OH JESUS.

bigbootyjudi · May 2013

Listen up.

I didn't mean if you decide to FF, you're the most horrible person in the world. We've been supplementing...so, I'd be a hypocrite then.

I just meant that whatever or however you choose to feed your kid, you should own it. Don't pretend to have attempted something you didn't want to do. If you didn't want to breastfeed, then fine, whatever - just don't claim you attempted it. I think all of the pressure to say that you "tried to breastfeed" and it didn't work just leads the pregnant population to believe that breastfeeding is a next-to-near impossible mission. When I was KU, I was terrified of breastfeeding because all I heard was, "It didn't work out, etc." Nursing didn't end up working out for us. That sucked and all, but I don't go around saying that I tried to nurse extensively. I tried for a few days, it didn't work out, I EPed, tried again a few months later, it worked, and I said, "Eff this, I'd rather pump." So when people ask me if I have to go home and nurse my kid when I'm at work, I say, "No, I pump." I don't lead them on to believe I attempted to nurse for months with no avail.

I don't want a damn MM badge. I'm just sayin'. Do what you do and own it.

poppyseed1017 · May 2013

But...why do you care? Why does it matter if someone says "I tried for a few days, but it didn't work out"? It doesn't affect you in any way.

ETA: I'm not trying to be snarky, I just want to know. If someone around you says that, why does it arouse such an emotion with you that you feel the need to be irritated by it?

bigbootyjudi · May 2013

poppyseed1017:
But...why do you care? Why does it matter if someone says "I tried for a few days, but it didn't work out"? It doesn't affect you in any way.

It affects the overall interpretation of how easy or hard breastfeeding is. It's hard, but when you have a million women going around saying they tried when they did not (and again, nothing wrong with not trying), it just makes everyone else afraid of breastfeeding. That sucks when you're pregnant, have your heart set on BFing, and all you hear about is how much it sucks or how much it didn't work out, when it truth, it didn't work out, KWIM?

I don't think you get what I'm trying to say and that's fine.

poppyseed1017 · May 2013

Everyone is always going to be afraid of breastfeeding. It's scary. I took a class, read books and blogs on breastfeeding, had all the support in the world, and knew people who were successful at it, and I was still absolutely terrified.

mmdailey · May 2013

I think what I don't understand here is the time. I understand your point, but I don't understand why trying a couple of days and it not working out means that it wasn't for you or you didn't really try or you weren't educated about it. I know it's a commitment and takes a while for everything to click into place because I've been there, but how long must someone try, decide it doesn't work, and then say it didn't work? I'm not trying to offend. I'm just confused about the original post and subsequent clarification posts. Someone please correct me if I've totally missed the point here.

mollyxcate · May 2013

I really wanted to BF, I did! I fully intended to. But the way my body reacted to it scared the crap out of me. My letdown filled me with RAGE, I was just so angry, and then the anticipation of having to feed her again and knowing how angry I'd be at her made me feel like a terrible mother. I can't explain where it came from. I'm not an angry ragey person by nature. I also had no one supporting me or helping me. She was born Saturday morning and there was no LC to help me til Monday. The nurses tried but they couldn't. They looked at me like I was crazy when I tried to explain what I was feeling.

I completely own the fact that if I have another kid I will never attempt breast feeding again because I'm afraid that I may get so angry again I may hurt my child and that was not my intention.

But I will never ever say I did not try to BF my kid even though I only lasted 4 days.

bigbootyjudi · May 2013

mmdailey:
I think what I don't understand here is the time. I understand your point, but I don't understand why trying a couple of days and it not working out means that it wasn't for you or you didn't really try or you weren't educated about it. I know it's a commitment and takes a while for everything to click into place because I've been there, but how long must someone try, decide it doesn't work, and then say it didn't work? I'm not trying to offend. I'm just confused about the original post and subsequent clarification posts. Someone please correct me if I've totally missed the point here.

Well, your milk doesn't usually come in within the first two days, so that's why I used that example.

I (as in me, myself, and I) NEVER said anything about how educated the woman is.

amaite · May 2013

poppyseed1017:
But...why do you care? Why does it matter if someone says "I tried for a few days, but it didn't work out"? It doesn't affect you in any way.
ETA: I'm not trying to be snarky, I just want to know. If someone around you says that, why does it arouse such an emotion with you that you feel the need to be irritated by it?

