XP: MIL VENT...help

octobermama87 · May 2013

Just last Sunday my MIL was holding my DS as he started to fuss cause he was getting hungry (i also feed on demand) and at that point I had already told her 3 times that he was getting hungry and it was time to eat, so instead of handing him over, she looks at DS and says "awww, mommy's not feeding you, what a ***!" WTH!!!!!! EXCUSE ME?! Who the hell do you think you are saying those kind of things to my son?! I don't care if he's 4 months or 4 years old- you don't talk like that! Let me just say that before I had DS, I got along w MIL really well and still do but it just seems like I "see" her a lot differently now. (Not in a necessarily good way). And EVERYTIME I see my ILs, they always say something to cut me down or throw a jab at me in conversation and not always to me but always around me so I'm aware of the comment. I don't know what to do about this. They're doing a good job of building a wall between me and them. Any suggestions ladies??

She called me a B****.

Disneygeek77 · May 2013

Oh, that would make me so mad. I would probably look at her straight in the eye, clench my teeth and say "Don't you ever say anything like that ever again, do you understand me ?"

Talk to your husband and have him tell her that what she said is unacceptable and if she chooses to keep it up, she will be seeing none of you.

Trust me, I grew up with a stepgrandmother that bad mouthed my parents in front of us kids and my parents never did anything about it. So I grew up thinking that kind of behavior was ok. I really wish my parents taught me at a young age that no one, NO ONE, is allowed to talk to us like that and that I should stand up for myself.

octobermama87 · May 2013

i tried talking to him right after she left and his words were "don't take things so personally, she was probably just joking". -which him saying that pissed me off even more! DH is usually way more supportive of my feelings than that. I dont know why he would be so insensitive over this. Grrrr

Disneygeek77 · May 2013

Wow. He really said that.

Tell him he better straighten this mess out or you will and you promise you won't be nice about it.

freezorburn · May 2013

There are two things going on here. First, the inappropriate language. That's just uncalled for. Clear and simple.

Second, WTH isn't she giving the baby to you when he is hungry? I can sympathize, I had this same problem with my MIL. She would never use inappropriate language, but she had a million and one reasons not to give my baby to me when he was showing signs of hunger, and we were also BF on demand in the early months. If she has an issue with the fact that you are BF, you can either confront her directly about it, and see if she comes around, and if she doesn't, limit your time with her until your baby weans.

Edit: Also, I have started to be very deliberate when talking with my MIL, to put everything in terms of what the baby needs/wants. So instead of "I need to feed the baby," I say "It's time for him to eat." I would ask your MIL to please not speak that way in front of the baby. Even if the baby is not speaking yet, it's a bad habit to speak that way around these little sponges!

Andrewsgal · May 2013

Disneygeek77:
Wow. He really said that.
Tell him he better straighten this mess out or you will and you promise you won't be nice about it.

Shouldnt you bee with your kids?

Andrewsgal · May 2013

I think you are way over reacting. She was joking. I have said the same thing to a crying hungry baby.

Andrewsgal · May 2013

Hav=Fath:
Andrewsgal:
I think you are way over reacting. She was joking. I have said the same thing to a crying hungry baby.
I'd be mad if she used the B word to my baby talking about me, joking or not. And I'm really laid back.
I have joked that the baby's mom was mean and wouldn't feed them etc, but the name was too much IMO.

Oh crap yes I totally missed the b part. Oh my. I would tell my DH he needed to talk to her that is unacceptable. Sorry OP I missed that.

SwimSurfSmile · May 2013

Name calling is uncalled for and I understand your frustration with her comment. My mil used to make comments all the time when I was breast feeding my son, like he was still hungry and starving. He was really small not on the growth chart but maintain his own curve and was always gaining weight but as a mom I was really bothered by it, even if she was "joking". Just remember you are mom and you have every right to take your son from her when he is hungry. Maybe have your husband talk with her?

octobermama87 · May 2013

Thanks ladies. You've been very supportive about this and gave me some reassurance that I'm not crazy for taking offense to this. I appreciate all your input here!!

octobermama87 · May 2013

P.s. she's always been a little "flighty" IMO, but like I said before, never really bothered me til after DS arrived. And she's always cussed like a sailor, just never called me a B. but she always speaks her mind and I usually speak my mind too, but this just caught me completely off guard when it happened. The only thing I could do was stand up, grab my baby and walk away. (After giving my hubby the evil eye) I went in the house to feed him. Next time I will be prepared to speak up for sure.

bumpuser8448316 · May 2013

may10587@hotmail.com:
i tried talking to him right after she left and his words were "don't take things so personally, she was probably just joking". -which him saying that pissed me off even more! DH is usually way more supportive of my feelings than that. I dont know why he would be so insensitive over this. Grrrr

I'm sorry, but no. You don't jokingly call the people in your life a ***. I would tell your husband that if thats how they are going to treat you and he's just going to allow it then you and your LO will not be around them until they can change their attitudes. You don't need to put up with that.

PrimRoseMama · May 2013

MrsMuq:
Lol - sorry - my ILs have called me much, much worse.
It's really very simple - you're the mom. If your ILs undermine you or bash you in front of your kid, their visits with him should become minimal to non-existant until they can find a way to rein in their mouths. Your H needs to be on your side and stand up for you against passive-aggressive tactics.

Yep. Agree.

Your MIL was way out of line. I can't imagine what she was thinking.

Disneygeek77 · May 2013

bearsbearsbears:
Andrewsgal:
Disneygeek77:
Wow. He really said that.
Tell him he better straighten this mess out or you will and you promise you won't be nice about it.
Shouldnt you bee with your kids?

AG you have the wrong poster--you're thinking of Disneyfreek, I believe (unless Disneygeek is independently jerky). I couldn't quote due to the lock-down, but this is what was said:
DisneyFreeek:
I don't know what is going on here, but why is this being publicly discussed. How do you people even know all this information. These boards are ridiculous sometimes. Go play with your kids. And to the woman who you are all talking about, don't air your business on the internet. Take care of your family.

It took me an embarrassingly long time to find that quote...don't worry my child is sleeping

Ha ha ha. Thanks for explaining that. I was really confused where that came from and thought " Well ok, I will turn off Disney Jr., then." Oh and no, I don't intentionally try to be a jerk.

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XP: MIL VENT...help

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