Do you ever feel...

formerwigirl · May 2013

Hey guys,

I feel as though this may be the once place I can express how I really feel about my struggle TTC. We had friends over today and while mentioning how sick of hearing "just relax it will happen when you least expect it", "it will happen for you, just give it time,",......, I found out I offended a good friend of mine (she's 6 months preggers, took her only 2 months to conceive). I didn't mean to hurt or say anything offensive but this is a seriously hard time in my life. This is sadly starting to take its toll on my marriage (we've been married only a year) and I have gone off my depression medication on advice of my ob and therapist (because if i get pregnant its not good for a baby). Someone at work mentioned how I have become jaded over this and after thinking about it I realized I am because of how frustrated and sad it is. I've read the books that say you need to have fun, relax, and not stress. I've tried not to dwell on it all but many people close to me are pregnant. They don't realize our friendships won't be the same once they have children because I will be the only one childless. So tired of off tending people but struggling to deal. Thanks all for letting me vent.

vpine · May 2013

I feel what you're saying and thinking 100%.

Desmo35 · May 2013

I had the same vent to my counselor. I told her that I felt like I didn't have faith because I couldn't relax and that I always felt stressed over this. She replied that this IS very stressful and to think that we could just let it go and relax was impossible. I felt so relieved to hear that! Prior, I thought I was losing my mind like I was crazy because everyone else, including my DH, kept saying that I need to relax. It's extremely hard to, so now I feel whatever I'm feeling and express it...then I move on. It's a roller coaster of being realistic, optimistic, hopeful, and let down over and over. Don't feel bad for how you feel and come to this board anytime you need to vent! ((hugs))

formerwigirl · May 2013

Thanks I've hit a real low point tonight. I feel soo hopeless about all of this. I haven' even gone through testing yet either. No one prepares you for dealing with this. I wish I could just move on but I don't know how to, I guess on to looking up info and hopefully I cry myself out at some point.

Toriables · May 2013

I feel that way all the time, and I wish I could come through the internet and give you a big hug.

One of the hardest things for me is the way IF has changed my friendships. For years, I was always going out on weekends, going to bachelorette parties, birthdays, vacations, and get togethers with friends. Now, they are getting together with their kids. They have play dates and I'm not invited. I'm not used to being so left out.

I think that it is almost impossible to "just relax and stop trying". That expression makes me want to scream. I work in an ER, and I never tell my patients who are having heart attacks to "just relax, I'm going to stop trying to save you". I never tell my students "Just give up on school, and then you will graduate when you least expect it!".

I'm sorry to hear that your marriage is being affected. My first marriage ended because my ex did not want to be tested. I hope that you get some good news and feel better soon!

shelbeans82 · May 2013

I wish those people who say "dont stress, just relax" would have to have to temp their BBT every day for months on end, or have bloodwork and ultrasounds every couple days or have to give themselves injections or use progesterone suppositories multiple times/day. Umm, that is a CONSTANT DAILY reminder that IF blows, how am I supposed to "relax" through all that?

I'm totally get ya OP. And I wish your friend "got it" too.

formerwigirl · May 2013

Thanks guys your comments make me feel better! Smile

emmabrown62 · May 2013

I find its the faking that I'm not worrying or stressing that's the worst. I've now opted to steer away from conversations about babies and falling pregnant. It's just too much to handle and the false smile that is suppose to say "I'm fine, I'm relaxed" just isn't quite working as much as it used to.

There are days when I feel sorry for my self for my DH. Like I'm letting us both down.

But then I'm reminded of all the thousands of women every day who have difficulty TTC and eventually fall pregnant and I try and stay positive.

nyrunningqueen · May 2013

I know exactly what you mean and others will never understand what you are going through until they have walked in your shoes. I'm so sorry this is affecting your marriage. This is a very difficult time and my DH and I have had some really tough moments ourselves. I realized that I was taking out my anger on him and on myself when honestly neither one of us is personally responsible for this. It's just another one of the struggles DH and I have to endure together (as if we didn't have enough hurdles to get over after we were both diagnosed with different chronic autoimmune diseases). I'm just trying to continue to focus on the positives to keep things in perspective (i.e. special time with DH, can continue to save money, etc.). I allow myself to have ALL emotions, I process them, and then I move on to the next step. I keep reminding myself that my future child will be so incredibly loved and appreciated because of this journey. Hugs to you.

Do you ever feel...

Re: Do you ever feel...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards