Need Advice

jjdillie · May 2013

I feel like I'm at a crossroads in my life. DS is 4 months old tomorrow and he's been sick for nearly 2 months (since he started DC). He most likely has allergies and asthma, time will tell. I'm a single mom. My family is 3 hours away and I don't have many friends. I haven't seen or heard from most of my friends since DS was born. Seems like the only friend I have left is my coworker and she has been so wonderful and an amazing support. DS's dad isn't any help. He doesn't see DS much and never asks about him. I'm honestly shocked at his behavior but that's another story. So anyway, I've been considering moving closer to my family. It's been weighing on me a lot lately. My parents are retired and would love the opportunity to keep DS while I work. (I know I can't keep him away from everything but DC seems to be taking a toll on his health. We have his 4 month check up today so I am going to discuss options with the doctor.) I have a decent job but no real opportunities for advancement. My company has another facility close to my parents home and I have worked there as well. So it's possible I could transfer or get a different job there. Basically, there's nothing really holding me here except DS's dad. I want him in DS's life but he isn't making much effort and it seems like all we do is fight. I know I'm exhausted right now so I'm not making any decisions. I'm going to see how the summer goes and re-evaluate later. I know I need to do what is best for DS and myself but I just don't know what that is right now. Any advice?

jjdillie · May 2013

2013mommy:
I'm sorry you're going through this. If it were me I would definitely move closer to family. It is so nice being close to my family and it has allowed us not to have to put DS in daycare which is a plus. My only concern would be if you are moving out of state. Custody issues across state lines could put a wrench in your plans if his dad wanted to fight you. However, if you're just 3 hours away in the same state I wouldn't even think twice! If he wants to put in the effort to see his child he can. I hope everything works out ::hugs::

We are already living in different states...we both live on the state lines within an hour of each other. If I moved he would be about 4 hours away.

sbevmc09 · May 2013

mj0011:
I think I would move closer to family for sure.

This. Based on what you've said.

Allison546 · May 2013

I'd absolutely start the process of moving closer to your parents. Sounds like it will be feasible with your job, and you really have to do what's best for you and your DS-- not his father.

OhBaby+2013 · May 2013

amnat84:
If it were me, I'd move closer to my family. You absolutely need a strong support system with a baby and who better than your parents? Sounds like the only things holding you back is the dad. I would be honest and upfront with him and share his thoughts. If he makes a big deal about you leaving, tell him that he needs to be more supportive and be really specific about your expectations. Good luck...I give so many props to single moms.

All of this. Good luck!

mamaof2littles · May 2013

I would try and move closer. We have so much support from our families and dd stays with my dhs parents and I could never thank them enough for that.

aklawrence1 · May 2013

amnat84:
If it were me, I'd move closer to my family. You absolutely need a strong support system with a baby and who better than your parents? Sounds like the only things holding you back is the dad. I would be honest and upfront with him and share his thoughts. If he makes a big deal about you leaving, tell him that he needs to be more supportive and be really specific about your expectations. Good luck...I give so many props to single moms.

I agree with this exactly. You're amazing, and you need some support and backup.

82Sonia · May 2013

I'd move. If you believe that daycare is harming his health, it's time for another solution. Sounds like dad will be as involved whether you're an hour or four hours away.

hansonam446 · May 2013

Family support is amazing! Right now you have to do what is best for you and your son. His dad needs to get on board or not but if you have custody then his care is in your hands. I feel ya though, I had to uproot my life from NC to Ohio after my husband was convicted so I could provide for my son and I. I'm still adjusting almost 5 months later but it was the right move. Single parenting is hard but you'll figure out what's right.

jjdillie · May 2013

82Sonia:
I'd move. If you believe that daycare is harming his health, it's time for another solution. Sounds like dad will be as involved whether you're an hour or four hours away.

I love his DC, I don't think it's really their fault he's been so sick. They can only do so much and I know kids will share germs. I had terrible allergies as a kid. I had to take shots every week for years. I finally outgrew it as an adult, mostly. I just hate seeing him sick and I want to do what is best for him.

Thanks ladies for all your input. I have a hard time asking for help, even from my family. I can't really talk to them about it and get unbiased feedback. They have been wanting me to move for months. I'm going to keep an eye open for jobs at the other facility. Hopefully something good will come open and that will make my decision easier. This is not a conversation I look forward to having with DS's dad.

JJsMum · May 2013

amnat84:
If it were me, I'd move closer to my family. You absolutely need a strong support system with a baby and who better than your parents? Sounds like the only things holding you back is the dad. I would be honest and upfront with him and share his thoughts. If he makes a big deal about you leaving, tell him that he needs to be more supportive and be really specific about your expectations. Good luck...I give so many props to single moms.

I'm with this. We don't currently live close to family because of DH's job. We do okay because we have great friends to help out when needed, but I would give anything to have family (mine or DH's) close by. Hopefully my mom is going to move up close to us in the next few months.

Anyway, if you can make it work with your job, I say go for it. If dad isn't involved (and it doesn't sound like he really is) then you need to get support where you can.

Need Advice

Re: Need Advice

Choose Another Board

Search Boards