Help with a very whiny 1 year old

ASullivan1231 · May 2013

My son was a very easy baby. I fell into the trap of the smug mom, but I was kicked right on my butt this week. My 12 month old won't stop whining. He whines when he goes to bed, when he wakes up, when I put him down, when he can't get to what he wants - basically EVERYTHING. Unless I'm holding him walking around he's whining.

MH and I have two different ways of dealing with it and neither is good. I cater to my son's every need. I COMPLETELY know I shouldn't because I'm creating a child that won't play independently, and constantly gets what he wants. MH (a very good Dad overall and a GREAT husband) just keeps telling our son in a harsh voice to stop. Telling him "you're fine." It basically turns into MH "yelling" at DS ALL DAY and it drive me INSANE. I've asked him MANY MANY times to stop being so harsh, to know avail. MH has the best intentions. He thinks if we don't cater to DS the whining will stop. I'm not so sure. I would be ok with ignoring his whiny behavior if he were 3 or 4 and could communicate.

Just a few minutes ago MH and I got into a fight bc I just couldn't listen to his harsh tone anymore. DS is only 1 year old!! He doesn't know what he's doing and doesn't know how to stop, IMO.

MH and I are on the same page about many things - but discipline, or whatever you want to call this, we are completely on different pages, and that's a big problem.

Any suggestions on how to help our son and help DH and me act as a team? What have you done? Any book or internet recommendations?

penguingrrl · May 2013

How has he been sleeping? Is he getting a balanced diet? I find a change towards whiny usually means discomfort of some sort, at least with my kids.

dairygirl19 · May 2013

I agree with the pp. Is he getting sick, teething, working on a change in sleep schedule? That turns my normally easy toddler into a huge mess.

Hang in there, it's also probably a phase. He could be on a developmental milestone vocab wise and is frustrated because of the lack of communication (he knows, but can't say it). My kid did this as well.

Also, I don't think you're so wrong. I still gave in a lot at one. They're still babies in my eyes. It's still a matter of whatever gets you through the day. I just learned to ignore a lot of it as well. I didn't engage some of the whining. It was situational dependent. Now that my LO is almost two, she can play independently and do all the things you worry about just fine. My discipline with her is different and more stern at this point because she understands and recognizes more what she should and shouldn't be doing.

dairygirl19 · May 2013

Also, to spin off the pp...does your 1 year old do simple directions?

I cut down on the whining a lot when I started with the, "Show mom what you want." "Take me to what you need?" Then I'd get down on her level and "give" her the words. It was obviously worthless at 1 to "give" the words, but she did learn and now at almost two she's vocab for the most common of her needs/wants or at least can show me.

ASullivan1231 · May 2013

CJ - I love your ideas. Thank you! I think that talking to him more about what we are doing is a good step. I am 99% sure he is teething. I think I can see two white teeth below the gums on top. We must have gotten lucky before bc he basically had no problem with his first 4 teeth.

He is normally a great sleeper - 6:30pm to 6am, plus 2 1.5 hour naps. Now he is only taking his morning nap and fighting his afternoon nap. I'm not sure if he's done with two naps or it's teething related. Last night he was up at 4:20 very upset. This is unusual.

Thanks for all of your suggestions!

How do I talk to DH without sounding like a know it all?

ASullivan1231 · May 2013

penguingrrl:
How has he been sleeping? Is he getting a balanced diet? I find a change towards whiny usually means discomfort of some sort, at least with my kids.

He is a really good eater. Good with veggie, fruit and a variety of other foods. The major change in the last 2 to 3 weeks is stopping formula and moving to whole milk.

lindslalala · May 2013

ASullivan1231:
CJ - I love your ideas. Thank you! I think that talking to him more about what we are doing is a good step. I am 99% sure he is teething. I think I can see two white teeth below the gums on top. We must have gotten lucky before bc he basically had no problem with his first 4 teeth.
He is normally a great sleeper - 6:30pm to 6am, plus 2 1.5 hour naps. Now he is only taking his morning nap and fighting his afternoon nap. I'm not sure if he's done with two naps or it's teething related. Last night he was up at 4:20 very upset. This is unusual.
Thanks for all of your suggestions!
How do I talk to DH without sounding like a know it all?

This could be a large part of it. DS turned into a little terror when he went down to 1 nap!

peacelove&mama · May 2013

cjcouple:
Sounds like a bit of frustration from your ds. You definitely shouldn't cater to him all the time but scolding does not work either. You need a happy medium.

I would start by promoting him independence with day time skills. For instance find a toy he plays with well independently and start by playing with him on the floor...Then say. Whoops i need to go potty. Be right back and do just that. Leave a couple minutes and go right back. Praise him with accomplishments. Great job playing, good boy etc. slowly leave more frequently.

If leaving gor bathroom is too much. Maybe you just wslk across room to get something. A little further and or longer each time. if he follows you into bathroom just talk to him but try not to pick him up everytime. Have him crawl or walk back to toy. Etc.

Also have him help if he can. If he is walking, hand him a rag to dust with you or hand him dust pan to hold. Etc.
of course this depends some on your ds development as well. He may not be ready for that. Try to keep him in same room with you so he knows you are there.

It's a long process but you have to wean him into independence.
It's ok for him to fuss a bit.

Same for bedtime. Keep checking back to comfort him and let him know you are there. This you would need to explain how his bedtime routines go and I can give some examples.

Wake up. Go in all cheery and say Good morning little man. Talk upbeat and nice, walk around room the room and open curtains or putze around gathering clothes for the day with him still in his crib. You know busy work. Talk to him and be happy. Your happiness will rub off on him. Just keep doing this.

Even if he whines and reaches for you just say. Just one minute baby. And keep talking to him. Try not to pick him him immediately. Small steps but effective. You want him to know you acknowledge him but not to jump at every whine or fuss.
Good luck.

All of this. Baby steps, get him used to being apart from you and the whining will decrease once he knows that you guys are still there but can't always be RIGHT there. I would have a chat with DH though and try to help him understand that DS is little and independence is learned, not forced.

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Help with a very whiny 1 year old

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