Guilt for quitting breastfeeding

megandscott07 · May 2013

Hi ladies,

After 7 weeks of breastfeeding, I made the decision yesterday to switch to formula. My son was born 5 weeks premature and has had trouble feeding from the start. I've had to use a breast shield the entire time and his latch is still not good. After every feeding he is fussy and cries like he is still hungry. I try to pump for a stash and to make bottles and get less than 1/3 of an ounce after 20 min. I have been on Reglan and Fenugreek for the past 3 weeks and it barely helped. I finally decided it's too much and I should switch to formula, although this decision was made through many, many tears. My goal was to EBF for the first year like everything you read recommends but I have come to terms with the fact that is not going to work out for me.

However I can't help but feel extreme guilt for this decision. I feel like I am giving up on my son, even though he is happier with formula - since yesterday he has been so happy and content and I feel like I am happier too - with the exception of this guilt.

For other moms who just couldn't make BF work - how did you get over it? I feel so judged, like people think I just didn't try hard enough.

JSS1002 · May 2013

Well, #1, it is nobody's business but yours so you really don't have to TELL anybody. If people judge you, frankly, they are assholes so that's on them, not you.

AND -- if your son is happier on formula than you should feel nothing but extreme confidence in your decision! Yes, "they" recommend you do it for a year, but not if it is impacting your mental well being or that of your son!

I am also 7 weeks and in the midst of making the same decision -- I'm going to keep BF'ing for the next few weeks, but slowly transitioning to formula so that I am done BF'ing when I go back to work... I just don't realistically think that I'll be able to pump enough once I'm back at work, and when I'm home, I think my time could be better spent.

Do what is best for your family and to hell with what anybody else thinks - however I think that once YOU get comfortable wtih your decision (own it, sister!), you'll see a lot of the guilt and worry of judgment melt away.

Good luck! You're a great mom!

JuJuBe3 · May 2013

Don't beat yourself up for changing to formula. The important thing is that you feed your baby and you're doing that. Plus, it sounds like it's better for him and you and you can't put a price on a happier family.

I think it's natural mom guilt to feel the way you do (although total crap we have to feel that way), but I think in a week or two, you'll get past the majority of it especially as your son is thriving.

You're doing great! No guilt, mama!

ETA: I'm a huge advocate of BFing and did with my first for 13 months. I just don't believe in beating people up who FF.

kagjag · May 2013

I am right there with you! I am EPing for ds who is 5.5 weeks old and am contemplating switching to formula. I EPed for dd for one year which makes me feel more guilty since I have no desire to do the same for ds. I just feel my and my family's quality of life is suffering. My nips are sore, I hate living life in 3 hour blocks of time, I hate not playing with ds or dd for 20 minutes every 3 hours, and I hate making everyone wait until I am done pumping to go somewhere, eat, etc. I am weaning down from 7 to 4 pumps per day and will go however long that lasts and then switch to formula. The guilt sucks but I need to enjoy life with my family. Even as I right this I am second guessing myself thinking I should just suck it up and do what's "best" for ds but isn't being happy and providing for him be in bm or formula be the best?!?

kayr0418 · May 2013

At least your baby got colostrum and breastmilk mine was not lucky I pumped the whole time at hospital 3 days got home and pump for another 4 days and only got 55militters of colostrum so I had to be on forumla from the start and I got lectured at every turn asking did you even try so don't beat yourself up just like others on here as long as baby is happy n healthy who the hell cares what others say

luckylauren14 · May 2013

Don't feel guilty!! With DS, he never seemed to get a good latch, it took forever for my milk to come in, and we had to supplement. I now know there were a lot of factors involved, but back then, I was super upset about it. I BFed for about 3 weeks and pumped for 2 before my supply dried up. But he's 3 1/2 now and a very healthy and happy boy!

WheeLinTheSky3 · May 2013

Try not to feel bad. The same thing happened to me with my son. I tried everything- fenugreek, lactation consultants, shields, pumping, everything. I could not produce enough, my son was tongue tied, he wouldnt latch, etc. One day the LC said to me "its ok to 'stop' breastfeeding, you're not 'quitting' you have tried really hard". She told me to take a short amount of time to grieve my plan and wish of BF and then go to FF. I let go of the guilt and my son and I were so much happier. I will try again with my next LO but if BF doesnt work out, it just doesnt work out. Dont worry about what others think. What is right for them is not always right for you. Congrats on making it to 7 weeks and enjoy your new baby.

kandys722 · May 2013

I found this website helpful to deal with my guilt of failed breastfeeding. She has different women post every Friday on their struggle with breastfeeding and their reasons with formula feeding. www.fearlessformulafeeder.com

carig63 · May 2013

megandscott07:
he is happier with formula - since yesterday he has been so happy and content and I feel like I am happier too - with the exception of this guilt.

If someone is judging you, you have to do your best to let it not bother you. I know that's hard to do. I had trouble with both of my boys and switched to formula much easier than I had originally planned. If your baby is happy and getting enough to eat, that is what's important. There are militants on both sides of the BF issue, but you doing what's right for your baby. That's your real job. Don't let someone else's expectations tell you how to raise your baby.

You're doing a great job, and on the bright side, you will now have more time to enjoy your baby and whatever time off you have left!

taylorunden · May 2013

I also quit for similar reasons. He was frustrated.. i was frustrated and in major pain! Every feeding, which was only every 2 hours, was torture.

I felt extremely guilty also but only a week later I say, 'screw it'. If someone wants to judge us, who cares? They're probably stuck up anyway lol

a happier mommy is better for everyone

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