Need a pep talk--having #3 (surprise!)

Stella2008 · May 2013

So, I am a happily working mama to 2 little girls, 3 and 1. I feel like we have a really good grove going right now with two full time working parents and our child care situations. I found out last week that I am pregnant with #3--we had always talked about having another one, just never thought it would happen now (yes, a 4 day gap in BC pill packs can affect fertility, haha).

I plan on continuing to work full time (love my job and even with 3 in preschool-daycare it is financially worth it), but am just starting to get panicky about being outnumbered and all of the logistics of three kids. I am starting to think about maybe switching from DC to a nanny when LO is born, but we'd likely want to start #2 in the same montessori preschool #1 goes to when she turns 3, so the nanny would only have 2 kids for about a year.

Who has any advice on how to make it work best with #3? Although we can afford a nanny (with a bit of sacrifice of savings), I just have really liked the in home day care situation the older two have been in. I've just been told that a nanny would be easier and provide more "home" support.

Thoughts?

christinak22 · May 2013

Congratulations! And wow, am I jealous of your financial stability to have so many options--good for you!

I think if I were you, I would go for a nanny. One more babe probably equals just a tad more chaos to life and thinking of not having to do any pick-ups/drop-offs to start and end your day sounds heavenly. I would do it just for that factor!

Iblamethebeer · May 2013

I'm about 6 months ahead of you, but in the same boat. We ended up deciding we needed to switch to a nanny, for 3 reasons: 1) The logistics of getting 3 kids out the door, 2) The time it would take in the evenings to pack 3 bags every night and keep up with laundry/dishes, and 3) The amount of back-up care we'd need to deal with 3 kids worth of sick days. It was a really hard decision because we LOVE our daycare, but the more I thought about it the more I realized it was not going to be a tenable situation. We're still putting the older 2 in preschool, but a more traditional half day pre-school (5 mornings/week for our will-be 4 year old and 3 mornings/week for our will-be 2 year old) which is a lot cheaper. Two thoughts on the nanny thing, though: 1. When you're running the numbers you should look at ALL the numbers -- activity money, museums or play place membership, extra toys for kids at home all day, etc. We're also figuring a nanny will need our minivan, so we'll need a third car. 2. Set clear nanny expectations when you're interviewing -- ie that nanny may sometimes have all 3 kids, will be expected to keep up with ___ chores, etc. You don't want to be in a position where everything other than keeping the baby alive is considered an "extra."

MammaBear81 · May 2013

Congrats! Yes, it can be done, and since you've already got a good routine going #3 will probably fall right in line! We do have in home care, and I like it because I don't have to rush in the morning, gathering children, and getting them off to various places. I leave the house at 8:15, my two oldest get on the bus around 8:30 and then our au pair takes our 4 year old to preschool (it doesn't open until 9). He is home with the two young ones for most of the day, but they go to the playground, gymboree, parks etc so they aren't really "home". I save a lot of "commuting time" by not having to drop the kids at a center, and then pick them up at the end of the day, the older ones already have home work done when I get home, and DH has dinner on the table.

It's totally doable to have three in daycare, just money and time wise it home care worked better for us.

ByGrace22 · May 2013

Congratulations! I'll put in a vote for daycare center...it works for us. We love our center and didn't want to change the routine too much when number three came along. However, I only work three days a week so I am home some to stay up on household chores and I have a flexible job such that I can come and go when I need to, which means slow mornings just lead to later evenings. We definitely thought about a nanny, but decided the benefits of our center outweighed the hassles and cost difference. Also, I've only been back to work five weeks...my attitude may change.

