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August 2012 Moms
bigbootyjudi
member
Am I the biitch here?
bigbootyjudi
member
I feel like a total azzhole and you could cut the tension in my house with a knife. But, I've always stood by being honest, so....
We're holding off on buying a house for another year. The plan is to work on my credit and bank more $ towards a down payment. As soon as SO's mom got light of this news, she, of course, jumped at the chance to ask him to put a mortgage in his name for her (because her/her husband/her other son's credit is awful). We've talked about this before and my answer was, "No, because we need to buy our own house." But, now that we're waiting to buy one...it's come up again.
I just laid it all out, basically, and I need some justification that I'm in the right here. Yes, she's his mom. Yes, it's his family. But, she knows he would do anything for her and she has always taken advantage of that; from making him miss school so that she wouldn't have to miss work to take care of his LB to making him stop what he's doing to meet her wherever she is for whatever reason.
She is financially unstable. She never pays her bills on time, all of their utilities/phones are constantly on the verge of being temporarily shut off, she goes to the casino and gambles $ she doesn't have, moved into her mother's house rent and mortgage free just to fall behind on the taxes, and it's just a mess. I'm afraid that if SO gets a mortgage and relies on her to pay it, he's just begging for trouble.
He claims that the mortgage bill would take top priority and she would never not pay it. I told him that obviously credit doesn't mean jack shitt to her and it's not HER credit that it would have a bearing on, so he can't rely on her word....and she's not exactly the #1 bill payer around here, KWIM? I bring all of her past late payments/debt up, tell him that we're not going to be able to buy a house next year when he already has a mortgage, and that I just think he's playing with fire. I told him that he needs to think about what he would do if she couldn't pay it one month. He told me she'll pay it. He's just refusing to see her past habits and the fact that if she didn't have the $ to pay it, it would effect her in NO way. It would be solely his responsibility and we don't have an extra $800 laying around a month.
I probably was a little too harsh, but I'm in the right here, no? I mean, if she had proven to be a financially responsible person in the past, I might reconsider...but, she's constantly borrowing money from her other son, his dad gets laid off the entire winter, and there are about 1238 other reasons why she just is not a responsible person, overall. I know I hurt his feelings by telling him that she was depending on his ability to jump when she says and I probably should have worded things differently, but I just don't see this going well.
He keeps asking me what I think and then seems upset when I spill it all out. I know I'm not his wife, but we have a child together and this is our life. I don't want to live in an apartment forever because of his mother's irresponsibilities while we pay her mortgage because a tree fell on her/whatever other ridiculous reason she'll come up with. She ALWAYS pays her bills late...I'm talking a $2,000+ heating bill.
What would you do? Would you let him do it? Would you say it was none of your business and back out, if you weren't married (but had a kid and had been together 7 years)?
ETA: He also told her I was the one that didn't want to do it...so, that should go over well.
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Re: Am I the biitch here?
DS #1 Born: 10/03/06, DS #2 Born: 08/06/12 My Cooking Blog
She has bad credit and bad bill paying history. This is a no brainer.
Stand firm with your SO and don't give in. I would say to avoid the mortgage especially because it is family. That stuff gets bad FAST.
H.E.L.L NOOOO. I laid that out from the beginning that we will NOT be giving DH's family money. They dug their own grave now they must lay in it. It is not your problem that they are irresponsible and waste their money.
Like others have said you do not want to risk the chance of the two of you getting a mortgage because he feels obligated to help his mom. It doesn't matter that you are not married yet. You have a family to take care of now, they take top priority.
This completely. You have to protect your family first. My parents would never, even in the most desperate times, ask us for money let alone for a mortgage. Complete crazy talk. I think your SO needs to really think this through. He needs to see why this is a bad decision for your family and not just you telling him what to do. Hang in there with this one. You are not in the wrong.
ditto to what every1 else has said... you are 100% right here!! this itself may not allow you to qualify for a mortgage in a year, and may put his credit score at risk
There is a reason she would not qualify for her own mortgage, and remind him that it would be his responsibility for the next 30 years, not just a few... 30!!!( assuming it a normal mortgage loan)- thats a lot of payments to be making sure his mother pays on time...
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Oh, god, no. Are you kidding? You're not being a b!!tch...you're being smart. Your SO should be proud of his good credit and realize how easily it can go to shambles. One seemingly small thing can drop your credit drastically.