Personally, I don't care if someone says they tried and it didn't work out, but I do get irritated when people comment how lucky I am that I am still breastfeeding, and that they weren't so lucky. I've been through a lot, from months of pumping after every nursing session and then offering a bottle, to now having to almost ep, and having to follow an extremely restrictive diet (no dairy, soy, nuts, eggs, or legumes). At the beginning I stuck it out because of my baby's heart defect, now I'm still at it because my options are to pump enough milk and continue on the diet, or have LO get a feeding tube because he will not take the amino acid based formulas and barely eats any solids. My irritation with people commenting on how lucky I am does come from my own frustrations with my experience. So I don't care if they say they tried, but I really don't like when they make it seem like the fact that we're still going means that it's not something I've had to work very hard at.

Megispreg · May 2013

mmdailey:
I think what I don't understand here is the time. I understand your point, but I don't understand why trying a couple of days and it not working out means that it wasn't for you or you didn't really try or you weren't educated about it. I know it's a commitment and takes a while for everything to click into place because I've been there, but how long must someone try, decide it doesn't work, and then say it didn't work? I'm not trying to offend. I'm just confused about the original post and subsequent clarification posts. Someone please correct me if I've totally missed the point here.

ITA. At what point are you "allowed" to say you tried? Is 5 days enough? A month? And what the hell are you supposed to say other than it didn't work out? I don't get this.

twoitalians · May 2013

natalie8784:
I say "it didnt work for us, but we tried" because I am sure the person asking doesnt want to hear about my flat nipples, B's tongue tie, me wanting to set my pump on fire, not drinking enough water, being too exhausted to think about waking up in the middle of the night just to pump and me hysterically crying when B would cry at the breast. nbsp;nbsp;

Sounds like my story. I tried for 3 excruciating weeks and then found out DS was milk protein intolerant. I was already nearly starving myself cuz I could never find the time to eat, there was no way I was cutting dairy out of what little diet I had. So I quit BFing. Best decision ever.

mollyxcate · May 2013

mlynne37wiu:
mollyxcate:
I really wanted to BF, I did! I fully intended to. But the way my body reacted to it scared the crap out of me. My letdown filled me with RAGE, I was just so angry, and then the anticipation of having to feed her again and knowing how angry I'd be at her made me feel like a terrible mother. I can't explain where it came from. I'm not an angry ragey person by nature. I also had no one supporting me or helping me. She was born Saturday morning and there was no LC to help me til Monday. The nurses tried but they couldn't. They looked at me like I was crazy when I tried to explain what I was feeling. I completely own the fact that if I have another kid I will never attempt breast feeding again because I'm afraid that I may get so angry again I may hurt my child and that was not my intention. But I will never ever say I did not try to BF my kid even though I only lasted 4 days.
Wow, I have never heard of that before! I'm so sorry you had to experience this. I bet it was so confusing and scary all at once!

Thanks, it was. I did some research after I gave up and I believe it was Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex.... which is uncommon so it's not surprising the nurses did not recognize it. But definitely not something I'm willing to go through again.

I'm cool with formula.

Whittyone12 · May 2013

I have to comment here because this is a problem I fight with every single day while doing prenatal Bfing education. People who tell their pregnant sister they didn't BF because their milk never came in, even though they never tried putting baby to the breast. Or moms that say baby wouldn't latch because they tried once and it didn't go smoothly, have such a negative effect on the prenatal population. Breastfeeding is hard and it takes work, but when a pregnant woman knows 7 moms that say their milk never came in, or that they couldn't make enough milk because that is their excuse for FFing, she automatically assumes it will be impossible for her too. There are real honest to god reasons moms can't BF, and very good reasons that they choose not to, but I really wish people would not tell other women how impossible Bfing is if they never tried.

I am required to do BFing education with every pregnant woman that walks into our WIC office, and at least once a week I hear "I'm not going to be able to BF because my sister couldn't", or "I don't think I will be able to because I don't think my milk will come in because none of my friend's ever did". These comments leave a lasting impression in these mothers minds, they go into it thinking that they will not be good enough to BF, even though most of the time they never have an issue.

Sorry that was long, but this is something I feel very strongly about.

