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Anyone have experience with a drug addict**Update, DH got served Friday**

es6es6 member
in Blended Families

BG: My name is Erin.  I have been married for 2 1/2 years.  2 years ago, DH filed an emergency motion due to BM's drug use.  A few court dates later(tried supervised visits but her dad would leave her with the kids or let her leave with them, was offered professional center supervised visits but never did it and continued to use drugs), BM gets phone calls twice a week.  In order to file a motion for anything, must be sober for 6 months, show stability by either going to school or working and be able to prove it.  In November she started actually calling when she was supposed too because she was in rehab.  Once out, she continued to call but kept changing the time on DH.  She was calling regularly again.  She then threatened to take DH back to court and wondering if they could work something out outside of court.  DH said absolutely not.  So she said she would file, that was like 2 months ago.  The calls got sporadic again and then stopped two weeks.  She started to call again on Tuesday and DH said she sounded like she was high. 

 Okay, so now we are up to today.  BM called this morning to say she filed a motion for supervised visits and the court date is July 2nd.  To me that seems way fast since when we filed an emergency petition it took 2 months to get in.  We are waiting for him to get served so we won't worry until then but I just wanted to get opinions if this sounds like someone who is using drugs still. I am just totally confused by her.  Anyone been through this??

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Re: Anyone have experience with a drug addict**Update, DH got served Friday**

  • twister22twister22 member

    Personally, I think BM is full of sh!t. You don't get a court date that quick. I doubt she even filed. Don't hold your breath to be served.

    ETA: Hold old are your SS(s) and/or SD(s)? And what did the visitation look to look like? Just curious. 

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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    I would look into countering to get her drug tested and proof of sobriety per the last order b
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • es6es6 member
    My DSD's are 3 and 4.  They had initially 50/50 for probably 7 months or so(she was pregnant when he left her, he caught her bringing a drug dealer to the house the night before they were to get married).  Then after the first court date, she got every weekend supervised from 10am-7pm.  That didn't last but 2 months before she started not being there or her dad not there.  She then was offered professional center supervised visits at her cost which she never took advantage of so the GAL finally threw in the towel and said only calls until she can prove she is stable, sober etc...  So that is supposedly where we are now. 
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  • es6es6 member
    Her idea of being stable is living with her dad or mom.  Quitting a job she supposedly got to go to school.  We don't ask too many questions when she calls.  She just gives excuses as to why she didn't call when she was supposed too.  The court told her the burden of proof is on her, not us.  So we are patiently waiting for a process server to show up at the house.  I just don't understand her at all.
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  • Karma1969Karma1969 member
    Her living with her parents can be considered stable. Don't try to guess the actions of an addict, it will drive you crazy.
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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    I would not worry until you have to. She can SAY anything she wants, but she has to be able to PROVE it, too. She has to have proof of attendance for school. She will have to have some sort of proof of financial stability, as well. She will have to be able to PROVE that she has a way to support the children and herself financially. This may or may not be covered by a statement from the grandparents that they agree to house and fully financially support BM and children, including food, clothes, shelter, etc. But that would not give her anything more than a NCP visitation schedule, I would think.

    Definitely counter with requesting a drug test if your DH does in fact get served. But it sounds like she is blowing smoke out her azz. And even if she was sober long enough to file, she may not stay sober long enough to pass a drug screen.
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  • es6es6 member
    She has always lived with either her mom or dad who are both alcholics, her mom worse then her dad.  That is why DH had agreed to have her dad be supervisor until he found out he left her alone with the kids.  Kind of defeats the purpose of supervised visits.  But we will do everything we can legally do to keep the kids safe.
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  • Sparks in training!Sparks in training! member

    sounds like my life with Baby Daddy of DD. Make sure you have sole legal custody of lo. Dont listen to ANY Bs lies about court. Drug addicts are great with trying to lie and scare you...especially when it comes to courts and lo.

    KEEP a VERY DETAILED LOG of every phone call, communication and threat! (That helped me SO MUCH in court)

    Never ever talk negative to the children about BM. Always tell LO that you respect them so much that you dont want to tarnish anyones image or anything and that one day you will tell them everything.

    Get an attorney to ensure that only supervised visits. and DO NOT change or vary from court order. If she is suppose to call Tuesday night at 7 for ten min call...then thats it. Too bad if she missed and tries to call at 8pm.

    Dont accept or make excuses for her bad behavior.

    Last but not least.... Go to an alanon meeting. It will help everyone so much and understand the behavior!

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  • PamelacakePamelacake member

    It sounds like she is full of bs to me. My SD's were drugged by their BM and we couldn't even get a court date that fast. It sounds like she is just trying to scare him.

     We get threatened all the time by BM to go to court but she hasn't filed anything. She is entitled to EOWE but would rather spend her time at the bar and then make our lives hell by calling 20 times a day and whining that she never gets to see her kids.

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  • DaringMissDaringMiss member
    I would also ask for a hair test.  She may have been clean enough for a urine test, but a hair test might reveal how recently she became clean.
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  • riabironriabiron member
    call the court and find out for sure.
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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    If your H actually gets served, make sure she has to provide a parenting plan for her time. where is incomes is coming from, where she will be living when the girls are with her, who will be responsible for child care when she cannot be with them on her time, etc. Because of her past history, you could probably have a good chance of getting a drug test ordered for anyone who is to be responsible for the children on BM's time. That would not exactly pick up alcoholism, so unleas they literally can NEVER at any second of the day pass a sobriety test or breathalizer, your best bet there is to provide any past proof of the grandparent's addiction and name them as parties in the CO not to be around children witbout DH's supervision. A CO can be that specific, believe it or not. A lot od people here have certain people specified in their COs. And you can stipulate in there that you must approve anybody who is to have an influence on the kids, babysitters and the like.

    But hopefully, you won't have to do that. I would think that if she has plenty of documented drug abuse history, rehab stays, arrests, etc, then you have nothing to worry about.
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  • es6es6 member

    We are actually hoping for supervised visits at a facility.  Last time she had supervised visits, her dad was to supervise, she didn't obey the order.  She took off with the kids, she doesn't have her license, it is suspended for unpaid tickets.  Went places with them with her druggie boyfriend and lied that she did it.  The girls told us where they were and said grandpa wasn't there. 

    The girls have gone through enough.  She has been in and out of their girls life since they were born.  I hate that they have to go through this.

    Get this, BM gets money from the state now for her son.  Her BD died from an overdose, so now she gets $1200(tax free) a month.  DH won't see any money ever since that money is technically for her son.  This woman will never work.  She will most likely drop out of school once the court dates are done. C

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  • WWMSWWMS
    I believe she is full of it and I wouldn't believe anything until you get paperwork. Or go to wherever you have to file and ask in person, I know my courthouse won't give out info over the phone.

    But from personal experience in the state of PA I was able to get a court date for one month from when I filed for modification. Mine is simple stuff to modify but the paperwork doesn't ask for proof, just what I want to change.
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  • es6es6 member

    DH got served on Friday!  So he is set to go to court on July 2nd. 

    We were so close to paying our attorney off too.  Anyone know if we have to pay another retainer, I am guessing we will have too since the other case was considered closed. 

    This totally sucks.  I am trying to not let it bother me but it does.  We were so close to paying the attorneys off(we also had to pay her portion of the GAL with a note saying when BM takes DH back to court, she owes him her half of the GAL fees(I doubt they will enforce this as she got the filing fee waived and I am assuming that has to do with her saying she couldn't afford it, but she can afford to take DH back to court). 

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