You're dead on with the whole "what if she doesn't pay" question. My dad missed two...TWO mortgage payments on non-consecutive months and they foreclosed on our house and destroyed my grandparents' credit (my grandparents signed my mom and dad's mortgage). 3 years later, my grandparents are still working on getting their credit to what it was.
Your SO needs to think of you and Gio. And that's it, honestly.
I would have been WAY meaner than you, lol.
Your SO is crazy if he thinks this is a good idea! My brother has GREAT credit, works 2 jobs and makes around $50K a year on his own. This doesn't count his FI. He had a mortgage on House 1 and wanted to buy House 2 before the first one was sold. The bank said no way Jose. There's no way you guys will get a mortgage for yourselves if you get one for MIL. You may be able to get one on your own without SO on it, but it would be a less amount than getting one together. Add to it that your SO's credit will tank if MIL doesn't pay the mortgage, you'll be stuck in your first house until you fix that mess.
Tell SO his mom is a big girl and needs to wear her big girl panties and rent an apartment if that's what she needs to do.
This, exactly. If he wants to see how quickly a mother son relationship can turn ugly as hell, he's on the right path. If he has a brain in his head, however, he'll see that you are OBVIOUSLY, GLARINGLY correct. Without exception. What a ridiculous, stupid idea.
It is absolutely stupid to cosign on a house for her, I wouldn't cosign jackshit for her. Also, if he's giving her money for bills, I would have a few choice words about that. He's enabling her.
I wouldn't co-sign (or just plain sign) a loan for anyone. (Except maybe a student loan for the kids.) You are just asking for trouble when she doesn't pay it. So I definitely think your SO should NOT put his name on a mortgage for his mom.
It is a little trickier, maybe, since you aren't married. So maybe you don't have veto power here. But SO should be able to see that this will effect your financial future as well as his since you are committed and planning to buy a house together, etc.
And it totally sucks that he told his mom you were the one who wouldn't do it. You should definitely discuss that. You need to be a united front to her and others in other situations.
As PP mentioned, this is a no brainer. First of all, you both need to concentrate on getting your own home and not helping out anyone else. Secondly, this is a rule I have, NEVER help family or friends fiancially like this. If this ever came crumbling down, you personnally would be financially screwed and you most likely will not ever have any sort of relationship with that person again.
DON'T DO IT!
ALL OF THIS. I'm sorry you're dealing with this again, BBJ!
This. Sometimes people make their bed and they can lay in it. I feel so sorry that she is even putting you or him in this position, esp. now that you have a child to care for. I am upset for you.
I'm not even sure why buying a house now or next year makes a difference. It's not like a mortgage is a one year thing.
Maybe you can have SO talk to a financial advisor or someone like that to tell him what is obvious to everyone else. Maybe hearing it from a professional will make things a little more clear for him on why this is such a bad idea.
Sorry I didn't read all theother responses, so someone may have already said this. But even if she pays it 100% on time, already having a mortgage will absolutely prevent him from taking out another one (unless you guys make that kind of money... but based on the post, I'm going to assume that's not the case). This has bad idea written all over it.
That would be an absolute deal breaker for me. Not a chance.
Proud Mama to cleft cutie
I almost did this too for my sister & her husband. We were all going to sign the paperwork in 2 weeks when I suddenly had a brainstorm & realized how bad of an idea this was!
She had terrible credit but I figured it was family. I realized that if she couldn't pay her credit cards how would she even figure out a mortgage. I knew that I wanted to buy a house in the near future and if anything happened that it would be my own fault for being so stupid.
So I pulled on my smarty pants and told her I just couldn't do it. Fast forward 7 years and guess whose house was foreclosed on. Best decision ever.
DON'T DO IT!!
Mom of 2 monkeys and 1 on the way!
Christian12/06, Liam 08/12, Monkey #3 10/10
Yes! He got a raise recently, but nothing too crazy. His internship is up in August and we have no clue whether they will offer him a position depending on their budget or if he will have to find another. He did get pre approved for 90k already.
Thanks ladies. It is so exhausting being the bad guy. Seriously. But, I have to do what I have to do for my kid and our family. She is 44, she can take care of herself and I am just past her attempting to pass her problems onto everyone else to solve. She is good at guilting him and JandE, you are so right...it is definitely a Hispanic mom son thing. He has this overwhelming sense of "duty" when it comes to his family and well, he needs to apply that to his new family as well.
SCANDAL!