samesex grandparent? n/a, but I'll say that seeing the boys with my dad makes me so badly want them to have a closer relationship with FIL, so I imagine if we lost my father I would push that more.

selockar · May 2013

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad.

1. Do your kids have all their grandparents? No. 2 grandmas and a grandpa

2. Do they have a relationship with all of them? No. They only have a relationship with my parents. DH's mom has issues and no relationship with our kids.

3. Have they ever lost a grandparent? There paternal grandpa passed away before they were born.

4. If so, did you make a point to foster more of a relationship with the remaining same-sex grandparent? They have a very good relationship with both of my parents. I make sure they get as much grandparent time as possible. My parents live 14 hours away, but visit often. We also go away with them in the summer.

ASullivan1231 · May 2013

1. Yes, all 4 grandparents.

2. He sees my parents about once a week and my IL's about once every 2 weeks. Bottom line he sees all grandparents a lot. As far as I'm concerned, our son hit the jackpot with grandparents. They see him as God's gift to this earth and they are all incredibly generous with their time and money. Plus some great-grandmothers.

3. No

4. If I could give some advice - try to take as many pictures of you and your kids with your Dad as possible. If you can put 1 or 2 in the house you can talk to your kids about him and keep his memory alive.

On a side note - if your FIL is a good man, and it's not too much for you and your H, then yes, try to make that relationship stronger for your kids. He will never replace the grandfather the kids lost, but (again if he's a good man) it will only enhance your children's life.

I'm so sorry for your impending loss. I put myself if your position, and I can't imagine. I wish you and your Dad the best.

chickaboo1974 · May 2013

Mrs.Hizzo:

1. Do your kids have all their grandparents? No my FIL and MIL were deceased before the boys were born. It is still touchy with my Dad- he has serious heart condition and it is not possible to do a bypass- he had a surgery in January and that is about all that they can do for him. He also has a early onset dementia- in its very early stages.

2. Do they have a relationship with all of them? We see my parents when we can- at least once a month- they live 2 hours away.

3. Have they ever lost a grandparent? No

4. If so, did you make a point to foster more of a relationship with the remaining same-sex grandparent? I have really let my Dad lead the relationship with them- my DH doesn't want them riding horses yet, but I convinced him to let my Dad teach them since he enjoys it and the pony they ride is docile and VERY well trained.

ta78 · May 2013

I'm so sorry.

Both of our parents are less than 10 minutes from us and we are all very close. They both see the kids at least once a week, but usually more than that. It is going to be really really hard for the kids when something happens to them.

hero · May 2013

Mrs.Hizzo:
I am so sorry about your dad.
1. Do your kids have all their grandparents?
Yes.
2. Do they have a relationship with all of them?
Yes but my parents live in another state and my IL live 6 hours away. We do our best to see them and try to fill in the gaps with Skype sessions.
3. Have they ever lost a grandparent?
No but my dad is living with Alzheimer's. We lose a little bit of him every time we visit. Ds doesn't really understand yet. I have been telling that ds that grandpa might not always remember everything but he will always love ds.

joyfullyfound · May 2013

Hizzo, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad I hope he gets much longer than expected, and that his passing is easy and peaceful. Big hugs to you, lady.

1. Do your kids have all their grandparents? Yes, and they all live within 30 minutes of our home.

2. Do they have a relationship with all of them? Absolutely. She sees all of them about twice a week... sometimes more, sometimes less.

3. Have they ever lost a grandparent? Not yet... My parents are in their 50's, and DH's are in their later 60's, so hopefully we have awhile... though FIL's health is getting fairly poor.

I lost my first grandparent, my maternal grandfather, when I was about 7, I think. I have really terrible memories of seeing him the last few times - he was covered with tubes and sores, and pumped full of painkillers that prevented him from being lucid or aware of our presence. Uggghh. I'd be careful what you expose your kiddos to at the end... although I understand there's a fine line, and also a need to allow them (and your dad) to say goodbye. Just be aware. I also didn't find that because I was missing one grandpa, I wanted more time... or valued my time more, with my remaining grandpa. They were very different people...

jnksmom · May 2013

I am so sorry you are going through that.

1. Yes they are all still living. Both sets of my grandparents and one set of H's grandparents are living as well.

2. They are very close with my parents and have a good relationship with MIL. They do not have a relationship or even know who FIL and his wife are. H does not have a relationship with them either. They also have a relationship with all of their great grandparents.

3. No

4. N/A

roxy_jj · May 2013

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad.

