BM counter petitioned.... NEED ADVICE

ambrvan · May 2013

So this is the first time BM has ever counter petitioned our motions. We received a copy of paper in the mail today requesting that the restraining ordering be dissolved and parenting time be order to BM and that DH be found in contempt of the parenting plan established in June 2010. Admits to a few of the allegations, such as being hospitalized in three different psychiatric facilities, but of course, denies most of them, like the abuse.

She also claims that we have refused to return phone calls and hidden SD from her and family. I have dates of texts where we offeres to allow her to come see SD as long as it was under our supervision, extended the offer the BMs parents as well. The only phone calls we never returned were the ones we received after the restraining order was put into place. Very rarely has BM ever called from her phone. Her mom always called and made her talk to SD on her phone. Since grandparents have no legal rights in our state, there is no obligation for us to have ever answered or returned a call from the GM or her number on our caller ID. I can get copies of the text messages from the phone company to verify our offer of visitation. I feel our bases there are covered. I hope.

Honestly, as confident as I have been this whole time and as solid as I am toward DH, I am a little scared. I told DH that this counter petition was the normal protocal and that if we were the Respondant, we would be doing the same thing. But I am nervous. A new court date has been set for June 11th.

So my questions are about what kind of documents should we be getting together and how?

Can we subpoena BM's medical records to show time in psychiatric facilities and diagnoses?

Could having the multiple dates her electricity was shut off in 2010 prove financial unreliability or unfit home environment? We still, of course, have all the pictures of her old apartment that to our first restraining order back in Dec 2009.

We have SD's medical history of chronic yeast infections that stopped.once she had prolonged time away from BM.

We have a police report from when she was just a baby and had a 'diaper rash' that was actually a chemical burn of some sort but could conclusively be determined to have come from something other than urine.

We MAY have an old incident report from a burn SD got as a baby from a space heater at BMs.

I assume we can subpoena the Child Services determination in the siblings' case from the other state about BM being found unfit and abusive and using cigarette burns to discipline the older daughter. This determination took away BM's parenting rights to the two older children and she only has visitation supervised by a Children's Services agent or by the father or SM at the children's comfort. BM has not had any contact via phone or face with those children in a year.

Is there a way we can verify BM's unemployment other than the fact that she pays no child support and it is ordered to be wage garnished? Or should we just focus on the fact that we can financially provide for SD?

Sorry this is so long? I am suddenly very nervous, and I need clarification on the points I listed. Am I misguided in any if these? Do you think the CPS decision from the sibling's case will be enough to slam dunk this for us?

PLEASE HELP!

SimpleJane · May 2013

I have no advice except to talk to your lawyer. I would think focusing on the abuse and neglect that made her lose her other children would be extremely helpful. I would not bother bringing up her not paying CS.

Most of all I just wanted to say your family is in my thoughts. I'm praying for a good outcome for your SD. She really needs to be protected from that woman.

xmaryrickx · May 2013

I have no real advice though I am sure others will. I would focus on all the positive that you have brought to SDs life and all that you will continue to bring in providing a loving safe environment for her. I would have character witnesses out the wazoo. The medical reports of SDs are good. As for whether or not CPS will release the records of her other kids I really don't know. I would hope so, in that it would help to protect another child but since they too are minors it might get sticky. That doesn't mean it can't be brought up though.

You all have come so far, and you should be so proud of how strong you have been. I remember when you first posted here, and the strength and courage you have shown since then is nothing short of amazing. BM has proven herself time and time again to be unfit. I hope your lawyer is a vicious beast and that the judge is able to see BM for the lowlife piece of trash that she is. I wish I had more advice but keep doing what you are doing because you are doing it right.

karatechrissy · May 2013

The only thing that I can contribute any knowledge to is the past. When we went before a judge to show all our 'evidence' and all of BMs crazy, our lawyer said (at least in OUR state) that anything beyond 2 years old is pretty much not anything we could actually 'use'. That the time to bring it up had passed, and if we had been concerned we should have brought it to the courts attention. You may want to consult with your lawyer about all that. Perhaps, since it establishes a timeline of events though, it will be considered relevant. I'm sorry you are stressing over this but seriously, TRY NOT TO! Like you said, this is standard protocol. You can't expect BM to lie down and take it. Just make sure your ducks are in a row (it sounds like you already have your bases covered). Consult with your lawyer for sure though.

