Moms of ASD kids with social issues

Re: Moms of ASD kids with social issues

• lite-bright member

  May 2013

  My DD1 has ASD. She tested in the normal range of cognition but has a speech delay; social skills are really where her deficits are. 

  Her eye contact didn't really become an issue until close to three. It's spotty now. She doesn't really seem to avoid it so much as she just doesn't seem aware that she should be doing it -- like she'll talk to someone behind her or off to the side or as she's walking out of a room without shifting her attention appropriately.  Adults tend to assume she's shy or just being a kid/not paying attention, and they accommodate her a lot without realizing how much. 

  She's interested in other kids, and always has been -- but doesn't really get them. As an infant/toddler she tended to be reserved and more of an observer -- which can mean shyness in some kids and early social deficits in others. Like, all the kids in her toddler class would be racing cars and she'd be off by herself tossing leaves into the air. This year one of the things that was a major goal for her was working on how to join others in play, and she's done awfully well with that. She has a hard time sustaining a conversation and tends to throw random or meaningless (to others) stuff in after a few turns. She likes greetings/farewells/thank yous because she "gets" those interactions and they're predictable. She likes giving compliments because she can count on positive reactions. Abstract concepts are really tough for her to express/draw/process. (Although today she did ask "Who is God?" lol)

  Her language is ... quirky. She tends to talk sideways or indirectly (like instead of saying DD2's name, she might say "the girl who is my sister").  

  She's a sweet, flexible little girl who takes just about everything in stride and learns fast when given the opportunity -- but I see a huge difference between what my NT 3-YO picks up like breathing, and how hard DD1 has to work and still not quite come off as naturally. Like, she has no concept of there being a "line" with teasing or joking around -- she does it knowing she's going to get a reaction, but I have to tell her over and over to quit because she crosses the line to making her sister upset/crying and doesn't know how/when to back off, when something isn't funny anymore. 

  Even with those issues, though, she and DD2 play a ton and I can see how much of a difference it has made to have that built-in playmate and those constant negotiations and push-back from another little person.  

  Her memory is flat-out amazing. She does fine in class, talks to other kids, etc. but she's kind of hard for them to understand, and more than anything they seem to just kind of shrug and seem a little bewildered by her. Not mean or anything (at least not yet), just mystified. 

  
  
  DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010

  Report0 Reply
• Loading the player...
• hopanka member

  May 2013

  DS's IEP is full of social goals, as that is the majority of his issues. He does great academically. He is that kind of a kid that will never fight for his spot, will always let everyone go before him and doesn't speak up for himself. He does care deeply that injustice was done at times, though, but without help will not stand up for himself. This has always been the case, ever since toddlerhood when other kids at the playground innately learn how to be pushy and grabbed toys out of other kids' hands. DS was always left dumbfounded, as in what the he'll just happened that my ducky was taken right out of my hands. He never wants to makes waves about anything, so one goal on his IEP is that in case of a conflict with a peer, DS will negotiate a solution, and if not possible, he will ask an adult in charge for help. He is also extremely compliant and polite. Rules in the classroom are his thing. He doesn't request that others follow them, but he quietly mentions later that it bothers him when children do not listen to the teacher. He has always been teacher's dream child. He does what he is told and loves it when he knows exactly what is expected of him. He loves structure, so naturally recess and lunch break are the toughest times for him and that is where he needs the most support. In his natural environment, he is very funny, outgoing and honestly, I love hanging out with my kid. He is incredibly easy for me to parent, he doesn't mis-behave often and is very sweet and affectionate. In public, especially around kids, you can tell social anxiety makes him quirky and somewhat awkward when interacting or trying to interact.

  Report0 Reply
• august06mom member

  May 2013

  Thank you everyone for sharing. It's very useful to learn how other people have navigated these early years.

  

  Report0 Reply
• trish0280

  June 2013

  My little girl has autism and she sounds a lot like the other two mentioned above. She was an easy baby. If we said "no" to something that was it. But we always felt something was off with her. Primarily her speech was significantly delayed and still is she's 4. She is a perfect child when she knows what is expected of her. Like at school and home, but she has inappropriate behaviors in other situations. Like she is easily excitable. She laughs inappropriately or just runs around in circles. She just finished her second year of preschool in an ASD classroom and we have been amazed at the changes in her. She follows directions so much better and is learning more appropriate social interaction. I see it at home with her 16 month old sister. But the person who talked about not understanding boundaries was right. That and inappropriate play are her biggest struggles. She doesn't understand sharing or taking turns like a lot of 4 year olds. But having a sib definitely forces her to learn those things. I will say she is by far the sweetest little girl I know. She is sensitive and a joy to parent even with her struggles. It's hard at the beginning, and likely always, but it is totally amazing how they learn the small things and how excited the whole family gets! Good luck!

  Report0 Reply