1. Do your kids have all their grandparents? Yes

2. Do they have a relationship with all of them? Yes

3. Have they ever lost a grandparent? No

4. If so, did you make a point to foster more of a relationship with the remaining same-sex grandparent? N/A

Tally06 · May 2013

I am so sorry about your dad. I can't imagine. This must be an incredibly difficult time for you. I hope that you and your family can find peace in his decision.

1. Do your kids have all their grandparents? Yes.

2. Do they have a relationship with all of them? Yes. DS sees my mom and H's mom and step-dad multiple times per week. DS sees my dad about once every two weeks and H's dad less frequently.

3. Have they ever lost a grandparent? No.

4. If so, did you make a point to foster more of a relationship with the remaining same-sex grandparent? I wouldn't say we make an effort to foster a relationship with any particular sex of grandparent. Our approach is that the more grandparent interaction for our kids the better so we have an open door policy at our house. It's up to them to take advantage of it. We come to pretty much everything we are invited to as well and visit our moms houses frequently. Our parents are welcome to drop in and stop by as often as they wish. We pretty much have someone here 5 out of 7 days per week and it's great. Our dads don't take advantage of it as much as our moms and H's step-dad.

gracefulruby33 · May 2013

I am so sorry you are going through this, OP.

1. Do your kids have all their grandparents? Yes

2. Do they have a relationship with all of them? Yes. My parents live five minutes away. My dad commutes out of state for his job but returns home every weekend, so DD sees him almost every weekend. My ILs live 25 minutes away.

3. Have they ever lost a grandparent? Nope. She is lucky. I never knew either of my grandpas and SO wish I had met them.

4. If so, did you make a point to foster more of a relationship with the remaining same-sex grandparent?

laurenmae1228 · May 2013

I'm so sorry.

1. No. DS has 3. DH lost his dad when DH was 25. I never got to meet him, so obviously, neither did DS.

2. They have an incredible relationship with my parents; we see them 1-2 times a week. My dad is wild about DS, as my dad had 2 girls, and is dying for a boy to go fishing with, etc. He recently took DS to his first baseball game; they had so much fun! MIL is another story. We dont see her much. Oddly enough, we are extremely close to HER mother though; she is DS's only remaining great-grandparent, and we see her at least once a week. In fact, we're selling our house and going to move in with her soon to try to repair our finances.

3. No- but DS did lose his great-grandparent (DH's maternal grandpa) last year, when DS was 4 months old.

4. No need to. My dad is wild about DS anyway. He's an awesome PopPop; hopefully he'll make up for DS missing another.

mulrooney · May 2013

I am so sorry you are going thru this. I lost my dad 5 weeks ago to prostate cancer. It sucks beyond belief.

My girls (6 & 3.5) love my dad so much and he was their "best" grandparent. He lived a few states away so not super frequent visits, but more than other grandparents. He was a huge personality & presence in their lives. He was sick for a long time but, per his wishes, we only told them shortly before his passing. They had a chance to visit one last time before he got too sick and they attended his memorial service. They did great.

They love & are close to my FIL. My in laws have been supportive and we are making sure they get lots of contact with them and my step mom. We also talk about my dad all the time. Breaks my heart but we need to keep those memories alive. They miss him and it is awful helping them thru this but they are also helping me not fall apart because they need me.

My unsolicited advice - focus on your dad and their relationship with him while you can. Make the memories, spend time, put the priority there. The very end is not easy or pretty so do what you can with your dad & kids while he is up for it. If your FIL is awesome like you say, he should be able to respectfully wait in the wings and support you all and will be there when you & the kids need him. There will be more time with him later but for now focus your energy on time with your dad for all of you.

Again - I'm so sorry you are going thru this too. Cancer *** sucks

PM me if you want to talk more.

notkateanymore · May 2013

Mrs.Hizzo:
First off, I'm so sorry about your father. I know it's hard to go through all the emotions of his decision. Something similar happen with DH's mother.
1. Do your kids have all their grandparents? Well, she has 4, but one of them is FIL's new wife, he is widowed. MIL died when DD was 9 months old from leukemia.
2. Do they have a relationship with all of them? Yes, she's very close to my parents and my FIL. She loves FIL's wife, but they don't have a relationship outside of FIL.
3. Have they ever lost a grandparent? See above.
4. If so, did you make a point to foster more of a relationship with the remaining same-sex grandparent? Not sure I get what you're asking. I'm tired.
ETA- I get #4 now after reading other responses. LOL DD is naturally closer to my mother since she's the only grandmother. Girls tend to be closer to their grandmothers than grandfathers, so it just worked out that way I think. She's actually closest to my aunt, but please don't tell my mom.

mandymack · May 2013

I'm so sorry to read this. Cancer has taken so many of my family members.

