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Blended Families
fellesferie
member
Just (very) annoyed
fellesferie
member
We're taking the crazies to Disney for a week in October. I let XH know about 8 months ago that we'd take fall break 2013 and would be going to Orlando for the week. The kids know we're going to Disney but not when we're going. Last week DS mentioned something to XH about how we're going to Disney.
XH had previously asked for a week in the latter half of the summer so DS could fly (w/ xILs) to CA. DS has been out there 3 times so far and every time they go to Knotts Berry Farm, Legoland, Disneyland, etc.
Well, right after DS gets off the phone, XH emails me asking if he can have DS for a week in June. He wants to come to where we live in TN and fly w/ DS to Florida. This is also normal as xILs live in north Florida and XH can't/won't take parenting time by himself. I said that was fine.
Then XH emails me last night. Now he has booked his flights out of Nashville (2 hours away). Now he's flying into Orlando rather than Tallahassee and he's taking DS to Disneyworld.
He says that he wants to reward DS for working so hard in school this year.
I'm only vaguely irritated that now I have to drive to Nashville when that's not what I initially agreed to. I'm only maybe a tiny bit more irritated that he's going WAY out of his way to get DS to Disney before we go.
What really pisses me off is that he hasn't seen the child since March. He has barely acknowledged my emails about DS struggling in school. He has flat out refused to have DS to ANY schoolwork on his time--he won't even have the child read (he says they 'don't have time'). He has absolutely no clue how hard DS worked or what he did. He has not been in near daily communication with the teacher. He has not printed worksheets. He did not sit in a meeting with the principal.
Yet he wants to reward DS for his hard work.
I'm not going to say anything other than "have a good time."
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Re: Just (very) annoyed
To me it sounds like he just wants to take the kiddo to Disneyworld before you have a chance to. So when you take him its a "been there done that" expirience. His excuse for taking him.. working hard in school...
I'm pretty pissed. I'm an emotional eater and I ate 3 pieces of pizza last night. If there were any brownies or cookies in the house, I'd be f*cked.
Completely agree with this. You have every right to be annoyed but just remember that memories are important because of who you are with and not necessarily what you are doing. It sucks that XH is being an a but unfortunately you can't change that.
That sort of thing makes me sooo mad. Exh here goes so far as to tell the girls, when he takes them somewhere we have planned to go but he takes them first, that he can spend more money on them than Mommy can. And he does indeed. He also is three years in CS arrears and technically was due to be arrested last Fall...but I digress.
The whole competitive thing makes me so so so frustrated. It amps the kids up and really, really sends the wrong message.
I'm sorry that stinks.
We didn't tell BM or BD where we were going when we went to Disney. BD was told we were going to FL. BM was told we were going out of state and would let her know once we were there. We aren't required to even disclose if we take the kids out of state but we prefer to do so on long trips.
BM had the opportunity to take my SKs the year before when they were in Orlando and they went to Universal Studios instead.
ugh that is the pits. I would be so poed. It is esp frustrating bc there is nothing you can do about it but be annoyed.
I always reserve my vacation time in advance, but I never tell exh where we are going until I have to. My CO says 4 weeks out. So then he can't pull something like that. Maybe you can delay informing him where you are going next time?
I agree w pper you will just have to play up how lucky he is, but boy your bd is a piece of work.
The Disney part is easy enough to fix. Focus on the parts of the park that your son did not go to.
As for the Ex taking credit...my poor DH just went through this wtih SD. The minute DH got residential/physical custody of SD, BM went hands off for everything.
She never paid child support (in the calculations, DH had to pay $20 more for SS than BM had to pay for SD). She never provided SD more than obligatory christmas and birthday presents. She did not pay for a single cent of SD's college education (from tuition to room and board to sundries). In fact she stole/lost SD's $16,000 inheritance that was to be used for SD's college.
And when SD graduated from her undergrad, she did not go to the commencement (we could not go because we were in Germany and DH was on call for something super-secret at the time), nor did she provide a graduation gift.
BM provided NO support when SD wanted to go into Grad School. Infact she tried to talk SD out of it.
So color us surprised when BM not only came to SD's graduation (decided after we let SD know we were coming) but actually had the audacity to complain that we were going to stay with SD.
See, even though BM lives less than 90 min away and we are 5 hours away, she thought she should be the one to stay with SD.
DH put his foot down on that one. And had a long conversation with SD about his feelings after that.
You bring up some good points. The whole taking credit thing is exactly what's upsetting me.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
This, especially the bold. When I fill BD in on DS's accomplishments (potty trained, count to 10, etc) he always tries to tell me that DS has been doing that with him for months. Yeah nice try azz. Sorry, I was close to hijacking....yeah it sucks but at least its not the same one (FL vs CA) so it won't be exactly the same...I guess
Do what I did... We planned to take SS to Disney for the first time when he was 5 yo, we were recently married and it was our first family vacation. His BM decided to take him exactly 3 weeks after us (decided this AFTER we told her our plans). So, what did I do? I made sure to take a lot of pictures and created a beautiful photobook on Shutterfly... he has vague memories of his copycat trip and a beautiful 12x12" photobook of his trip with us that will keep his memories alive forever and he will cherish all his life.
It worked! Every time he walks by our photobook shelf he pulls it out and we relive every single moment.
That stuff is so annoying. I'm sure it's hard not to get upset but he literally is just a fun time person. He has to know in his heart he's a terrible father
This!
Disney is a LOT more fun when you plan the trip out. There are so many awesome things you can do.....if you plan it in advance. Breakfast with Mickey is my kids' favorite thing - much more so than the rides!
Let your ex have his trip - - if he is going in the summer it will be hot and crowded with long lines and difficult to enjoy any of the extras. Again, something you can plan around (by going early, getting a fastpass, making reservations), but something your ex will probably not bother with.
Also, if your ex has a habit of doing this......I would start being vague with plans for him. You dont need to say "Disney" instead you can say "Florida" etc.
Just as a point of clarification, I didn't tell XH we were going to Disney. Months ago I sent him an email saying that we wanted all of fall break 2013 so that we could take the kids to Orlando (I might have said FL; I'm too lazy to check).
We told the kids we were going to Disney. DS told XH.
Which I guess means we have to keep things from the kids.
But in any case, I'm sure our trip will be pretty different than whatever XH has planned. We're just two different people, and my style doesn't even vaguely resemble XH's.
It just blows my mind that he's rewarding something he had no role in.
Sucks like you say, but keeping it a surprise until the last minute is probably the best way to keep it from XH in the future.
If someone told me they were going to Orlando, I would assume they would visit at least one of the major parks. And I would keep things from DS for longer, personally.
Your XH is a douche. I'm sorry
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Sounds exactly like something my XH would do. The kids catch on when they get older! Mine know their dad is trying to buy their love with stuff, and also know he's in arrears with child support. They see DH and I supporting them on a daily basis, helping them with problems and just generally spending time with them and in the long run that has a much bigger influence than one trip to a theme park.
And as for taking credit for something he didn't have a role in, that is my biggest pet peeve. It would go a long way if they respected the time and energy that we put forth with our kids instead of acting like they had anything to do with the kids accomplishments. I know my XH is completely delusional when it comes to his part in what the kids do!