Second time around, should not be this freaked out
lbrown623
member
I had my first child in August 2011. My pregnancy had a few complications and some of the genetic testing gave us a scare for a while. I had gestational diabetes and a slightly elevated BP toward the end, so they induced at 39 weeks, 3 days. The induction went perfectly, was in labor for 8 hours and pushed for 1. My daughter was perfect, no health concerns at all when she was born. And she was the best baby- she slept great, breastfeeding went fairly smoothly, and she was generally a very happy baby. Throughout the pregnancy I took all the issues in stride. I was relaxed and ready to bring home a baby. Even before the induction, I was fine and just went with the flow of what the doctors suggested.
So why am I so flipping nervous this time? I am having all sorts of anxieties. I am 36 weeks today. I passed my glucose test this time, have gained less weight than last time (only 15 pounds) and have been told by my doctor that she sees no reason to induce, unless I go much past my due date. I should be relaxed and ready for this. But I am freaking out about everything. Going into labor makes me nervous- what if I don't notice the contractions (I have been having some BH, but they aren't painful at all, I hardly notice them), what if my water breaks at work, what if I go into labor while my husband is out of town (3 overnight out of town trips between now and due date)? Having a newborn again makes me so scared, what if I have forgotten how to take care of a newborn, what if he doesn't sleep, what if I don't have the same bond with him that I do with my daughter? And having another baby with a toddler at home has me so wound up- what if my daughter hates her baby brother, how will I have enough time to dedicate to both children, will my daughter resent me for bringing another baby home, how will I keep her occupied while I take care of an infant? All the what ifs are driving me crazy.
I figured that having done this before and this time actually having a "better outlook" without GD, no genetic testing issues, and such, that this would be easier this time. Or at least not harder. I feel like I am totally losing it. Both pregnancies were 100% planned, so its not a surprise issue. I just don't understand how I could have been so ready for the first and feel so completely lost this time. Did anyone else seem to be completely prepared for baby #1 then have a difficult time mentally preparing for #2?
Re: Second time around, should not be this freaked out
This is obviously just my experience but a newborn is soooooo easy to care for. I thought it was a challenge when I had DD1 but when DD2 came I already experienced it so I didn't second or third guess myself all the time. You will quickly learn how to BF (if you choose do BF) with one hand while playing on the floor with your first. Babies sleep a lot and you will still get lots of time with DD1.
Just relax a little and trust your mommy instincts. I go into denial every time labor begins but you'll know when it really matters.
I remember being very pregnant I went two weeks postdue date with number 1 and thinking my daughter was so portable still in my tummy. And how was I going to handle all the "gear" and stuff that I would be lugging around. Now I'm thinking carrying a newborn around will be easy compared to figuring out how or whether to carry, walk, stroll my toddler at the same time. But I'm sure I'll figure it all out. And I'm sure you will too.
Worrying is normal. It means you care. And that is the first step in tackling whatever challenges come your way.
Good Luck, OP.
I had all of the same concerns you do and I, too, felt mentally unprepared to have another child. My first one was a very challenging baby and is now a fantastic, wonderful but physically- and emotionally-demanding toddler. How on earth was I going to handle having two kids?? It kept me up at night.
My second one has been here for a week and I have to tell you that it has been a delightful experience so far. This baby is a "normal" baby compared to the challenging one I had last time, and DS1 has been so good with him. We prepared DS1 ahead of time with some books about becoming a big brother and tried to help him understand what babies are like when they're young but that, when they get bigger, they can play more, etc. We also use a lot of positive reinforcement with all of his attempts to help and comfort the baby.
I was worried about having my water break at work, noticing the contractions, forgetting how to care for a NB, etc. My water broke at home and the contractions kicked in a few hours later and there was no way I couldn't notice them.
I did some quick reading up on NB care 101 to refresh my memory and then the rest of it I just started remembering as I was doing it again. Oh yeah, I used to do this with DS1. Oh yeah, I remember with DS1 that I would nurse him on one side, then change his diaper to wake him up to feed on the other side. The memories come back and everything feels more natural than it did the first time. I worry less and follow my intuition more.
My bond with #2 was immediate. The second they put him on my chest, he was mine, the little guy we'd been waiting for, and our hearts naturally expanded to include him.
The one thing I can't speak to yet is handling both children at once. My DH has been working from home since DS2 was born and has been the one to wrangle DS1 when he's not at daycare (we have to pay for it regardless of whether or not DS goes so we figured we might as well send him a few days a week to give us time to really bond with DS2) so I have not had to watch both kids at once. We planned this because DS1 is high energy and hard enough to watch without having an infant to worry about.
Best of luck. I totally understand your concerns and obviously can't tell you how it will be, but my experience so far has been very positive. I hope you find the same to be true for you!