advice...an old friend lost her baby.

angelicbrunette23 · May 2013

I have an old friend (from high school) that had a baby about 2 weeks after me. Well her 7 month old passed away unexpectedly. I don't want to be selfish but I really REALLY don't think I can handle going to the viewing. I know it will by no means come close to what she is going through, but seeing how we haven't talked since high school is it wrong of me not to go and show my support? I could never imagine myself in her position but I would imagine I wouldn't want to be around anyone that had babies around the same age as mine and might even feel resentment toward anyone who had a baby the same age. I just wondered what any of you thought as far as what I should do...I will send flowers and have let her know she is in my thoughts and prayers.

To all of you who have lost a child I give you my deepest sympathy. I can't imagine the pain you feel.

Heatherhah · May 2013

I had many friends who couldn't attend my daughters memorial and if they didnt come they sent flowers that is fine. Some even sent mass cards which was nice.

OSUWifey09 · May 2013

I think it's fine to send flowers and a card. My best friend almost didn't go to my son's memorial because she was pregnant at the time [and didn't want her baby belly to trigger anything], but I insisted she be there. But that's my best friend, not someone I haven't seen since high school - if we had just been acquaintances, I wouldn't have even expected her to be there. I like the gesture of flowers and a card; that's very thoughtful.

Noethola · May 2013

I agree, send flowers and a card. If it were someone I was not close to, I would appreciate they were thinking of me in my pain, but would actually probably rather they not come to the funeral. Everyone is different though.

Acknowledge the loss and send the flowers.

pottermommy · May 2013

Honestly, there were over two hundred people at Kamryn's funeral. I remember six of them.

Send the flowers.

JessicaG220 · May 2013

Maybe it's just me... But I feel like this question should be asked somewhere else. I really don't need another reminder that someone else got to keep their baby while I'm dealing with losing mine.

Common sense should tell you to acknowledge her loss in some way without rubbing it in her face that your baby is still living.

lrichmond86 · May 2013

I'm very sorry for your friend's loss and I appreciate your concern for her and your seeking advice as to what you should do. However, some of the women on this forum have lost their children as recently as this week. By posting here It's not really any less hurtful to them than it would be if you went to the funeral with your living child. In the future, please put a warning in the title of your post so that those who might be sensitive to it won't read it.

Fwit, I think sending a card or flowers is enough. Especially if you aren't close.

PerkyErky · May 2013

Sending a card and acknowledging her loss is fine. She is most likely in a fog and the card will last much longer than your appearance at the service. Also I am Jewish and we don't send flowers when someone dies because the flowers also die eventually and are a reminder of loss. Many well meaning friends sent us flowers and I appreciated the gesture but loathed the smell and sight of the flowers especially when they reached the wilted dying stage. Someone sent us a beautiful flowering plant and we still have that. I suggest sending a plant that will continue to live instead of a bouquet of flowers. My two cents for what it's worth.

Xath · May 2013

If you don't feel comfortable going, don't go. I don't remember much of who was at my daughter's funeral, so as long as your friend will have enough people there to comfort her, I think you're fine to stay away.

More than anything, the things I appreciated were letters. It was nice to have that window into what someone else is thinking. If she's not up to reading it when she gets it, she will eventually. It might be really difficult for her to see you right now, but at some point she might take comfort in seeing your child and using that as a frame of reference for what her baby might look like/would be doing. Let her know that you're available if she needs you, but won't take offense if she doesn't want to see you.

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advice...an old friend lost her baby.

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