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LGBT Parenting
mom2david
member
NBR, question about coming out
mom2david
member
Hi!
Let start this by saying I am straight and it no way mean to offend anyone. I am looking for advice about how to handle a situation but don't really have anyone to ask and am not sure of the correct etiquette. Here we go:
For a while I have wondered whether or not my cousin was a lesbian. Lately she has posted lots of things on Facebook with one girl. There was what looked like a romantic dinner, a day at a painting class/ bar, etc. My cousin is not "out" to anyone in the extended family.
My concern is that this is her way of outting herself and if it is I want to her to know I am behind her 100%. I would totally support her being out, dating/ marrying this girl (or any one who treated her well for that matter), and would love to get to know the person she is with. I don't want to ignore it if she is trying to tell the world she's a lesbian but I don't want to congratulate her if she's not either. Normally I wouldn't question things so deeply but I know she was harassed at her previous because her coworkers thought she was gay and not very nice about it.
What should I do? Do I ask? Do I wait for a more formal announcement? If the Facebook tags were with a guy, I would probably just ask if he was the new boyfriend but being a girl I feel like it's more personal. Her mother and I are close, and my cousin and I have become closer as we've gotten older but haven't really talked about her love life.
Thanks for the replies. I hope I haven't offended anyone. I really trying to do what is right and be supportive,
BFP #1: 2/21/09 d&c @ 8w5d
BFP #2: 6/20/09 mc @ 9w1d
BFP #3: DS born 10/23/10
BFP #4: DS2 born 3/19/12
This discussion has been closed.
Re: NBR, question about coming out
I don't see how this is offensive.
If you are getting closer I would just start a conversation asking what is new...I might ask if she is seeing anyone...
Another thing you could do is make sure she understands your stance on homosexuality...that might make things a little easier for her.
Married to M and proud mothers to Olivia and Elise (8/19/2014) and to our fur-babies: Capone (pitbull), Jax and Atticus (cats)
Not sure if this is something you can apply to your situation but.....
My younger sister who is also gay (and in her mid twenties) never "came out" to our family. I did, bc it felt like something I needed to do, like I was supposed to have this process to tell my family about my lifestyle. My little sis never felt this same pressure. Maybe it is just the younger generation. She also posted things on FB that were fairly vague. She doesn't see the need to come out to anyone (our parents included). She did eventually post that she was "in a relationship" with her girlfriend once she was in a serious relationship. I am still not sure who all in our extended family has looked at her FB page and realized that she is gay. It wouldn't bother her if someone asked, but she just doesn't think it is a big deal or needs to be talked about.
That being said, I KNOW my sister is gay, where as you are just assuming or questioning your cousin's sexuality. I think when people are ready for others to know they will say or do something that you will know for sure one way or the other.... like put up their relationship status on FB or bring the girl to a family gathering. I would be hesitant to pry too much if she isn't ready to talk to family about it. Maybe you could put something on your FB that supports gay rights, since that is big in the media right now. That might help her feel comfortable when she is ready or wanting to let family know about the special person in her life.
Baby Oliver born 11/27/13
TTC stats with donor sperm...
IUI #1 with trigger, 1/4/13 - BFN
IUI #2 with trigger, 2/1/13 BFN
IUI #3 with tigger, 2/28/12 BFP EDD 11/21/13
Thank you for the replies. Both are helpful.
@shelly2314, I think I was worried people would think I was being rude or seem like I was prying into her personal life. I think with anyone's sexuality one must thread lightly and without being in a lesbian myself and only one other homosexual cousin (that I know of) I try to be cautious, maybe overly so.
I did recently post something about my support for marriage equality. The other day I had a dream I was fighting the Constitutionality of same sex marriage and won, so it became legal everywhere! I posted that to Facebook, she did not reply or "like" it.
In my opinion, coming out is a big deal and if someone does come out, they should be congratulated. I just want to be sure I'm handling the situation appropriately. I didn't her to feel I was ignoring something that could be a really important thing to her.
NO worries. I understand that. If it is truly REALLY important to her she will say something. People have different levels of what is considered "important" or even worthy of an announcement. I am not a "wave a flag, send out announcements kind of girl" but I do introduce my wife as such and do not dodge questions b/c it is a natural thing to me. Mostly it will depend on the level of comfortability and closeness in your relationship. I had family members that I was extremely close to ask me. I didn't not get offended, it actually made things easier for me b/c I didn't have to find an awkward way to bring it up, nor did I have to worry about facing the negativity that might follow. But I have also had people that just wanted to know, and I did not feel my personal life was any of their business.
I hope it all works out for you
Married to M and proud mothers to Olivia and Elise (8/19/2014) and to our fur-babies: Capone (pitbull), Jax and Atticus (cats)