Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

Help with re-establishing the relationship?

Ok so my daughters father has been...well lets just say slacking in the spending time with his daughter area. Mainly due to all the drama that started with his and I's relationship, he saw his daughter (after being there 100% for the first 3 months) maybe 14 times since we first broke up. Now she's 20 months old and now that everything has finally smoothed out he's coming around more often. He told me it hurt to much to see her before when things were bad between us and he didn't want her to see us arguing. Now that shes more active and until you've been around her for at least 45 minutes she's very shy. He's afraid that she doesn't remember him. I keep trying to reassure him that she knows and she warms up to him fairly quickly to the point that she will call him daddy and point to him when people ask where he is or even sit on the couch with him and eat yogurt. But he's still not convinced...any help?
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Re: Help with re-establishing the relationship?

  • There's not much you can do to reassure him, but you could show your DD a picture of her daddy every day.  Skype or Facetime is also a useful tool.  I facetime my parents once a week, and DS warms up to them after only 5 minutes because he remembers them.  He's shyer around DH's parents because we don't video chat with them often.
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  • I don't mean this to sound insensitive, but it sounds like the issue is with his perception/expectation, and not with you or DD. If he acts like he expects her not to remember him and doesn't believe you about her shyness, then that's something HE needs to fix in himself. Children respond to the way we react to them, so if HE acts hesitantly towards her (like he expects her not to remember him), she'll be more likely to act hesitant around him.

    DH is military and has missed quite a bit of DS's life, most recently a 2 month separation when DS was 16-17-18ish months. I just made sure to show DS pictures, talk about Daddy, sound excited about Daddy, and then I let DH handle basic tasks (like meals, reading time, playing outside) when he got back. I would completely step away to do other stuff around the house and just let DH figure things out.

    There are also some specific things that DH always does when he is home, like do the bedtime stories. So maybe if DD's dad could figure out something that's special just for them, it would help him feel a stronger bond.

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  • I think the PPs had good suggestions, but if I can be honest, I think it is your DD's father's responsibility to make the effort to be around more for your DD. Just encourage him to come around more because it's what's best for her.
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