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Blended Families
Pamelacake
member
Something Happens every single time BM has them!
Pamelacake
member
This is a minor thing compared to what has happened in the past, a little rant and maybe some advice please?
SD's 3rd overnight visit with BM: DH gets a voicemail saying that 5YO SD cut her hair. She had 4 different excuses as to what she was doing in the same phone call as to why SD wasn't being watched. Both SD'S wanted to talk to DH on the phone. 6yo SD was on the phone with DH and BM took the phone from her. There is so much more just don't want to fill up the page!
5yo SD gets on the phone sounding like she is on the verge of crying and wants to come home. BM was fine with this, so 5yo SD was picked up. BM told DH that 6yo SD wanted to stay and wouldn't let her get back on the phone.
BM keeps calling today and DH is at work. She left a VM saying that 6yo SD wants to talk to DH and I have no way to get ahold of him. She didn't say it was an emergency so I'm trying to stay calm and know that everything is ok.
My question is, is DH in the wrong for collecting SD even though BM was fine with it?
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Something Happens every single time BM has them!
I'm confused. Why were they allowed to visit her if you haven't gotten the sleeping pill drug issue thing resolved? Or did I miss a post on that.
Also, didn't you say BM was blind? Wouldn't that in itself explain how SD could cut her hair without her knowing? BTW though, lots of kids cut their hair at the age of 5-7 even with child appropriate scissors.
There is nothing wrong with your DH picking up the kids if BM wants him too, but why would he just pick up one if he were concerned for their safety?
I just don't understand the line of thinking here.
Although it killed me at times that picking up SD was a huge interruption in our plans, I knew she was safer with us so we jumped at any chance we could to get her out of the situation she was in. It may seem like an inconvenience to you, and I totally understand that, but do what you guys need to do to. Even if that means your DH picks up the step kids during BMs time.
DH hired an atty last week. BM is partially blind. I know lots of kids cut their hair at a young age, 6yo DS had cut her hair 3 times while DH and BM were still together, before BM became blind and was supposed to be caring for SD's. She says she can see shadows and some colors. She admitted to being in the bedroom with 6yo SD while 5yo SD was cutting her hair. Both SD's also told DH that's what happened over the phone. And then BM tried to change it up again after she said it. (BM always continuously changes her story when she is lying, 6yo SD does the same thing) Our kitchen scissors are in the top drawer with the silverware. SD's get their silverware out and know not to touch the scissors. We haven't had an issue with SD's even trying to hide to mess with the scissors. Maybe SD just thought she could get away with it bc she was with BM. IDK.
BM hasn't ever cared for the children on her own since becoming blind. She became blind when having their third child, a child she tried to give away, whom ended up passing away due to suffocation at 3 months old.. The atty said that if he kept them he would be in contempt, Unless she shows up drunk there is nothing legal DH can do to keep them from her at this point.
About the CPS case, the emergency order wasn't even filed b/c CPS hadn't put in their report. We later found out that day from BM (not a reliable source) that the CPS agent came by her apartment, said she had done nothing wrong and took a picture of A pill bottle (which she had almost 30 days to come up with). CPS has still not contacted DH and has only been to our home one time. CPS Initially told DH they were going to her home that evening along with the police. That never happened.
5yo SD was the only one picked up because BM said 6yo SD wanted to stay and wouldn't let DH speak to her on the phone after that, and then said she was sleeping. BM doesn't come into our home due to stealing things in the past and DH has never asked to go into her home. Upon arrival to pick up 5yo SD, BM said 6yo SD fell asleep and that was why all of the lights were off.
BM just started favoring 6yo SD over 5yo. It's very clear that she is only doing this bc she thinks she will get custody of both if 6yo SD is not DH's Bio DD. She never wanted anything to do with 6yo before. She wasn't even allowed to sit on the bed, had to sit on the floor if she wanted to watch a movie with BM. 6yo SD is on the big side for her age and I think that has a lot to do with it. She always referred to both of them as little basta!!! and 6yo SD and a fat little b!tch. BM also always used to tell 6yo SD that she didn't have to come for the visit if she didn't want to. Of course she did! 6yo SD wants BM's approval so badly.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
I'm sorry you had to go through this. It's really hard on the kids too. It was definitely not an inconvenience at all. More of a relief due to what has been done in the past. DH and I don't make plans bc BM lied to them for months, promising to be here and never showed or cancelled at last minute. Like I said, I know this is so silly to be upset over but She does not watch them. We know they are safe when they are here and it makes DH and I feel a lot better. I felt sorry for BM at first but after all we have been through with BM, She just doesn't care if she's hurting SD's or not.
BM only just recently started trying to utilize her parenting time on a somewhat regular basis and we know it's only bc they have a court date coming up. CS was brought up by the prosecutor and contempt before that. She thinks she is going to go to jail over it. So she wants to look good for court. BM also does this when she gets a new boyfriend but it usually doesn't last this long.
This makes the 5th time BM has seen SD's and 3rd overnight since November.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
BM is now bringing 6yo SD home because SD isn't feeling well and has diarrhea and BM "doesn't know what to do" Seriously! But YaY!! They will both be home and safe!
I bet BM will be freshly showered and ready to go out!
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
Thank You! I am so thankfull they are home and safe!!
