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Friend with Twins, one in NICU, one at home

KM2008KM2008
in Preemies
A friend of mine had her little girls last week at 35 weeks. One is doing marvelously and is about to be discharged, the other one is having trouble gaining and they expect her to be in the NICU for a little while longer. I have been talking to her a lot through this, but this is where our experiences diverge because I only had one day with "one in, one out." She's justifiably upset about "abandoning" her NICU twin, though I have assured her that she isn't abandoning her, though I totally understand that's exactly how it feels. I know quite a few of you have had extended "one in, one out" experiences, any suggestions or words of wisdom? She's in a city, so it's not like she can pack one up in her car and drive to the NICU to visit (though I recommended finding out what the NICU's policy was with twins returning to visit an in-patient twin and I am sending her the one post that I found on the resource blog). I'd appreciate any bit of advice you may have. Thanks, all.
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Re: Friend with Twins, one in NICU, one at home

  • MrsNukemMrsNukem member
    My boy was discharged after 9 days in the NICU.  My girl took 3 weeks.  Our hospital policy would not allow our boy to visit the NICU after discharge.  So DH and I would take turns each day on who would visit our girl in the NICU while the other stayed home with the boy.  It was rough for awhile, but know that they are very well taken care of in the NICU.

    Me:40 AMA, DH:36 0% morph, TTC#1;
    BFP#1 4/2011, MMC 6/2011 11wks Trisomy 13;
    BFP#2 11/2011, CP
    FSH: 17.9, AMH: 2.2
    IVF#1 w/ICSI: ER 4/3: 5R,4M,4F
    ET 4/6 All 4 (1-8A+, 2-8A-, 1-3A) BFP#3
    Two weeks of beta hell = Blighted Ovum
    IVF#2 Aug/Sept: ER 8/27: 4R,3M,3F
    ET 8/30 (1-8A+, 1-6A+)
    Beta#1 9/10: 350; Beta#2 9/12: 796; Beta#3 9/20: 9155
    Expecting Boy/Girl Twins! My babies were born 4/23/13 at 36w1d!

     
     

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  • kelkel09kelkel09 member

    DD was in the NICU for 70 days and DS was there for 250 so we had almost 6 months where they were separated. Our NICU did not allow us to bring DD with us to visit so it was a really difficult time. We were really lucky to have a lot of help and support from our family. My mom and MIL took turns watching DD every afternoon so I could go to the hospital and be with DS. I would spend the mornings with DD and then be at the hospital in the afternoons with DS, but no matter where I was I always felt guilty that I wasn't with the other one. The only way I kept going was to keep telling myself that one of these days they will be back together again.

     Tell your friend not be afraid to ask for help. Support from friends and family really make a difference. And, also that she shouldn't beat herself up if she can't get to the hospital one day. I made myself sick making sure I never missed a day, but didn't take care of myself at all. She needs to make sure she takes care of herself in this process.

     

    Best wishes to her! 

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  • yinyang124yinyang124 member
    I live in NYC, no car. My boys were born at 34w. J was discharged a week before D. I was allowed to bring him to the NICU. My time spent there was obviously more restricted with having one LO at home. I tried to go for two feedings. I would go in at the very beginning of one and leave after the next. I spent the whole time in between cuddling my LO lef in the NICU. It was really difficult, but the week passed quickly. Prayers that her other baby comes home soon!
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
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  • angie637angie637 member
    Our Nicu would only allow the first one back if they did not leave the maternity floor. We were given a room at the hospital and as long as DS didn't leave the floor he was allowed back in the Nicu to see DD.
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