1. Do your kids have all their grandparents? No. Only my parents.

2. Do they have a relationship with all of them? No. Only my mother.

3. Have they ever lost a grandparent? Yes. My in-laws are both deceased. My father in law died when DH was in college (we didn't even know each other) and my mother in law died when my first born was only 5 months old.

4. If so, did you make a point to foster more of a relationship with the remaining same-sex grandparent? My father isn't a regular in my life. My mother and my younger sister is the only family my kids and my husband & I have. We spend every vacation opportunity with them.

karen_loy · May 2013

1. Do your kids have all their grandparents? No

2. Do they have a relationship with all of them? Yes

3. Have they ever lost a grandparent? No

4. If so, did you make a point to foster more of a relationship with the remaining same-sex grandparent? __

Cherryblossoms07 · May 2013

1. Yes
2. No, they don't have a real good relationship with them. Both sets live at least 16 hours away, one way. My parents try to maintain a relationship with the kids but it is tough only seeing them a few days a year. DH'S parents don't try nearly as much. They send Christmas and birthday presents that is about it. Both ILs have only ever seen the kids once.
3. No
4. N/A

tantdylf · May 2013

So sorry about your dad!!

Mrs.Hizzo:

1. Do your kids have all their grandparents? yes

2. Do they have a relationship with all of them? no. My MIL and FIL come to see him every couple weeks my mom is around weekly or more often. My dad and his wife come every few months. He recognizes mil and FIL and my mom but not my dad or his wife.

3. Have they ever lost a grandparent? No

4. If so, did you make a point to foster more of a relationship with the remaining samesex grandparent?nbsp;

Stacyc625 · May 2013

1. Do your kids have all their grandparents? 3 out of 4 2. Do they have a relationship with all of them? my parents are in the same state- my FIL lives in Maine- but skypes with the kids routinely which is AWESOME 3. Have they ever lost a grandparent? - DH lost his mother when he was 21 from breast cancer. Our daughter is named after her. 4. If so, did you make a point to foster more of a relationship with the remaining same-sex grandparent? -Not really- just how it rolled. both of my parents are very active with the kids

Andrewsgal · May 2013

Oh hizzo I am so sorry.

Mrs.Hizzo:
1. Do your kids have all their grandparents?yes 5 of them (DH) is from a blended family)
2. Do they have a relationship with all of them?no. The have a good relationship with my parents, and FIL and Step-MIL they don't really have a relationship with MIL we maybe see her once a year,
3. Have they ever lost a grandparent?no
4. If so, did you make a point to foster more of a relationship with the remaining same-sex grandparent?N/A

EnglishMajor03 · May 2013

Mrs.Hizzo:
Ugh, Hizzo I"m so sorry. I will be thinking of you and your family.
1. Do your kids have all their grandparents? No. My mom passed, and H's dad passed.
2. Do they have a relationship with all of them? Yes. More so with my father who lives closer.
3. Have they ever lost a grandparent? Not since they've been born. My grandmother is 90 so I expect we'll have to go through a wake/funeral sooner rather than later. But, I talk about death a lot because of my mom. We go to the cemetery...I've answered their questions as it's come up.
4. If so, did you make a point to foster more of a relationship with the remaining same-sex grandparent? No. I make sure the kids are polite and kind to their grandparents but the grandparent dictates the relationship as far as I'm concerned.

jenniann87 · May 2013

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this.

1. Do your kids have all their grandparents? Yes. DS has 3 Grandmas, 3 Grandpas (DH's parents are divorced and remarried) and 2 Great Grandmas.

2. Do they have a relationship with all of them? DS really only has a relationship with my parents and MIL/SFIL. He sees my parents a couple times every week. DS and my dad are BFF's and he is such a Grammas boy with my mom. We see MIL and SFIL about once a week or every couple weeks. He knows who they are but doesn't necessarily have an attachment with either one. As for FIL/SMIL they have only seen DS less than a handful of times since he was born. Its not bc of distance as they live literally 5 minutes away and DH tries repeatedly to get his dad to do things with us. But they are just full of excuses and always have one. DS wouldn't know either of them if he seen them. The Great Grammas we seen a few times a year. One of them (SFIL's mom) lives in Wisconsin and makes a few visits a year. And my dads mom is here in town but she isn't in the greatest health and has severe dementia and cant remember a lot of things and it is my choice that DS not be around that.

3. Have they ever lost a grandparent? No.