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BFF Help (long)

AngLK987AngLK987 member
in October 2011 Moms


 Back story is that my BFF's pretty limited in what she can handle due to a whole set of crappy medical circumstances, the biggest one is fibromyalsia, which causes her to have really painful bad days where she gets migraines and all sorts of crappy stuff.   She's got 2 girls, one is almost 3, the other is almost 6. She used to babysit for us a lot when Layla was smaller, but then it just got to be too much to handle so we found one of MH's aunts who could watch her instead because there were a few things we didn't like about how BFF was 'watching' Layla.  She has a very different parenting syle than us, mostly because her girls are a bit more independent and older... I'm not usually too uptight about stuff and know that L is okay with her but don't want to put any extra stress on BFF, but I also want to know that someone is watching her 24/7.  (One incident is that MIL picked then 6M.0. DD up from BFF's house and found DD sitting on the couch while BFF's DD's jumped up and down beside her nearly knocking her off the couch onto the hardwood floor, and BFF wasn't even in the room).  

 Last month DH's aunt had her knee replaced and is unable to babysit until the doctor clears her to lift more than 5lbs (which is about a month away yet), so one day a week we've been in a pickle because MH works a swing shift he's home most of the time, but he and I both work the same shift on Tuesdays and often need a sitter if MIL doesn't have the day off.  Already I've lost 1/2 a day of work, and MH has lost a day because we couldn't find anyone.  

 Today because MIL could watch her in the morning I decided to ask BFF to watch L from 11-4:30.  She took her for a ride with her DD in the car, nbd, but the girls fell asleep and BFF decided to allow her uncle (that I've only met a couple times) drive the girls around during their nap while she got her hair done.  

My issue is that  I probably would have been fine with it if she had told me that she had the appointment and that her uncle would watch the girls during it at the salon, but she didn't even mention it until I commented on her hair.  It bugs me that without my knowledge she allowed her uncle to be in charge of my daughter and drive her around.  I mean she's fine, and nothing would have happened, and I don't distrust her uncle, but it's just the fact that she didn't tell me and didn't seem like she was going to tell me that bothers me.  I talked about it to MH and it bothers him too.  

Sooo... what should I do? Just never allow BFF to watch DD again?  Tell BFF why I'm upset? Let it go because I'm an uptight and have my panties too bunched?  I don't really know how to say something to her because I don't want to upset her, but at the same time I want her to know that's not really okay.  I'd love some advice!

  
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Re: BFF Help (long)

  • cantalopes24cantalopes24 member
    I'm not trying to be mean but you get what you pay for. She was doing you a favor so you're kind of stuck in that your choices are to take off work or get over it. I'd be totally pissed but if she generally has good judgement and it was a strong friendship I'd probably just ask her that she call me and give me a heads up about someone else driving your kid since you're in a bind.
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  • AngLK987AngLK987 member

    imagecantalopes24:
    I'm not trying to be mean but you get what you pay for. She was doing you a favor so you're kind of stuck in that your choices are to take off work or get over it. I'd be totally pissed but if she generally has good judgement and it was a strong friendship I'd probably just ask her that she call me and give me a heads up about someone else driving your kid since you're in a bind.

    Thanks, I KWYM, I was in a pinch, and she was doing me a favor, I've agreed to trade and watch her girls Saturday so She & HH can go on a date... I however won't be letting any long lost uncles take them for joyrides while they're gone  Stick out tongue

      
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  • missyisheremissyishere member
    I wouldn't be comfortable with it either. Someone else to take over for her, with your knowledge, at her home is one thing; but placing your child in the care of someone else while driving would be a big deal for me.

    I would definitely know your BFF why you're upset. Whether she's paid or not, she agreed to be the one to watch your child, not her uncle.

    Also, if the kids hadn't fallen asleep in the car, had she planned on taking them to her hair appointment?


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  • pennysuedogpennysuedog

    imagecantalopes24:
    I'm not trying to be mean but you get what you pay for. She was doing you a favor so you're kind of stuck in that your choices are to take off work or get over it. I'd be totally pissed but if she generally has good judgement and it was a strong friendship I'd probably just ask her that she call me and give me a heads up about someone else driving your kid since you're in a bind.

    This.  I think I would just ask what her agenda is for the day when you drop off L.  That way she has an opportunity to tell you.  If she trusts her own DD with her uncle I'm sure she just didn't think you would mind either.

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  • cantalopes24cantalopes24 member
    imageAngLK987:

    imagecantalopes24:
    I'm not trying to be mean but you get what you pay for. She was doing you a favor so you're kind of stuck in that your choices are to take off work or get over it. I'd be totally pissed but if she generally has good judgement and it was a strong friendship I'd probably just ask her that she call me and give me a heads up about someone else driving your kid since you're in a bind.

    Thanks, I KWYM, I was in a pinch, and she was doing me a favor, I've agreed to trade and watch her girls Saturday so She & HH can go on a date... I however won't be letting any long lost uncles take them for joyrides while they're gone  Stick out tongue



    Lol! I totally understand you being upset but I also hate fighting with my friends so I'd probably make a crappy comment to her face along the lines of what you just said and not ask her to babysit if you can afford the time off.
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  • Ms.JadeMs.Jade member
    I didn't read the other responses, but I would let this go and just never use her as a sitter again. No good will come of bringing it up. It's not like she's going to say, "Yeah I guess I should have called you before I gave your baby to a relative you barely know. Oopsie!" You knew she was a risk, you took it, you lost, you move on. I hope you find someone to watch you little sweetie soon!
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  • AngLK987AngLK987 member

    imagemissyishere:
    I wouldn't be comfortable with it either. Someone else to take over for her, with your knowledge, at her home is one thing; but placing your child in the care of someone else while driving would be a big deal for me. I would definitely know your BFF why you're upset. Whether she's paid or not, she agreed to be the one to watch your child, not her uncle. Also, if the kids hadn't fallen asleep in the car, had she planned on taking them to her hair appointment?

     

    I don't know, I didn't know she had an appointment... I assume she would have brought him along to help her "contain" them at the small salon, the hairdresser is his daughter, I know he paid for her haircut. 

      
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  • AngLK987AngLK987 member
    imagepennysuedog:

    imagecantalopes24:
    I'm not trying to be mean but you get what you pay for. She was doing you a favor so you're kind of stuck in that your choices are to take off work or get over it. I'd be totally pissed but if she generally has good judgement and it was a strong friendship I'd probably just ask her that she call me and give me a heads up about someone else driving your kid since you're in a bind.

    This.  I think I would just ask what her agenda is for the day when you drop off L.  That way she has an opportunity to tell you.  If she trusts her own DD with her uncle I'm sure she just didn't think you would mind either.

     

    I don't think it was malicious or anything, I just can't imagine not telling her if something like that came up and I had her kids, although he watches her daughter often. I am just going to let it go and next time, if there is a next time, get a more detailed plan for where she's going and who may be watching my kid. 

      
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  • AngLK987AngLK987 member

    imageMs.Jade:
    I didn't read the other responses, but I would let this go and just never use her as a sitter again. No good will come of bringing it up. It's not like she's going to say, "Yeah I guess I should have called you before I gave your baby to a relative you barely know. Oopsie!" You knew she was a risk, you took it, you lost, you move on. I hope you find someone to watch you little sweetie soon!

    Good point! My MIL is retiring soon (this fall maybe sooner) so we won't have this issue... now if I can get thru the next month! 

      
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