Blended Family Graduations

dmndsr4eva · May 2013

Oh my. Well I found out via FB that today was the ceremony for DS's sister. It's not BD's day and he didn't even bother to ask for him for the day. How sad is that my DS will not be at his own sister's graduation. I texted him at 8:30 and told him that he could have gone. But I assume the graduation was this morning so it was too late by then. Of course I didn't get a reply back.

From what I've heard her party isn't until July so I guess there is a 50/50 chance that DS will get to go to that. But I think it is on my weekend.

Sunday924 · May 2013

How old is DS? 3ish? I may be the only one but I don't think it's a big deal he missed it since he is so young. Maybe BD didn't bother to ask because of how you have been in the past. I will say that it is really nice of you to care and send him the txt.

Littlejen22 · May 2013

Again, you are twisting things. Your son is too little to care. BD is extremely involved and it is not his day so do not act like he is an uninvolved Dad that does not care. He probably decided it was not worth switching the time or that it would be too long for DS or he had to do something after. Or honestly she might not have had a ticket for DS because most schools only allow so many guests for graduations and sometimes it is only two or three. Stop twisting things into what they are not.

CFjo2010 · May 2013

A lot of schools now have a rule that children under a certain age are not allowed to attend graduation ceremonies. The ceremonies are too long and children (especially 3 year olds) just can't handle being still and quiet that long. Also, as PP said, students are only given a certain amount of tickets for graduation. I see nothing wrong with not taking a 3 year old to a graduation ceremony.

If you are genuinely as concerned as you say you are, then allow BD to take DS to the graduation party even if it's on your weekend.

dmndsr4eva · May 2013

Littlejen22:
Again, you are twisting things. Your son is too little to care. BD is extremely involved and it is not his day so do not act like he is an uninvolved Dad that does not care. He probably decided it was not worth switching the time or that it would be too long for DS or he had to do something after. Or honestly she might not have had a ticket for DS because most schools only allow so many guests for graduations and sometimes it is only two or three. Stop twisting things into what they are not.

I am not aware of any limitations at this school. I would surprised by that and especially because her parents are divorced she has at least 13 people who would be considered immediate family between siblings, aunts, cousins, multiple grandparents, parents and their significant others.

And I do view it as a big deal. They will all be taking pictures with her in her cap and grown and if DS sees those when he gets older he will know that he was not there for her big moment. So if she gets married is it ok that he is not there because he is only 3? I don't know what goes on in your circles, but around here a graduation is a big deal. Assuming her dad and I were still together I definitely would be taking him. We always took him to her events whether big or small.

Hopeforthebest · May 2013

Sunday924:
How old is DS? 3ish? I may be the only one but I don't think it's a big deal he missed it since he is so young. Maybe BD didn't bother to ask because of how you have been in the past. I will say that it is really nice of you to care and send him the txt.

This was my first thought.

CFjo2010 · May 2013

dmndsr4eva:
Littlejen22:
Again, you are twisting things. Your son is too little to care. BD is extremely involved and it is not his day so do not act like he is an uninvolved Dad that does not care. He probably decided it was not worth switching the time or that it would be too long for DS or he had to do something after. Or honestly she might not have had a ticket for DS because most schools only allow so many guests for graduations and sometimes it is only two or three. Stop twisting things into what they are not.
I am not aware of any limitations at this school. I would surprised by that and especially because her parents are divorced she has at least 13 people who would be considered immediate family between siblings, aunts, cousins, multiple grandparents, parents and their significant others.
And I do view it as a big deal. They will all be taking pictures with her in her cap and grown and if DS sees those when he gets older he will know that he was not there for her big moment. So if she gets married is it ok that he is not there because he is only 3? I don't know what goes on in your circles, but around here a graduation is a big deal. Assuming her dad and I were still together I definitely would be taking him. We always took him to her events whether big or small.