I'm sorry you're going through this. You are a strong woman and I really commend your strength through this whole thing. STay strong, and we're all here for you (as much as we can be)

dannie2011 · May 2013

If you can' t get the records from child services can you talk to their father and see if he can get a copy for you. I would bet she is only doing this because her patents are making her.

Karma1969 · May 2013

Talk to the Dad in the other case to see what paperwork he is willing to share with you. It will cut down on the work and money you will need to spend with attorney fees and court dates.

You can't subpoena medical records usually. A Judge generally will have to order the Mom to release them. Most medical facilities will fight subpoena's because of Hippa laws.

Try not to get nervous. You have tons of evidence. Just be prepared that if she keeps pushing for this that you will have a few court dates before anything would change because of all of the background stuff that needs to be collected and admitted into evidence before a judge will decide anything.

You definitely need to get an attorney.

Nineoceans · May 2013

In our custody agreement Bm sub poena'd all my Dh's military and medical records. Absolutely nothing was off limits. She did this just to be an ahole there was nothing interesting there

On the other hand the courts did not care at all about the status of our Bm's other kids as she did not have custody of them at the time. In our state even if you ruin 10 kids you get the chance to ruin the 11th because there is a presumption that a parent may parent each child differently

The only advice I would give you is get an attorney you trust and one who believes your cause. We went through two attorneys before finding the one we love. Good luck I do not envy your situation

ambrvan · May 2013

Well, our attorney is prettu decent and he says this is absolutely appalling and he will fight until we have what we came for. We told him we would settle for nothing less than BM having visitation supervised by a court liaison or ourselves, if visitation at al. We told him we also finally wanted child support established, but the offer on the table if she wants to settle outside of court is to sign off SD and allow me to adopt her. But I doubt that will happen unless she fires her attorney again tothe sign the papers for everything just to have it over with.

To clarify, the CS I mentioned in my OP was to be paid on her other two kids. She is currently several thousand dollars in arrears, has never made a payment. Her parents have made a payment for her once because her license was revoked and it was the minimum amount to get her license back.

Yes, I do think this is all at her parents' direction. BM herself would not care.

Do you think there is a chance that BM might get awared a temporary visitation schedule at the next court date?

Pamelacake · May 2013

DH and I are pretty much in the same situation as you and I think we even have the same court date on the 11th.

About the medical records and things, I know in some counties in our state, including our county don't want to see anything evidence that hasn't happened since the most recent C/O that was put in place.

IMO if she does get supervised visits, they may be to phase the visits out completely. That is how they do it where we are at.

Best of Luck to you and I wish I could give you advice. It sounds like you and DH are doing everything you can to cover everything and about bringing up the C/S, I would leave that up to your atty to decide to bring it up or not depending on how he feels things are going in the courtroom. I would ask for the other first, especially since she only paid the one time to get her license back!

The court will have all of that on file. We have to ask for it from the clerk's office here before going into the courtroom, they won't just look it up here.

ambrvan · May 2013

Would it be legal to get a copy of DCS's final findings, order, etc from siblings' father? The SM told me earlier that they had a copy, and BM also has a copy so she is aware of what was decided and why. If this is legal, then we could just have them mail or fax a copy directly to our attorney.

ETA It just kills me that we always get this kind of stuff on a Friday right before a long weekend or holiday. So then we have to sit and wait until anything can be done. It makes our house a very unsettled, grumpy place.

Ginlyn0 · May 2013

I wouldn't see how obtaining a copy from one of the parties would be illegal. I mean if it were submitted as evidence and BM tried to say it was altered, couldn't you have the siblings' father possibly testify to the case with his kids? If he were willing, that is. I would say it's worth getting a copy and at the least discussing it with your attorney to submit it.

Reilly626 · May 2013

How awful best of luck!

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