DH called BM shortly after they left from dropping off 6yo SD with a question about 6yo SD being sick. BM answered the phone and didn't realize she did. I think she meant to ignore the call. DH kept saying hello into the phone and I was going to turn off the recorder but DH told me not yet, she was talking about how good of a day it's going to be and just extremely happy. She immediately went into bashing me saying things like she wanted to just take an axe to the back of my skull and blah, blah, blah. Then she started talking about our other children. Then back to me. This went on for 10 minutes and then BM and her boyfriend were so excited that they had beat other Dh's Stepdad to the bar that the stepdad plays on a pool league at on Saturdays. When they were pulling in after being all excited saw that someone had called her phone and was extremely excited about that (Didn't realize she was actually on the phone).When she realized it was DH she was disappointed. BM's b/f asked her if she was going to called back before they went into the bar. She said no, she didn't care what he had to say. and left her phone in the car and closed the car door with phone in car.
The best part of the whole conversation was the part where BM told BF that She would get custody of the kids when 5yo SD starts school b/c She cannot get them ready. She can not get them to get dressed, brush their teeth, "I can't get them to do it, they have never done it for me" and that 6yo SD will be able to get 5yo ready and when they go off to school BM can go back to bed!!! I was floored!
I felt bad about listening in on their convo but then again I don't because if this is going to help our case in any way then, it is what it is and I'm glad I didn't turn off that recorder! (legal in our state and also let BM as well as her bf know that I do this even though I didn't have to tell them)
SD was not sick at all. I asked her why she thought she was sick and she said because BM (mother's name) told me I was. I asked her about a bowel movement( BM said she had diarrhea and had gone 8 times that day.) and she said it was hard to go. This is an everyday thing between 6yo SD and I because SD has issues with Bowel movements and is on a regular medication for it so I have to monitor how often she goes and what it's like to know the right dose to give. SD tried to play sick and went along with BM's lie but it only took about 5 minutes for her to tell me the truth and I didn't even ask for what all she told me. Just if SD had a bowel movement that day and above question, why she thought she was sick. When she got here but I can tell when she is faking. So.. SD and I talk about her poop a lot. lol.
ETA: I don't even go out upon pickup or drop off. DH handles that. BM just has so much hatred. BM was mad at me when 6YO SD told her she could read, knew all of her abc's and could count to 100!
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
Your situation sounds a lot like ours before we got custody of SD a few years ago. Once we finally got custody and her child support was stopped, she went more than a year without having SD a single overnight. She would see her for an hour or two every few weeks. It was super hard on us, but SD was safe. We went through the hair cutting experience. BM was high on pills when SD (who was 4 at the time) cut her hair off. She said she tried to wake up her mom because she wanted bangs, but her mom wouldn't wake up. We would get calls from SD that BM was sleeping and wouldnt get up and we'd go get her. The things we had to go through to get custody were ridiculous. Apparently if you have a bunch of different prescriptions for a bunch of different pills (plus going to the methadone clinic) its just fine!
Hang in there. I know for a fact that what you are going through is so hard.
Your previous situation does sound a lot like mine. She takes lots of different medications. She will take the xanax first and eat them until they yare gone, then go onto another one and then another.. and when she runs out buy more to get her through to her next refill.
SD cut her hair bc she wanted bangs as well.. she just turned 5 in April.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
I wish I would have found this site a lot sooner than I did.There is just sooo much more and it's just unreal! I was on one and I was told I was just jelous of BM and bashing her!! And then they started attacking DH! It was more of a legal advice board and they were just really rude and not helpful at all like they had nothing better to do. lol
I'm sorry you had to go through this..it's really insane.
She kept calling and leaving voicemails with all types of colorful language but did she once ask how 6yo SD was doing since it was such an emergency and she had to bring her home? NOPE!! She did say to not call or text her until she is supposed to have the girls again. Does that mean I don't need to give her the info for 6yo SD'S open house graduation for Kindergarten? Hmmm. SD already said she didn't want her to go but I don' t want SD to regret it later. I let her know the date and time of her Christmas program, she told SD that she would be there but of course did not show up. Ugh.. I have no one to vent to about these things so I'm sorry if I take it all out on you guys! Thanks for listening to me vent!
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
I've found that a lot of people have trouble comprehending that a BM could do that to their child. That was our issue in court. We had a judge who was very "old school" and thought that the child was always better off with the BM. Unfortunately though, there are so many BM's out there who don't take care of their kids.
We finally got custody of SD when MIL called dyfs (cps) on BM. She told them that she knew BM was home and not to let them tell them she wasn't. They showed up and the house was in such bad shape, they called us and told us we needed to pick up SD right away. There was no heat, no hot water, and the house was infested with black mold so bad that the social worker wouldn't even go in. They actually ended up condemning the house! We've had SD ever since. BM doesnt have her license, so she used to show up on about 1/2 her days to get her (she's scheduled for EO Sat night and Wed from 3:30-7). Now that SD's older sister (not my DH's) has her license, she picks SD for BM. SD's sister lives less than a mile away from us (not w/ BM)
if you ever need someone to vent to, I'm here. you can PM or email me anytime!!
I think our BM's belong in the same barn.. esp after seeing what you just posted!
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5