Just because she has a lot of family doesn't mean that she gets a lot of tickets. When I graduated High School each student was given 5 tickets. That's it. If you needed more then you had to hound your friends and ask for any extras they had. When my sister earned her Masters and graduated from her University, she was given 4 tickets. She paid well over $70,000 to attend the University and she still only got 4 tickets. Schools are limited on space and they need to give equal space to each student. That means everyone gets the same tickets regardless of family size.

No one is saying that graduations aren't a big deal, we're telling you to stop making DS missing it a big deal.

cole2144 · May 2013

Maybe BD was worried DS would not be able to sit still and wanted to be able to focus his attention, rightfully so, on his daughter. My SD`s recital was last weekend and we left DS at home for this reason. We also left him home last year when she had her graduation. He is too little to sit still for that look and SD deserved our attention on her special days. I even left DS at home for my husband`s college graduation last year, but I took SD since she was older and has a longer attention span.

hindsight's_a_biotch · May 2013

Of alllll the things to care about, this is really at the bottom of the list. . . . unless you're a drama llama of course.

ambrvan · May 2013

hindsight's_a_biotch:
Of alllll the things to care about, this is really at the bottom of the list. . . . unless you're a drama llama of course.

Have you not seen her worries about Facebook? At least this is an issue that exists in real life and not on the internet.

Uh, considering how you have acted in the past, if I were him, it would not be worth the fight to ask you since the kid would probably.not even enjoy it or care about it anyway. Especially since with the track you're on, he won't even know his sister by the time he is old enough to care about pictures of her graduation.

And the only thing here you are actually worried about are appearances, pictures? His presence being seen. It's her day. Send her a card and be done with it. Since you always say you would rather your son be with you all the time anyway.

Lavender P · May 2013

Graduations are important. However, a 3 year old attending it is not. The only way your DS would feel bad about it later is if you tell him he should. If you explain that graduations are serious ceremonies to recognize achievements and not a place for small children, he would never think twice about it. My DS will be 3 when my DH graduates from law school. There is no way in h3ll I'm wasting one of his tickets to bring DS or having to leave the ceremony becuase DS cant sit for a few hours. SS will be 12 at the time and we will take him. DS will definitely attend any celebration we have for DH after.

A graduation ceremony can be tedious for an adult to sit through let alone a young child. The focus should be on the graduate and those who sacrifice to get them to there. You are trying to make it seem like your DS isn't included in BD's family and isn't important to BD and that is just not the case. BD probably wanted to focus on his daughter graduating, as he should.

2chatter · May 2013

DH and I have a DS and DH has another son. That son graduates next month if he can pass one more class.

DS is not going to the graduation, we never considered taking him to the graduation, even if they were 100% biologically related DS would not be going to graduation. Those ceremonies are not the place for little kids. Not to mention it's easier to get free tickets to the Super Bowl than to a high school graduation. DS will be at the family party we have.

Ilumine · May 2013

I was here.

Littlejen22 · May 2013

dmndsr4eva:
Littlejen22:
Again, you are twisting things. Your son is too little to care. BD is extremely involved and it is not his day so do not act like he is an uninvolved Dad that does not care. He probably decided it was not worth switching the time or that it would be too long for DS or he had to do something after. Or honestly she might not have had a ticket for DS because most schools only allow so many guests for graduations and sometimes it is only two or three. Stop twisting things into what they are not.
I am not aware of any limitations at this school.  I would surprised by that and especially because her parents are divorced she has at least 13 people who would be considered immediate family between siblings, aunts, cousins, multiple grandparents, parents and their significant others.
And I do view it as a big deal.  They will all be taking pictures with her in her cap and grown and if DS sees those when he gets older he will know that he was not there for her big moment.  So if she gets married is it ok that he is not there because he is only 3?  I don't know what goes on in your circles, but around here a graduation is a big deal. Assuming her dad and I were still together I definitely would be taking him. We always took him to her events whether big or small.

You miss the point about tickets which is you get a set amout and no one asks how many immediate family you have without exception. I you are lucky a BF can get one or two extra. And grandparents are not considered immediate family.