Whittyone12 · May 2013

Scout2005:
Whittyone12:
I have to comment here because this is a problem I fight with every single day while doing prenatal Bfing education. People who tell their pregnant sister they didn't BF because their milk never came in, even though they never tried putting baby to the breast. Or moms that say baby wouldn't latch because they tried once and it didn't go smoothly, have such a negative effect on the prenatal population. Breastfeeding is hard and it takes work, but when a pregnant woman knows 7 moms that say their milk never came in, or that they couldn't make enough milk because that is their excuse for FFing, she automatically assumes it will be impossible for her too. There are real honest to god reasons moms can't BF, and very good reasons that they choose not to, but I really wish people would not tell other women how impossible Bfing is if they never tried.

I am required to do BFing education with every pregnant woman that walks into our WIC office, and at least once a week I hear "I'm not going to be able to BF because my sister couldn't", or "I don't think I will be able to because I don't think my milk will come in because none of my friend's ever did". These comments leave a lasting impression in these mothers minds, they go into it thinking that they will not be good enough to BF, even though most of the time they never have an issue.

Sorry that was long, but this is something I feel very strongly about.
Don't you think it more likely that they simply don't want to BF but feel like they have to have an excuse because they are being forced to sit through BFing education in the first place?
I'll be honest - I would be effing pissed as hell if I were required to take a BFing course. Regardless of my income level, BFing is a personal choice and I don't think any woman should be lectured at about it.
I'd put dollars to donuts it has a lot more to do with those women feeling like they have to lie/present a reason for not BFing because they are already in a vulnerable position - emotionally especially - while sitting in the WIC office. 
I think making BFing education available to those that WANT it is AMAZING, and I support that as much as I possibly can. But I would imagine that they are sometimes just giving you a reason to end the conversation.
It's the same reasons presented above as to why a woman might say "oh I tried" when in reality she just didn't want to BF. Because the judgement is quick to come your way on this topic, and I would imagine it's felt even more from someone asking for government assistance and being required to be "educated" on the topic. 

We are also required to give education on healthy family meals, nutrition during pregnancy, and baby behavior, teaching these classes along with our BFing class is what gets us government grants that do a lot to fund our program. No one takes issue with us teaching the other classes. I do not pressure anyone to BF because that is not my job my job is to give moms information so they can make an educated choice to BF or FF it is the mothers choice. I am also there to be a stable support person for the moms that do choose to BF. We are not forcing moms to BF anymore than we are stopping moms who go to the healthy family meals class from going to McDonalds. We are able to provide more food packages, more resources, and more support for all of our mothers because we get grants for having these classes. The class is a facilitated discussion that lasts a half hour max, we are not asking women to sit through a 4 hour class, and if we are able to provide more services to all our mothers for it I think it is worth it.

I am far from being a lactivist. Do I believe that BM is best nutrition for a baby? Absolutely, it's a scientific fact. But it is 100 percent a mothers choice how she chooses to feed her child, and BFing is not the right choice for some mothers for very good reasons. I fully believe that formula feeding makes some women better mothers. But it breaks my heart to see a mother cry before she even has a baby because everyone has told her that BFing is so hard she won't be able to do it.

I wasn't trying to be snarky or start a debate, but I see the effects of this negativity towards BFing everyday.

Amjones52 · May 2013

mollyxcate:
mlynne37wiu:
mollyxcate:
I really wanted to BF, I did! I fully intended to. But the way my body reacted to it scared the crap out of me. My letdown filled me with RAGE, I was just so angry, and then the anticipation of having to feed her again and knowing how angry I'd be at her made me feel like a terrible mother. I can't explain where it came from. I'm not an angry ragey person by nature. I also had no one supporting me or helping me. She was born Saturday morning and there was no LC to help me til Monday. The nurses tried but they couldn't. They looked at me like I was crazy when I tried to explain what I was feeling.

I completely own the fact that if I have another kid I will never attempt breast feeding again because I'm afraid that I may get so angry again I may hurt my child and that was not my intention.

But I will never ever say I did not try to BF my kid even though I only lasted 4 days.
Wow, I have never heard of that before!  I'm so sorry you had to experience this.  I bet it was so confusing and scary all at once!

Thanks, it was. I did some research after I gave up and I believe it was Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex.... which is uncommon so it's not surprising the nurses did not recognize it. But definitely not something I'm willing to go through again.
I'm cool with formula.

I get this even with eping. It's rough.

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