NicoleWI · May 2013

Congratulations! I vote nanny. We have a nanny and it's awesome if you find the right person. If you are working FT, I think it's the way to go. Not that others don't do it different ways, but it's sooo much easier for us. Child care wise, our good nannies have become almost a part of the family and we really miss them when they have to leave (going on to school). The kids love and trust them and we have a wonderful partner at home. In addition to child care, here are the pros: no packing bottles or lunches. Does almost all the kid laundry, plus bath towels, kitchen towels, kid bedding. Willing to do other random tasks as needed. Helped me wash/sort/organize toys. Helped me organize cabinets. Unloads the dishwasher. Is at home when we need to schedule repair people or similar. Flexible hours that work better for our schedules; helpful to have a great option for date nights and other child care needs. Can start dinner or run an errand. Kids get to go on some outings with her and get plenty of outdoor play time in good weather. Sometimes they bake stuff and we get to help eat it.:)

That said, you have a really good situation that you like right now so that makes it a tougher call. Anyway, I'm wondering what you mean re: cost. For us, having 3 kids with a nanny in our area is definitely cheaper than day care would be for 3 kids. Did you run the numbers on that? Good luck. H&H 9 months!

itsmevkb · May 2013

Congrats on your pregnancy. What a wonderful surprise.

The change from two to three tends not to be too hard. Yes, you are outnumbered but you're a more veteran parent and have a good, solid routine down and so the third sorta just slips right into things. I think the newborn stage is the hardest.

Our kids are watched by my sister at her home so it's like an in-home daycare. When I was on maternity leave she would come over to my house but then once I returned to work we would take the kids over to her. I can see the advantage of having in-home care, maybe not having to rush quite so much in the mornings, but I guess for us, we still need a certain structure because our two oldest are in school and need to be there by a certain time obviously. So, I guess once we're already getting them up and ready I might as well just get everyone up.

If you like your in-home daycare and both your older kids will soon be in school then I might skip the nanny.

cedenton · May 2013

I vote nanny and I've done both (although with only one LO). Perhaps the nanny could also do pick-ups and drop-off with the pre-schooler? I just think with the 3 kids, anything that makes life easier is best.

Stella2008 · May 2013

NicoleWI:

That said, you have a really good situation that you like right now so that makes it a tougher call. Anyway, I'm wondering what you mean re: cost. For us, having 3 kids with a nanny in our area is definitely cheaper than day care would be for 3 kids. Did you run the numbers on that? Good luck. H&H 9 months!

Thanks for all of the info! Since we would not consider taking our almost 4 year old out of her 5 day-week montessori preschool program (we love it, she loves it, and she is thriving and learning so much), we would still be paying that tuition (which is not cheap) in addition to the nanny. We may scale back and only have her go until 1pm each day (which would save us around $450 per month), but I worry that the pick up/logistics of three kids may be really hard for one person to manage. Plus, DD would be sad she does not get to stay for the 2nd work cycle in the afternoon. :-(

From what I am anticipating, including salary, taxes, misc. stuff, etc. the nanny arranagment will be about $1k more per month than what we currently pay for our in home, licensed DC situation (which we totally lucked out on and is down the street from our house, so we walk there). We would be okay paying this, if we felt that we were getting our "monies worth" based on it making our lives easier. Plus, a year later, DD#2 will be going to the same program DD#1 is in and so we may consider switching back to DC at that point.

Arg. I hate adult decisions, haha.

krub · May 2013

I think you'll do just fine if you have a cleaning lady and maybe even pay a little extra for help with your wash. The wash is the hardest part for me! But, otherwise, the day to day is no problem. I love it, even when it's tough.

Stella2008 · May 2013

krub:
I think you'll do just fine if you have a cleaning lady and maybe even pay a little extra for help with your wash. The wash is the hardest part for me! But, otherwise, the day to day is no problem. I love it, even when it's tough.

Yeah, my panic is already starting to calm down. MIL is retired and asked last year if she could pick up DD#1 from preschool a few days a week to watch her in the afternoons instead of us keeping her for the afternoon program. Plus, she LOVES to do laundry and so will do almost all of our laundry on those Monday and Friday afternoons when she and DD#1 are home. We are SO lucky. We do have a service that comes twice a month to clean, and are planning on continuing that too.

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