ETA: my neice gets three tickets for middle school graduation no exceptions. She has a sister so even her dying grandfather cannot attend b

WWMS · May 2013

How did you even find out it was graduation? Do you live to stalk his family on FB?

hindsight's_a_biotch · May 2013

Littlejen22:
You miss the point about tickets which is you get a set amout and no one asks how many immediate family you have without exception. I you are lucky a BF can get one or two extra. And grandparents are not considered immediate family. ETA: my neice gets three tickets for middle school graduation no exceptions. She has a sister so even her dying grandfather cannot attend b

I'd totally get the sister a babysitter and let grandpa come.

karatechrissy · May 2013

The last thing I want to do is take my TODDLER to a damnnn graduation. Serious? You're pissed about this?? Your son won't even remember it! Your EX will possibly miss his daughter walk across stage bc maybe your DS will start throwing a fit or something at that time. Toddlers are unpredictable, and tend to do things the MOMENT we don't want them to. I don't blame your ex! Shoot, I'd be finding a friggin baby sitter if I had a graduation to attend... a sibling or not!

Again, you're reaching. Get the *** over yourself. You're just LOOKING for reasons to talk to ex. You still aren't over him!!

xmaryrickx · May 2013

Let's be honest, had he requested the child for the graduation she would have said no, and gone on about him trying to pretend like he's a great involved dad. That a graduation Is no place for a three year old, what is ge thinking Blah blah blah. He will never win with her.

Lavender P · May 2013

xmaryrickx:
Let's be honest, had he requested the child for the graduation she would have said no, and gone on about him trying to pretend like he's a great involved dad. That a graduation Is no place for a three year old, what is ge thinking Blah blah blah. He will never win with her.

Ditto this. You are absolutely right. He is wrong regardless of what he does....

Littlejen22 · May 2013

hindsight's_a_biotch:
Littlejen22:
You miss the point about tickets which is you get a set amout and no one asks how many immediate family you have without exception. I you are lucky a BF can get one or two extra. And grandparents are not considered immediate family.

ETA: my neice gets three tickets for middle school graduation no exceptions. She has a sister so even her dying grandfather cannot attend b
I'd totally get the sister a babysitter and let grandpa come. 
 

The sister is 11 and attends the middle school so I assume they are bringing her. I am assuming the grandparents will come over that night or weekend and do something special with her and if I know the grandfather he would not want different treatment and is still feelin pretty decent and going about his live but he has liver cancer that is spreading. It is my brothers FIL. But I get your point.

coopsbaby · May 2013

Totally agree with pp's, graduations are no place for a toddler. I'm so dreading going to dd1's graduation next week I wish I could get out ofit. They're boring and stuffy and the chairs are hard, yuck.

Andplusalso, agree that they very well may not have enough tickets. Here you get a set amount per family, no matter how big your family is. We'd be short one except for the fact that dd2 is in the school orchestra and will sit with them during the ceremony to play Pomp and Circumstance. Not sure who wouldn't get to come, but we wouldn't have a choice, and the school only has so much room in the auditorium.

HisChamaoleGirl · May 2013

Ilumine:
I was here.

sabrina69barnes · May 2013

Your ex is a huge a$$hole. How dare he not bring DS. This just proves that he doesn't love him enough and doesn't deserve to be a father. DS would be better off if he never saw your ex again. This is what you wanted to hear right?

mom2one · May 2013

Number 1: you are way too involved in your ex's life. Why would you speculate or know that the party is on your weekend?

Number 2: NO 3 year old wants to sit through a boring graduation. His dad made the age appropriate choice.

YummyChef · May 2013

Making a big deal out of nothing...

A) He's too young to remember or enjoy sitting there for hours.

People get a limited amount of tickets (I didn't get to go to my niece's or nephew's -on DH's side- because of this, didn't pitch a fit)

C) It seems to me like this mini-drama is just to detract attention from your DS's sister, it is HER moment after all.

D) If he DID, do this on purpose, to hurt either of you... BE THE BIGGER PERSON. Don't put ideas into your too-young DS's head that his dad did this to hurt him. If and when he asks why he wasn't there (doubtful) just say that he was too young to attend, but his dad and his sister would've loved to have him there.

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