needing help — The Bump
Blended Families

needing help

Okay, this is a first for me, but I don't know what else to do. I'm sorry for the length, but I need to get this off my chest. I am in the best relationship of my life. My fianc and I have three beautiful girls, two shared and one from my fianc's previous marriage. We are always worried about his daughter when she is not with us, right now we have 60 custody. 4 days on and 3 days off.
We know that there has been something going on with my fianc's Ex, she has just been very stand offish, and doesn't really let me know what's going on with B when I pick her up. We received a call for my fianc's Ex Motherinlaw this morning at 1am. Our first thought was something is wrong with B, turns out that his Ex and her new baby daddy had a huge blow out! She took the kids and was going to go to her mom's house but never showed. Only texting her hours later telling her to but out of her life. Then her baby daddy texts her mom calling her all these names, and telling her that he is going to take her grand babies away from her, and she has no right to see 'his' children. Though B is not his bio daughter. This really upset me, though she is my fianc's ex mother in law she doesn't deserve this. But she opened up to us this morning telling us that his Ex's new BF constantly tares her down in front of the children, calling her fat and ugly, always talking about other women with her and the babies in the room.
I don't want to take B away from her mom, but I don't feel that she should be in this kind of environment when she's not home with us. Is there anything I could do to help the situation? It brakes my heart when B comes home and tells me that she crys a lot at her mom's house cause ' M dad slams the doors, and yells real loud'... I don't believe a 2 and a half year old should be witnessing this kind of verbal abuse... My fiance was up all night trying to figure out what he can do. Is there anything we can do, other than document? I have documented EVERYTHING for the past two years I have been with my fiance but I don't know if it would be enough to do anything for our poor girl... Please help.

Re: needing help

  • First what a little pot stirrer your ex mil is. Stay far away from that drama.

    As for the slamming doors and the fighting nothing here is enough to take a baby, a two year old is a baby, from their mother. You may want to have a discussion with Bm about what you're hearing in a very non confrontational way but you cannot regulate the behavior of adults

    As for ex MIL, send her calls to voicemail from here on out. Nothing good will come from getting involved with that. If she will turn on her own daughter and "tattle" on her guess what she will do to you the first chance she gets
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  • image Nineoceans:
    First what a little pot stirrer your ex mil is. Stay far away from that drama.

    As for the slamming doors and the fighting nothing here is enough to take a baby, a two year old is a baby, from their mother. You may want to have a discussion with Bm about what you're hearing in a very non confrontational way but you cannot regulate the behavior of adults

    As for ex MIL, send her calls to voicemail from here on out. Nothing good will come from getting involved with that. If she will turn on her own daughter and "tattle" on her guess what she will do to you the first chance she gets



    This is great advice! I would go with it
  • I second everything nine oceans said. As long as the child is physically being well cared for there is almost nothing you can do about emotional disturbances. And be weary of the ex MIL, if she airs her daughters dirty laundry, who knows what she'll do to you. But I also say keep your relationship civil bc the maternal grandmother is a very keen allie.
  • So he has a two year old, and you guys have two children younger than that together? Am I reading that right? Wow,thats a lot.

    As far as XMIL goes, I will echo PP advice. Don't trust her. It's great she is telling you things you can use, and she might be useful in court later on, but she sounds like a drama llama. She might run back and tell BM stuff about you too, and she could be mad at her daughter at the moment and exaggerating.

    I know its probably heartbreaking to see SD upset about the arguing that is happening at Moms house, but as PP said there isn't much you can do other than provide a stable home when she is with you. Unless abuse or neglect is happening its not really your place anyhow. We all say it here all the time, as frustrating as it is you cannot choose what happens on the other parents time.
  • I agree with all pp's and would definitely be weary of grandmother. She may have been upset.. maybe baby's daddy already called her and she was hurt so wanted to over dramatize

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  • Yes, I was already prego when I met my fiance. But her bio dad has been outta the picture since I found out and signed over his rights. So after our marriage he is going to adopt her, she's 15 mo now, and we also have a 4 mo old. We are very busy. Lol

    Thank you all for the feed back. I'll do my best to stay outta the BM drama. Lol
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